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September 2020

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Teste Taste Test

Look, we’re all grown-ups here (unless we’re not, in which case, put this magazine back in your dad’s bedside drawer). Our bodies are our own, and you have the right to do whatever youwant with them, societal taboos de damned. We eat our...

Pandemic Penis

Apologies for trotting out this old chestnut, but too much of a good thing is not always a good thing. Manhandling your penis should be kind of like how you treat alcohol: in moderation it’s fine, but if you down a bottle of tequila every day,...

This Shit is Bananas

The following is a sort of footnote to our overview of household products that can safely be used as lube (see “DIY Lube”). To be honest, it’s more of a warning: Despite what you’ve seen on Reddit, do not put your dick anywhere near a banana...

Apocalypse Orgy

Blink and you missed it. A crudely photocopied, nondescript 8.5- by 11-inch flier, in black and white, with a picture of the Avengers. The accompanying text is so ludicrous, so obviously crazy, that one might find themselves reading it over and over...

DIY Lube

Olive oil? Yes. Sulphuric acid? No. It’s safe to say that everyone more or less has a grasp on the broad strokes of what can and can’t serve as lube. But there is a whole universe of products out there whose potential has yet to be fully...

Soaps Get Super Weird

If you’ve never given a shit about soap operas in the past, then prepare to have your world turnedupside-down with this incredible casting news. Remember the publicity campaign in June for the upcoming season of Black Mirror? It was...

(Un)faithfully Yours

The fight for human rights is a broad and complicated battle. Basic, inalienable freedoms many of us take for granted are constantly under attack by those who seek to silence and suppress. Democracy, reproductive rights, racial equality—even...

Your Cheating Heart

Everyone has their own hang-ups and hard lines when it comes to adultery, but at the end of the day cheating isn’t a crime, and this is still a free country, right? Right? And it’s only once we get past our own preconceptions that we can begin...

Deal or No Deal

This article comes with a preface. It’s really more of a shout-out to all the hardworking reporters who maintain their commitment to uncompromising journalism. Thank you, especially those of you who know the value of a good kicker. This month we...

Scent of a Woman

In a perfect world, we learn that Gwyneth Paltrow and her putrid Goop products are charged withmurder by boredom and she’s locked up in a Turkish septic tank for the rest of her life. Butuntil then we just have to keep on hating her and all her...

Orgasm Stacking

There’s this weird intersection in humanity where people who are working themselves to an early grave are also trying to embrace a New Age lifestyle. Futile? Hey, at least they’re trying. And you have to give them credit for any attempt to...

Big Love, Small Package

In this age of fake news and Russian Twitter bots, one would certainly be forgiven for casting doubt on this totally legitimate news story. So please, try to keep an open mind as we attempt to explain Dinky One, the new dating site for...

Sign O’ the Times

We here at HUSTLER are fascinated by the sex lives of the British. Under the covers, they’re just so unabashed and raunchy, and yet outwardly everything appears so proper, perhaps due to those years of living under the chaste yolk of a strict...

Porn Goes Viral

If art is society’s mirror, then that goes double for porn in times of calamity. Like clockwork, we are already seeing the emergence of COVID-19-themed porn, and as you may have already guessed, it’s a bit weird. On the one hand, people are...

A Hustler’s Always Prepared

We get it—you’re fed up. All you see and hear is coronavirus this, COVID-19 that, recession, Armageddon, blah blah blah. But this is important, so listen up, because HUSTLER cares about you. To quote the Bard, the readiness...

Virginia Is for Lovers

Every state has their embarrassing legal relics—you know, those antiquated laws that are still somehow on the books today, leaving police to wonder, Am I really supposed to arrest this guy for cheating on his wife? (a felony in...

Kink-Friendly Digs

The modern sharing economy is…complicated. On the one hand, I should be able to do whatever the hell I want with my car or home. On the other hand, the near complete absence of regulation makes it a legit concern for neighbors and women who...

The Art of the Nude Selfie

Sex workers are multitalented, especially when it comes to photography. Face it: Your favorite cam model is not flanked by an army of stylists; she’s doing this all on her own and looking drop-dead sexy in the process. For her,...

Find Your Funny Bone

Giant dinosaurs, gorgeous architecture and a thriving arts scene are just a few of the perks to visiting Palm Springs, arguably California’s best-kept secret. And while this inland gem is often overshadowed by a certain music festival that shall...

China’s Iron Fist Softens

As the world grapples with the prospect of a coronavirus pandemic, we are getting word from deep inside Chinese borders that government officials—in a fit of unbridled benevolence—seem to be easing up restrictions on porn as a way of...

Beaver Fever Hits HUSTLER Hollywood

Colorado isn’t typically known for its warm winters, but it was plenty hot in Colorado Springs on January 31, as HUSTLER Hollywood opened its new store. The reason behind the unseasonably hot temperature? The presence...

(Sensitive) Studs For Hire

You don’t hear as much lore and chatter about male escorts because, let’s face it, most women don’t have to try as hard to get laid. That’s not to say that there is anything wrong with women who choose to pay for sex, the...

When Goat-Napping Goes Wrong

First things first, be assured that this story ends up okay…unless you count one man’s crippling meth addiction. And his even more crippling bad judgment. Or the tattered remains of his friendship with a goat who shall remain...

Practice What You Preach

Okay, it’s no bombshell reveal that the South, with all its finger-wagging and moral hooha, is just as horny as the rest of us, but it’s always worth revisiting this factoid with due regularity, if only to remind the hypocrites that...