Search

politics

Asshole of the Month: Jared Kushner

The standard practice in every third-world banana republic is gross cronyism and nepotism. The big honcho in power stifles competition, ladling out monopoly contracts to his pals and hiring relatives for key government positions, guaranteeing obscene fortunes for his tribe at the expense of the general public. The whole nation is turned into a private...

politics

Checks & Balances

Like it or not, the hugely irritating figure of Donald Trump—yes, The Donald, that designed-to-disturb bully-boy creation of reality media gone wild—has been elected to be the most powerful individual in the world. For the next four years this cartoon character will have his finger on the button to launch a nuclear war that could...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Kris Kobach

Times seem bleak for progressives right now, with the GOP triumphant in the House and Senate and a seriously unstable egomaniac running the whole show. But the Republicans know that this is really a one-off. Demographic trends spell a near-certain reversal of fortune and unavoidable Democratic dominance within the next decade. The country is becoming...

politics

Hope Springs Eternal

Scratching around for some rare good news concerning our bullyboy President, I’ve conjured up a couple of positive signs that may help you sleep better. The first concerns the ultimate horror of global annihilation. The Donald’s trembling finger on the nuclear-strike button could end, in less than an hour, most forms of recognizable life on...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Eric Trump

When a son emulates his father, it’s often said that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. In the case of the Trump family, it’s more like the turds don’t plop far from the Asshole. That’s certainly the case with Eric Trump, the third turd spawned by Donald Trump, now the world’s reigning king...

politics

Automakers & Making America Great Again

Looking for a new car, I tried to buy American. It wasn’t just because Donald Trump kept going on and on about making America great again by bringing back well-paying jobs, like the auto industry had when I was growing up. Heck, that was the plan when Barack Obama first got elected. Obama did bail...

politics

Picking a Fight

Fascism begins with blaming the stranger for your problems. And it works, or Donald Trump wouldn’t be President. Of course, the brash billionaire benefited from two interrelated campaign promises: to erect a wall along the U.S.-Mexico border and perk up the stagnant wages of American workers. Kick out the foreigners, and the good times will...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Sarah Huckabee Sanders

Melissa McCarthy is no doubt crying. Sean Spicer, the butt of her hilarious send-ups on SNL, has finally resigned as White House press secretary. McCarthy may have killed this golden goose —Spicer was effectively laughed out of office. But hold on, Melissa—the Republican clown car has already disgorged fresh comedy fodder: Spicer’s replacement, Sarah Huckabee...

politics

Common Sense

President Donald Trump’s laundry list of horrors— from bashing immigrants to exacerbating climate change to undermining women’s rights—all deserve to be condemned. But the one keeping me up at night is Trump’s power to end all human life on this planet in a matter of hours simply by pressing the nuclear-strike button with that finger...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Stephen Miller

If Ronald Reagan was the Great Communicator, however bankrupt the policies he communicated, Donald Trump is the Great Babbler. With a fifth grader’s vocabulary and the inability to string a coherent sentence together, he really needs all the help he can get communicating to the public. And he hasn’t been helped much by departed clowns...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Joe Arpaio

The surest path to elected office in America is the ever popular vow to “get tough” on crime. “Getting tough” sounds better than “getting smart” on crime, which works better. So instead of smart district attorneys and sheriffs, we often get stupid tough guys with more phony brawn than brains. A lot of them turn...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Ivanka Trump

Donald Trump’s daughter Ivanka is beautiful— blond, slender, high cheekbones, sultry eyes—she’s also proof positive that beauty is only skin deep. Ivanka was supposed to be the good Trump in the White House, providing the conscience her psycho dad lacked. Unfortunately, she’s turned into the poster girl for the President’s bullshit populism. While Big Daddy...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Dana Rohrabacher

California has produced its share of freaks and crackpots, but topping that list of lunatics is the 29-year incumbent GOP representative from Orange County, Dana Rohrabacher. Like an outhouse that hasn’t been emptied for three decades, he continues to burp out blasts of ever more obnoxious effluvia. The man has actually stated that climate change...

politics

Asshole of the Month: John Kelly

When retired four-star Marine general John Kelly was installed as Trump’s chief of staff, there was a huge sigh of relief across the land. It seemed that the “adult day care center,” as Republican senator Bob Corker called the White House, was finally going to be supervised by someone who had at least an inkling...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Donald Trump Jr.

As if one Donald Trump is not enough to trouble the world, we also have to suffer his eldest spawn. Don Junior’s got Senior’s back, ready to whack anybody critical of our constipated Dufus in Chief with his own obnoxious Twitterstorms. And he very likely helped shoehorn Daddy into office by dirty-dealing with the Russians....

politics

Asshole of the Month: Mark Zuckerberg

In the film The Social Network about the founding of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg’s soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend tells him, “You’re going to go through life thinking that girls don’t like you because you’re a nerd. And I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that that won’t be true. It’ll be because you’re an asshole.”...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Wayne LaPierre

Like dogs, there are many different breeds of Assholes in the world: your garden-variety barkers, mangy kleptocrats and, worst of all, rabid pit bulls. Wayne LaPierre, longtime CEO of America’s most powerful nonprofit organization, the National Rifle Association, is the latter breed of Asshole. Gun owners, before you get your camo panties in a wad...

politics

Reefer Madness?

