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Asshole of the Month: Elisabeth Hasselbeck

The list of people repulsive enough to get named Asshole of the Month three times is pretty fucking exclusive. So let’s give the newest member of this pantheon of shame—virulent media terrorist Elisabeth Hasselbeck—a congratulatory extra dollop on her crap sandwich. The rectal floozy who recently migrated like a shit-seeking fly to Fox News’ Fox...

politics

Flash of Patriotism On Capitol Hill

Sometimes Republicans get it right, usually after first being terribly wrong. But when sanity does prevail, we should be thankful all the same. That’s why Congressman Jim Sensenbrenner, a Wisconsin Republican and former chairman of the House Judiciary Committee, is that rare right-winger I want to commend. True, he screwed up a decade ago in...

politics

Obama’s Iron Fist

On first taking possession of the Oval Office, Barack Obama appeared to be restoring basic Constitutional rights annulled by the Bush-Cheney regime. The President pledged to soon close the detention facility at Guantanamo, where alleged terrorists were sent to be held indefinitely outside American rule of law. And with a special dramatic tribute to our...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Larry Klayman

Even the most pathetic little turd can have a big dream once in a while. Right-wing attorney Larry Klayman’s latest stillborn fantasy was to lead a Tea Party lynch mob of millions to Washington, D.C., and spark the “Second American Revolution.” That’s code for “drag the black man out of the White House.” Less than...

politics

To Hell With the Money Changers!

Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin hate Pope Francis, and that’s all the recommendation you need that he may be blessed with divine wisdom. Hallelujah and about time for a break between those who affirm the sanctity of human life in the spirit of Jesus and the charlatans of the Christian Right who believe only in...

politics

A Supreme Injustice

The Electronic Privacy Information Center (EPIC) petitioned the U.S. Supreme Court to overturn a Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court order that Verizon hand over all its customer records to the National Security Agency. The outcome, as CommonDreams.org reported in November 2013, didn’t surprise me: “We Don’t Wanna Hear It.” The august justices gave no reason for...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Martha MacCallum

Fox News Channel chief Roger Ailes must be running a stupidity sweepstakes. He probably pays his bottle-blond Aryan airheads based on how high their sound bites score on the outrage meter. You gotta admit, that would explain a lot. Unfortunately for morning propaganda mistress Martha MacCallum, she’s up against the likes of Megyn Kelly. It’s...

politics

Truth, Treason & The American Way?

Edward Snowden is the John Peter Zenger of our time. In case you don’t get the historical reference, Zenger was a key figure in this nation’s grand struggle for freedom of the press. In 1734 he was charged with seditious libel for printing articles challenging the power of New York’s colonial governor. Zenger was jailed...

politics

Schoolyard Police State?

The National Security Agency’s voracious surveillance of Americans shows what the federal government thinks of privacy. But local law-enforcement agencies and school administrators nationwide are also destroying We the People’s Constitutional rights with impunity. In his TomDispatch.com blog “The Over-Policing of America,” lawyer Chase Madar details how oppressive our country has become: “There is the...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Rand Paul

This month’s shit-for-brains is a Republican only because the Libertarian Party ain’t got a turd’s chance at the toilet factory of ever getting into the White House. And because the Tea Party isn’t really a party, just a whacko faction of the GOP. And because the Ku Klux Klan isn’t a party either. And because...

politics

Spies and Lies

Our government has totally shredded our right to privacy and will blatantly lie about the vast extent of its domestic surveillance apparatus. We suspected it before, but now—thanks to NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden—we know it. The lying didn’t become a matter of established record, however, until Senator Ron Wyden’s persistent questioning at a Senate Select...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Eric Bolling

It’s no surprise that Eric Bolling’s favorite TV show is The Walking Dead. That’s not just because he walks among the zombies at Fox News or because station chief Roger Ailes has obviously chowed down on major portions of his brain. It’s because—judging by his ravings on Fox’s pundit show The Five—Bolling imagines himself surrounded...

politics

The Smear Matrix

Porn has a new hotshot, and I fear for Larry Flynt’s financial future now that Big Brother is challenging him for market share. Who needs HUSTLER Magazine when you have the British intelligence agency Government Communications Headquarters (GCHQ)—in cahoots with America’s National Security Agency—setting “honey traps” to snare or blackmail individuals by enticing them into...

politics

America Or China?

