Bits & Pieces

Articles with unfiltered opinions

Cartoons

Illustrated monthly funnies

Jokes

Dirty jokes for your dirty mind

Parodies

Unapologetic political satire

close slideout
Latest HUSTLER Magazine cover issue
Magazine new arrow

January 2025

Cover Honey Addis Fouche
Join HUSTLER Magazine trial promo image

Intro Offer:
3 days for only $0.99!

Search

Reefer Madness?

Where were you when marijuana became legal in this country? Yeah, man, it happened, and you didn’t even notice. But not because you were stoned. Once the stuff is legal for recreational use—as it is in nine states and the District of Columbia for people over 21 years of age—and okay for medical use in...

Asshole of the Month: John Bolton

We almost feel sorry for Trump supporters, having to swallow one betrayal and flip-flop after another from their “populist” hero. It’s like they’re in a rancid-hotdog-eating contest, loyally gulping those stinking wieners down. They want to stop, but they just can’t. Admitting you bet the farm on the wrong horse is a painful realization. The...

Asshole of the Month: Michael Cohen

If all of Robert Mueller’s digging and indictments haven’t done much to budge our Blowhard in Chief from his prime-time spot in the White House, the raid of Trump’s legal-eagle fixer, Michael Cohen, has to have him sweating bullets. The worst disaster for any don or mogul on the shady side of the law is...

Scary Apprentice

Honestly, I have tried to cut Donald Trump some slack by refusing to pile on with the Russia-bashing. I strongly believe that it reflects an absurdly out-of-date Red-baiting of Vladimir Putin, a Christian who long ago rejected communism and is no less a crony capitalist than our own leaders, most obviously Trump himself. Anyway, it...

Asshole of the Month: Nikki Haley

Amateur hour is in full swing at the Trump White House. Reflecting his own dearth of experience in politics and government, the Donald loves to appoint complete rookies and incompetents to positions of power. From Sean Spicer and Anthony Scaramucci to Steve Bannon and Rex Tillerson, it’s been an embarrassing parade of fools and freaks...

Asshole of the Month: Neil Gorsuch

For Americans who believe in the core principles of our democracy—truth, justice and equality for all, regardless of race, gender or creed—these are dark days indeed. Conservative greedheads representing our bloated oligarchy have taken over the Supreme Court for the foreseeable future, thanks to Mitch McConnell and his band of take-no-prisoners assholes in the Senate....

Asshole of the Month: Kirstjen Nielsen

The GOP Blond Brigade—Trump’s bevy of peppy, fair-haired female underlings and media cheerleaders—got a new recruit last year with Kirstjen Nielsen, the Nordic blonde appointed as Secretary of Homeland Security. She quickly adapted to the ethos of the administration, striving to become a superstar asshole in a Cabinet teeming with them. No doubt, it’s a...

Asshole of the Month: Bill Shine

The Fox News reality TV show that the whole country is living in—The Apprentice President—got a boost this summer when the star of the show, Donald Trump, hired longtime Fox News producer Bill Shine as deputy chief of staff for communications to upgrade the White House’s production values. Trump was getting constipated over the amateurish...

Arming a Villain

What’s up with Donald Trump and Saudi Arabia? And why has the mainstream media ignored this incredibly cozy connection? Before being elected President, Trump pledged to combat Islamic extremism, and yet he’s now sucking up to the very nation that has been its prime spawning ground. There is still not one substantiated instance of an...

Give Peace a Chance

The best thing about President Donald Trump, at least up to this point, is that he doesn’t seem willing to go to war with Russia. That’s a good thing because Russia still possesses almost half of the world’s nuclear weapons, and like ours, they’re always on hair-trigger alert. A miscalculation could end all life on...

Be Kind to Strangers

Tis the season to mark the virgin birth of the baby Jesus—clearly the ultimate example of an undocumented immigrant—and to issue a timely warning to President Donald Trump: Your constant bashing of the strangers among us seriously dims your prospects for eternal life. Happily applying the Christian Right’s damnation dogma to the misbehavior of anyone...

Asshole of the Month: Rudy Giuliani

As Trump continues to sink deeper into the shithole that Mueller has been digging for him, he’s called upon an old pal from New York to toss him a rope: Rudy Giuliani, who, since becoming Trump’s No. 1 legal eagle, has made a total ass of himself with a series of jaw-dropping gaffes, blunders and...

The Blame Game

If you want to know how the country went to the dogs and elected Donald Trump our President, ponder a simple statistic recently issued by the U.S. Census Bureau: Americans’ median household income finally eclipsed 1999’s peak level in real dollars. After 18 years—many in deep recession followed by anemic economic growth—the nearly fatal damage...

Trump’s Brinksmanship

What a pleasure it is to have an oafish President like Donald Trump to kick around. It doesn’t get any better for conventional politicians or the mainstream media that fawns on those bipartisan hacks. Trump, the world’s most powerful leader, is such a worthy target that even his dimmest critics seem profound in comparison. After...