Where were you when marijuana became legal in this country? Yeah, man, it happened, and you didn’t even notice. But not because you were stoned. Once the stuff is legal for recreational use—as it is in nine states and the District of Columbia for people over 21 years of age—and okay for medical use in...

politics

Asshole of the Month: John Bolton

We almost feel sorry for Trump supporters, having to swallow one betrayal and flip-flop after another from their “populist” hero. It’s like they’re in a rancid-hotdog-eating contest, loyally gulping those stinking wieners down. They want to stop, but they just can’t. Admitting you bet the farm on the wrong horse is a painful realization. The...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Michael Cohen

If all of Robert Mueller’s digging and indictments haven’t done much to budge our Blowhard in Chief from his prime-time spot in the White House, the raid of Trump’s legal-eagle fixer, Michael Cohen, has to have him sweating bullets. The worst disaster for any don or mogul on the shady side of the law is...

politics

Scary Apprentice

Honestly, I have tried to cut Donald Trump some slack by refusing to pile on with the Russia-bashing. I strongly believe that it reflects an absurdly out-of-date Red-baiting of Vladimir Putin, a Christian who long ago rejected communism and is no less a crony capitalist than our own leaders, most obviously Trump himself. Anyway, it...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Nikki Haley

Amateur hour is in full swing at the Trump White House. Reflecting his own dearth of experience in politics and government, the Donald loves to appoint complete rookies and incompetents to positions of power. From Sean Spicer and Anthony Scaramucci to Steve Bannon and Rex Tillerson, it’s been an embarrassing parade of fools and freaks...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Neil Gorsuch

For Americans who believe in the core principles of our democracy—truth, justice and equality for all, regardless of race, gender or creed—these are dark days indeed. Conservative greedheads representing our bloated oligarchy have taken over the Supreme Court for the foreseeable future, thanks to Mitch McConnell and his band of take-no-prisoners assholes in the Senate....

politics

Asshole of the Month: Kirstjen Nielsen

The GOP Blond Brigade—Trump’s bevy of peppy, fair-haired female underlings and media cheerleaders—got a new recruit last year with Kirstjen Nielsen, the Nordic blonde appointed as Secretary of Homeland Security. She quickly adapted to the ethos of the administration, striving to become a superstar asshole in a Cabinet teeming with them. No doubt, it’s a...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Bill Shine

The Fox News reality TV show that the whole country is living in—The Apprentice President—got a boost this summer when the star of the show, Donald Trump, hired longtime Fox News producer Bill Shine as deputy chief of staff for communications to upgrade the White House’s production values. Trump was getting constipated over the amateurish...

politics

Arming a Villain

What’s up with Donald Trump and Saudi Arabia? And why has the mainstream media ignored this incredibly cozy connection? Before being elected President, Trump pledged to combat Islamic extremism, and yet he’s now sucking up to the very nation that has been its prime spawning ground. There is still not one substantiated instance of an...

politics

Give Peace a Chance

The best thing about President Donald Trump, at least up to this point, is that he doesn’t seem willing to go to war with Russia. That’s a good thing because Russia still possesses almost half of the world’s nuclear weapons, and like ours, they’re always on hair-trigger alert. A miscalculation could end all life on...

politics

Be Kind to Strangers

Tis the season to mark the virgin birth of the baby Jesus—clearly the ultimate example of an undocumented immigrant—and to issue a timely warning to President Donald Trump: Your constant bashing of the strangers among us seriously dims your prospects for eternal life. Happily applying the Christian Right’s damnation dogma to the misbehavior of anyone...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Rudy Giuliani

As Trump continues to sink deeper into the shithole that Mueller has been digging for him, he’s called upon an old pal from New York to toss him a rope: Rudy Giuliani, who, since becoming Trump’s No. 1 legal eagle, has made a total ass of himself with a series of jaw-dropping gaffes, blunders and...

politics

The Blame Game

If you want to know how the country went to the dogs and elected Donald Trump our President, ponder a simple statistic recently issued by the U.S. Census Bureau: Americans’ median household income finally eclipsed 1999’s peak level in real dollars. After 18 years—many in deep recession followed by anemic economic growth—the nearly fatal damage...

HUSTLER Picks

Brushing Up on Going Down: The Pros’ Guide to Eating Pussy
The Business of Pleasure: How to Succeed in Sex Work (by Really Trying)
Three Is a Magic Number

Popular Keywords

Barely Legal Lexie James Beaver Hunt Angela White Brooklyn Gray Nancy Ace

Bits & Pieces

Cartoons

Jokes

Parodies

July 2025

Search

HUSTLER Picks