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Money For Main Street!

When Foreign Affairs, the mouthpiece of the policy-setting Council on Foreign Relations, runs an article recommending that the Federal Reserve do a money drop directly on the 99%, you know the central bank must be down to its last bullet. The publication’s September/October 2014 issue featured a startling proposal by Mark Blyth and Eric Lonergan...

politics

Marching Down Blunder Road

Was Saddam Hussein a danger because his arsenal included weapons of mass destruction? That was the pretext for the 2003 Iraq invasion, which left thousands of American soldiers dead or maimed while visiting death and destruction upon millions of Iraqi civilians. The region has been in turmoil ever since because the guys chosen by our...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Andrea Tantaros

This month’s assholette is only 35 years old, which is like puberty for the true shit heel. Assholes get more bitter and twisted over the years, eventually piling up more hemorrhoids of hate than any ointment could ever remedy. This Fox News floozy is well on her way to that fate. But since she’s only...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Mia Love

If you want to make people think you’re not racist, sexist or anti-immigrant, jump into bed with a black, first-generation piece of ass. That’s what the Republican Party did. Of course, the fact that you’re banging a black chick will gradually wear off, and eventually you’ll have to stop talking and acting like a sexist,...

politics

Dollar Democracy

The naked truth has been exposed, and it’s not a pretty picture! American Democracy has become Dollar Democracy. Many elected officials are bought by campaign contributions from superrich individuals and big corporations. During the 2012 election season, Presidential and Congressional candidates and their supporters raised and spent over $6.2 billion. The bulk came from the...

politics

Affordable or Deplorable?

The Republican Party regained control of the U.S. Senate, but the Affordable Care Act—aka Obamacare—is here to stay. That’s because the GOP always dances to the tune played by big money. President Obama’s healthcare reform has turned out to be a great source of profit for the insurance companies. Soon after the 2014 midterm elections...

politics

Probing our Pervos

How did George W. Bush’s war on terror validate the depraved sadism authorized at the highest levels of his administration? That long-overlooked question was raised by the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence, which compiled (and controversially made public) an exhaustive report on the CIA’s post-9/11 torture program. The committee’s findings include sicko instances of rectal...

politics

Banking On A Sure Thing

While 49 state treasuries were submerged in red ink after the 2008 financial crisis, one state’s bank outperformed all others. So reports The Wall Street Journal, discussing the Bank of North Dakota (BND) and its striking success in the midst of a national financial collapse led by the major banks. Chester Dawson begins his November...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Tucker Carlson

Yes, this month’s millionaire turd manufacturer is so blandly semi-idiotic, we had to drink a crate of rubbing alcohol and smoke all granny’s meth before we could work up a rage. Nevertheless, we suspect an examination of this particular sphincter might offer a very valuable lesson, namely: How to become a common whore. Carlson is...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Rafael Cruz

This month’s asshole is the only thing on this planet that could make us feel sorry for Ted Cruz. Sure, a lot of people have fucked up dads. But the Tea Partying U.S. Senator from Texas was cursed with one so deeply twisted, it snuffed out his spirit to rebel much like an abortionist tearing...

politics

In The Line Of Fire

Je suis HUSTLER. Despite being a longtime contributor to this magazine, I have been shocked by its raunchy and occasionally downright disgusting cartoons, some placed dangerously close to my own pristine words. But I had a change of heart in the aftermath of the massacre of those uncontrollably irreverent cartoonists who personified the French satirical...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Louie Gohmert

If you think George W. Bush is the most backward buffoon ever to come out of Texas, think again. Dubya’s reign may soon be upstaged by another inbred spawn of the Loon Star state— Republican Representative Louie Gohmert. A blunt-speaking darling of the Tea Party crowd, Gohmert’s reactionary philosophy is summed up in this statement:...

politics

Friend Or Foe?

What we don’t know about Saudi Arabia is killing us. That’s the insane subtext of the so-called War on Terror, a decades-long travesty during which six U.S. presidents have been hustled by the religious fanatics of a brutal theocracy. Saudis are the sworn enemies of all our basic democratic values; yet we have embraced them...

politics

Asshole of the Month: James Inhofe

We ridicule Iran as a country dominated by backward-minded religious zealots, clinging to the ancient Quran as the supreme authority for governing life in the modern world. But those who live in glass greenhouses shouldn’t cast stones: America has its own tribe of embarrassing Bible-belt baboons making idiotic statements and self-destructive policies. Chief among them,...

politics

Indefensible Waste Of Money

In his January 17, 1961, farewell address, President Dwight D. Eisenhower warned that “in the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex” and “the disastrous rise of misplaced power.” Most American leaders have ignored his warning and have allowed the military-industrial juggernaut...

politics

Why Isn’t He In The Slammer?