Tax Heaven

An ocean of leaked documents exposes how the rich and powerful hide their money from the taxman. Heard of the Paradise Papers? You haven’t if you still believe in the official American fantasy that honest hard work is the path to prosperity. The Paradise Papers comprise the latest trove of purloined documents from financial institutions,...

Sabotaging Middle East Peace

Perhaps Donald Trump will be driven from office because of the much-ballyhooed claims by the Democrats that he and his cohorts colluded with Russians in stealing the 2016 election. So far the hard evidence is underwhelming, but really, who’s calling the kettle black? Ironically, outrage is emanating from the very nation that has led the...

Strangelovian Madmen

Which leader poses a graver threat to humanity, North Korea’s or our very own Donald Trump? On January 2, President Donald Trump tweeted, “North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un just stated that the ‘Nuclear Button is on his desk at all times.’ Will someone from his depleted and food starved regime please inform him that...

Privacy Is Dead

The internet has made life easier for shoppers, friend seekers and government snoops. Love him or hate him, only a fool could deny the weighty presence of Donald Trump and his capacity to turn our world upside down. Surprisingly, predictions that he would explode like an overinflated hot-air balloon, or be cut to his proper...

Racism Equals Injustice

Why did black people riot in “the long, hot summer of 1967,” when deadly civil disorders erupted in Newark, Detroit and many other U.S. cities? The Kerner Commission was tasked with answering that question by President Lyndon B. Johnson. After a seven-month investigation the panel’s report suggested that the main cause of the rampant urban...

The Great Deregulation Con

Near the end of his first year in the White House, Donald Trump hosted an absurd episode of reality TV. Standing next to enormous stacks of blank paper in the Roosevelt Room, the President snipped a red ribbon symbolizing all the “red tape” he claimed to have cut since his inauguration. “For many decades an...

Trump’s a Survivor

Never underestimate Donald Trump. The man has a sixth sense when it comes to his survival in the business and political worlds. Throughout his life, no matter the evidence to the contrary, he has been able to turn the reality of abject failure into a widely accepted image of great success. It’s also true that...

Asshole of the Month: Kanye West

Repeated failure can drive a person mad, but an excess of success can do the same. Soar too far above the humble crowd, and you risk losing touch with reality. Sadly, such is the case with Kanye West as, over this past year, he’s morphed into a crazed, gungho supporter of Donald Trump. For those...

Vindicating Torture

Appointing a documented torture honcho, Gina Haspel, as director of the Central Intelligence Agency speaks volumes about America’s image in the world. The coronation of “Bloody Gina”—an appropriate nickname coined by those who worked with Haspel—is proof positive that the U.S. government has given the CIA a license to torture, as well as blanket permission...

Your Right to Privacy

Your cell phone is a temple of liberty. As absurd as that may sound, it is a truth of the Digital Age. Even the ultraconservative U.S. Supreme Court has acknowledged that the government’s access to the personal information on mobile phones must be curtailed. Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr.—a George W. Bush appointee no...

Asshole of the Month: Kevin McCarthy

California is mostly a liberal, blue state, dotted with a few pockets of deep-red conservatism. One of them is the San Joaquin Valley, dubbed “way west Texas” for its rightwing politics. The district includes Bakersfield, known for its dominant oil industry and god-awful air quality, ranking third worst in the country for yearly particle pollution....

America’s Greatness

There is a real danger in thinking that our country is always virtuous when its behavior obviously isn’t. Sometimes you read a passage that stops you in your tracks, and the world never looks quite the same again. That happened to me while reading Seymour Hersh’s latest book, Reporter: A Memoir. He recounts some of...

Google’s Black Eye

From the crack of dawn to the darkest hours of night, you are followed. In the most intimate detail, every step of your daily life is being permanently recorded without interruption—from your bed to your fast-food breakfast, your subsequent ride to work or to visit friends, then to lunch and continuing along the pathway of...

Stop Corporate Greed!

Bernie Sanders takes aim at thriving companies whose underpaid employees require government assistance to survive. Need further proof of how much better off this sad sack republic of ours would have been if U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders had made it to the White House? Check out the Stop Bad Employers by Zeroing Out Subsidies Act,...

Saudi Money Trumps U.S. Morals

Donald Trump has the strangest crushes on questionable countries, ranging from North Korea to Russia to Saudi Arabia, not to mention several other bizarre choices. But the one for which he expressed the purest and earliest of affections as a newly minted President was darkly duplicitous Saudi Arabia, which is more an oil depot than...

This Number Is No Longer in Service

There are a lot of scams in the Republican Party’s toolbox. One of the most insidious is the notion that cutting regulatory red tape is somehow meant to help you, the little guy, being held back by Big Government bureaucracy. But the Donald Trump/GOP Jedi mind tricks aren’t meant to help you unless you’re one...

HUSTLER Picks

  • Brushing Up on Going Down: The Pros’ Guide to Eating Pussy
  • The Business of Pleasure: How to Succeed in Sex Work (by Really Trying)
  • Three Is a Magic Number