Search

politics

Asshole of the Month: Steve Bannon

Desperate to make his clownish Presidential bid credible, Donald Trump hired a new CEO for the campaign last summer: Steve Bannon, who took a leave of absence from his post as chief of Breitbart News. It’s just as well, since Breitbart was already acting as Trump’s number-one mouthpiece in the media—Trump Pravda or Trumpbart, as...

politics

Patriotic Pretense

When it comes to national security, we Americans are a pathetic herd of sheep, easily led from one disastrous foreign entanglement to another without seriously questioning the leaders who consistently betray us. Such is the case with the 9/11 attacks, which have been used by Presidents of both parties to wage pointless, costly wars that...

politics

Asshole of the Month: James Comey

Poor James Comey—the FBI director was hated first by the Republicans, then the Democrats and now by much of the country after his spectacular intervention in the final weeks of the election shocked the world and helped an ignorant buffoon ascend to the highest office in our land. Last July Comey declined to file criminal...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Michael Flynn

A lot of people who voted for Trump expected a revolution against the whole corrupt, pay-to-play cesspool in Washington, D.C. “Drain the swamp!” he bellowed to the roar of his loving crowds. He funded his own campaign! they swooned. So he’s not owned by Wall Street, the military-industrial complex or the rest of the corporatocracy...

politics

The Filthy Rich Get Richer

And the winner is…Goldman Sachs! America’s big bankers don’t really care whether the next President is named Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump. Once Bernie Sanders was knocked out of the race, the threat to the fat cats who own this country was over. Do I exaggerate? Well, once Bernie was sent back to Vermont, how...

politics

True Patriotism

It was spectacularly great news: Freedom had triumphed, and our flag was still there. Occasionally in a nation’s history, sanity abruptly intervenes when a few heroic figures save the day by finding the courage to do what is right. Such a rare moment occurred on May 31, 2015. A once-resistant U.S. Senate was compelled to...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Betsy DeVos

Donald Trump has astounded us with his rogues’ gallery of cabinet appointments. The main qualifications seem to be, one, they should be generally ignorant of the field they will be supervising and, two, they must be filthy rich. Explaining the latter, Trump said, “I want people that made a fortune because now they’re negotiating with...

politics

Kill the Death Penalty

Let’s put the Christ back in Christmas by recalling that he was put to death following a sham trial. This is a fact I pondered after interviewing a former death row inmate named Gary Tyler, who was released in April 2016 after spending more than 41 years in Louisiana’s Angola prison for a crime he...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Sean Spicer

Like faithful dogs, most press secretaries come to resemble their master’s style and personality. Ron Ziegler was as oily and defensive as Richard Nixon. Joseph Goebbels aped Hitler’s frantic, melodramatic harangues. And now we have Donald Trump’s mouthpiece, Sean Spicer, channeling his chief’s raw-skinned bluster and aggressive ignorance before the cameras. He even looks a...

politics

Working-Class Woes

How did this happen? As I absorb the once impossibly ludicrous spectacle of the inauguration of Donald Trump as the 45th President of the United States, I remain in a state of shock shared by the majority of Americans who rejected him at the polls only to be startled by the tally of the antiquated...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Jason Chaffetz

It’s ironic that Utah’s Republican Representative Jason Chaffetz owes his seat to an insurrection at town hall meetings back in 2008, when he defeated six-term incumbent Republican Chris Cannon in the primaries. An angry grassroots wave swept Chaffetz in, and soon it may be another angry wave that sweeps him out: the majority who gave...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Devin Nunes

Back when the Cold War was really hot, the West was rocked with the biggest spy scandal of all time: the infamous Cambridge Five brouhaha. No less than five top honchos in MI6 (the Brits’ CIA) turned out to be Soviet double agents who had fed the Kremlin sensitive intelligence secrets for decades. Kim Philby...

politics

Trump’s Big Con

And the winner is…Goldman Sachs! Fueled by outrage over the bankster-wrought economic misery exploited by Donald Trump’s faux populism, the 2016 Presidential election was nuttier than vaudeville. But it was business as usual on Wall Street the morning after. Even before moving into the White House, Trump revealed that Goldman may run the Treasury Department...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Jared Kushner

The standard practice in every third-world banana republic is gross cronyism and nepotism. The big honcho in power stifles competition, ladling out monopoly contracts to his pals and hiring relatives for key government positions, guaranteeing obscene fortunes for his tribe at the expense of the general public. The whole nation is turned into a private...

politics

Checks & Balances

Like it or not, the hugely irritating figure of Donald Trump—yes, The Donald, that designed-to-disturb bully-boy creation of reality media gone wild—has been elected to be the most powerful individual in the world. For the next four years this cartoon character will have his finger on the button to launch a nuclear war that could...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Kris Kobach

Times seem bleak for progressives right now, with the GOP triumphant in the House and Senate and a seriously unstable egomaniac running the whole show. But the Republicans know that this is really a one-off. Demographic trends spell a near-certain reversal of fortune and unavoidable Democratic dominance within the next decade. The country is becoming...