No one is ever prosecuted for revealing secrets that make the government look good. The book is only thrown at whistleblowers, like Edward Snowden, who expose government officials for betraying the public trust. Unless sex is involved! Then, as former CIA Director David Petraeus learned, puritanism trumps even the claims of patriotism, and passing highly...

politics

What a Friggin’ Meese!

The 41st anniversary of HUSTLER as a controversial pornographic magazine is a fit occasion to evoke the memory of Edwin Meese III. As President Ronald Reagan’s attorney general, Meese failed spectacularly in his effort to shut down the publication and others like it. But that setback wouldn’t dampen his usefulness to reactionary causes. From the...

politics

Asshole of the Century: George W. Bush

As democracy is perfected, the office of President represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron,” wrote H.L. Mencken, the Sage of...

politics

Useless Spying

They are such liars! Since September 2001 the government’s secrecy spooks have insisted that their indiscriminate monitoring of our phone calls, emails, financial transactions and reading habits is necessary to protect us from terrorists. But evidence is mounting that the NSA, CIA and FBI are full of it. There is not a single provable instance...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Tom Cotton

Tom Cotton, the freshman senator from Arkansas, has stormed Capitol Hill like a fire-breathing Godzilla, determined to demolish any moves toward diplomacy, peace and non violent resolution of world conflicts. The whole Neocon nutball chorus is swooning over him, having finally found somebody besides a craven chickenhawk to beat their war drums. After graduating from...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Jeb Bush

After the embarrassing debacle of George W. Bush’s presidency, you’d think the Republican Party would be wary of offering up one of his siblings for another stint in the White House. But the Bush pedigree is ever popular in conservative circles, guaranteed to haul in record boatloads of campaign cash from the oligarchs who virtually...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Ben Carson

By popular acclaim of the Tea Party and the evangelical ding-dong wing of the Republican Party, Dr. Ben Carson has been drafted to run for President. No doubt he’s a smart and talented man: former head of pediatric surgery at Johns Hopkins Hospital, the first surgeon to separate conjoined twins attached at the head, author...

politics

Derailing Amtrak

Eight people were killed and more than 200 injured when an Amtrak train bound for New York City derailed in Philadelphia on May 12. According to federal officials, the train had been barreling around a sharp curve at 106 mph—more than double the allowable maximum speed—just moments before the locomotive and all the cars careened...

politics

Gays’ Big Day

Thanks to the wisdom of five U.S. Supreme Court justices, the sexual revolution has won its most important victory. By affirming the “equal dignity” of same-sex marriage, the Court held that the significance of matrimony transcends the traditional religious purpose of procreation. As Justice Anthony Kennedy noted for the majority opinion in Obergefell v. Hodges,...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Marco Rubio

Marco Rubio is a fresh new face in the Republican Presidential sweepstakes, but despite the good looks and charming articulation—a Ricky Ricardo look-alike carefully tailored to siphon the Hispanic vote away from Democrats—he’s afflicted with the same debilitating political Alzheimer’s that plagues the rest of the pack. After five years in the U.S. Senate, Rubio...

politics

The True Gospel On Immigration

About this fellow Jesus, who is the object of much commercial attention right now: If you care a whit about his moral teachings, you’ll share my beliefs regarding the immigration dispute. According to the Good Samaritan parable in the New Testament’s Gospel of Luke, the divinely inspired message on obtaining safe passage to heaven is...

politics

Adios, Embargo!

Viva hookers, rum and cigars! The booze, the fried plantains and everything else just tastes better down there. Before the U.S. slammed the door shut in October 1960, Cuba was a veritable paradise. No one idolized it more than war correspondent, novelist and adventurer Ernest Hemingway. And not just for the great fishing. The casinos...

politics

Hard Power Or Soft?

The concept of yin and yang came about when ancient Chinese thinkers began viewing the world as a harmonious entity. As Shen-nong.com explains, they theorized that every object and phenomenon “had complementary and opposing characteristics in nature. Some examples include: sky and earth, day and night, water and fire, active and passive, male and female...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Carly Fiorina

Carly Fiorina won the “junior varsity” round of the first Republican Presidential debate on August 6, 2015, and was hailed by some pundits and right-wing activists as the GOP’s antidote to Hillary Clinton. They all praised her poise and elocution, which amounts to so much lipstick on a pig, because gnarly Carly embodies the supposed...

politics

Massive Betrayal

Where did all of those people come from? This past September the world’s conscience was suddenly confronted by an unprecedented stream of migrants and refugees—mostly from Syria, but also from Iraq, Libya, Kosovo and Afghanistan—seeking asylum in Europe. Some countries, notably Hungary, turned their backs on those suffering foreigners. Others, led by Germany and Sweden,...

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