politics

Hope Springs Eternal

Scratching around for some rare good news concerning our bullyboy President, I’ve conjured up a couple of positive signs that may help you sleep better. The first concerns the ultimate horror of global annihilation. The Donald’s trembling finger on the nuclear-strike button could end, in less than an hour, most forms of recognizable life on...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Eric Trump

When a son emulates his father, it’s often said that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. In the case of the Trump family, it’s more like the turds don’t plop far from the Asshole. That’s certainly the case with Eric Trump, the third turd spawned by Donald Trump, now the world’s reigning king...

politics

Automakers & Making America Great Again

Looking for a new car, I tried to buy American. It wasn’t just because Donald Trump kept going on and on about making America great again by bringing back well-paying jobs, like the auto industry had when I was growing up. Heck, that was the plan when Barack Obama first got elected. Obama did bail...

politics

Picking a Fight

Fascism begins with blaming the stranger for your problems. And it works, or Donald Trump wouldn’t be President. Of course, the brash billionaire benefited from two interrelated campaign promises: to erect a wall along the U.S.-Mexico border and perk up the stagnant wages of American workers. Kick out the foreigners, and the good times will...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Sarah Huckabee Sanders

Melissa McCarthy is no doubt crying. Sean Spicer, the butt of her hilarious send-ups on SNL, has finally resigned as White House press secretary. McCarthy may have killed this golden goose —Spicer was effectively laughed out of office. But hold on, Melissa—the Republican clown car has already disgorged fresh comedy fodder: Spicer’s replacement, Sarah Huckabee...

politics

Common Sense

President Donald Trump’s laundry list of horrors— from bashing immigrants to exacerbating climate change to undermining women’s rights—all deserve to be condemned. But the one keeping me up at night is Trump’s power to end all human life on this planet in a matter of hours simply by pressing the nuclear-strike button with that finger...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Stephen Miller

If Ronald Reagan was the Great Communicator, however bankrupt the policies he communicated, Donald Trump is the Great Babbler. With a fifth grader’s vocabulary and the inability to string a coherent sentence together, he really needs all the help he can get communicating to the public. And he hasn’t been helped much by departed clowns...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Joe Arpaio

The surest path to elected office in America is the ever popular vow to “get tough” on crime. “Getting tough” sounds better than “getting smart” on crime, which works better. So instead of smart district attorneys and sheriffs, we often get stupid tough guys with more phony brawn than brains. A lot of them turn...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Ivanka Trump

Donald Trump’s daughter Ivanka is beautiful— blond, slender, high cheekbones, sultry eyes—she’s also proof positive that beauty is only skin deep. Ivanka was supposed to be the good Trump in the White House, providing the conscience her psycho dad lacked. Unfortunately, she’s turned into the poster girl for the President’s bullshit populism. While Big Daddy...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Dana Rohrabacher

California has produced its share of freaks and crackpots, but topping that list of lunatics is the 29-year incumbent GOP representative from Orange County, Dana Rohrabacher. Like an outhouse that hasn’t been emptied for three decades, he continues to burp out blasts of ever more obnoxious effluvia. The man has actually stated that climate change...

politics

Asshole of the Month: John Kelly

When retired four-star Marine general John Kelly was installed as Trump’s chief of staff, there was a huge sigh of relief across the land. It seemed that the “adult day care center,” as Republican senator Bob Corker called the White House, was finally going to be supervised by someone who had at least an inkling...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Donald Trump Jr.

As if one Donald Trump is not enough to trouble the world, we also have to suffer his eldest spawn. Don Junior’s got Senior’s back, ready to whack anybody critical of our constipated Dufus in Chief with his own obnoxious Twitterstorms. And he very likely helped shoehorn Daddy into office by dirty-dealing with the Russians....

politics

Asshole of the Month: Mark Zuckerberg

In the film The Social Network about the founding of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg’s soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend tells him, “You’re going to go through life thinking that girls don’t like you because you’re a nerd. And I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that that won’t be true. It’ll be because you’re an asshole.”...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Wayne LaPierre

Like dogs, there are many different breeds of Assholes in the world: your garden-variety barkers, mangy kleptocrats and, worst of all, rabid pit bulls. Wayne LaPierre, longtime CEO of America’s most powerful nonprofit organization, the National Rifle Association, is the latter breed of Asshole. Gun owners, before you get your camo panties in a wad...

HUSTLER Picks

Brushing Up on Going Down: The Pros’ Guide to Eating Pussy
The Business of Pleasure: How to Succeed in Sex Work (by Really Trying)
Three Is a Magic Number

Popular Keywords

Barely Legal Lexie James Beaver Hunt Angela White Brooklyn Gray Nancy Ace

Bits & Pieces

Cartoons

Jokes

Parodies

January 2025

Search

HUSTLER Picks