Back in the 1950s and ’60s, when FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover was convinced that a huge number of citizens were engaging in “un-American” activities, free-thinking friends of mine became very careful of what they said on the phone. Some even tried to disguise the titles of books and publications they bought. In my book...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Lindsey Graham

Heard this one? Why did the senator support the antigay Defense of Marriage Act? Because he was happy as a bachelor! Now don’t get us wrong, we don’t give a crap where the non-marrying, nonbreeding U.S. Senator from South Carolina Lindsey Graham sticks his shriveled Congressional member. But if he does indeed eat a bowl...

politics

Mr. Indecency

This is a fit time and place to mark the memory of one Charles Keating, the scoundrel who wanted to be remembered for having put Larry Flynt in jail. Instead, this holier-than-thou guardian of other people’s morals was locked up much longer for his own transgressions. In 1977, thanks to Keating’s incendiary crusade, Flynt was...

politics

Why I Dig Being in HUSTLER

As a reporter, historian, critic and columnist for more than 60 years, I’ve never wanted to write just for the choir—readers who always agree with me. The wider and more combative the audience, the better. So I was eager when HUSTLER Magazine not only published my article “The War on Free Speech” in October 2007...

politics

Assholes of the Month

If there’s one thing we’ve learned in four decades of writing about assholes, it’s this: An asshole taking a massive shit on our country will keep taking a massive shit on our country until somebody puts a stop to it. Call it Flynt’s First Law of Assholery. Judging by how many colossal creeps have been...

politics

Affirmative Inaction

Just days before a recorded conversation with Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling established that racism is alive and well in America, the U.S. Supreme Court decided that racial discrimination in college education is no longer a problem. Affirmative action had been the main vehicle for integrating higher education, but that door finally closed with...

politics

Banksters Are Not Our Only Option

“Epic in scale, unprecedented in world history.” That is how William K. Black—professor of law and economics and former banking regulator—describes the scams in which JPMorgan Chase (JPM) has now been implicated. They involve more than a dozen felonies, including bid-rigging on municipal bond debt; colluding to rig interest rates on hundreds of trillions of...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Tom Coburn

Early this year, Tom Coburn—the junior U.S. Senator from Oklahoma who has spent his entire career trying to plug the pipes of progress and keep people in his state below the poverty line—finally decided to do something good for the country: quit! Of course, like a good Republican manure spreader, he used the announcement that...

politics

2nd Amendment Double Standard

Once again some nutcase finds it all too easy to lay his hands on an arsenal he has no reasonable need to possess, and innocent people are randomly slaughtered. The latest example of deadly mayhem occurred in a college town in California, a state with some semblance of sane gun control, but not enough to...

politics

U.S. Education is Flunking

I wasn’t surprised to see the Wall Street Journal headline “High School Seniors’ Test Scores Stagnate,” but it did bolster my belief that Americans must address the short-comings in how students are being educated. Caroline Porter reported that “despite years of efforts to lift U.S. academic performance, 12th-graders showed no improvement in math or reading...

politics

Asshole of the Month: George Will

When we chose Pulitzer Prize-winning George Will as this month’s Asshole, we extended him an unprecedented offer: We invited him to write the column himself. Who better than the eloquent and eminently learned Mr. Will to explain how someone with such an exacting mind could at the same time be such a donkey’s ass? By...

politics

Unlikely Compatriots

I don’t mean to sully his reputation as some kind of rebel, but twice now a unanimous Supreme Court helmed by a conservative has sided with Larry Flynt on an important civil liberties call. In 1988 the Supremes backed Flynt in his legal battle with Moral Majority preacher Jerry Falwell, who took umbrage at a...

politics

Buying Up the Planet

When the U.S. Federal Reserve bought an 80% stake in American International Group (AIG) in September 2008, the unprecedented $85-billion outlay was justified as necessary to bail out the world’s largest insurance company. Today, however, central banks are on a global buying spree not to bail out bankrupt corporations but simply as an investment. Central...

politics

Asshole of the Month: David Green

Since this month’s pile of manger manure couldn’t mind his own business and had to spend his senile years fucking with women’s rights, HUSTLER enlisted my help as a writer who actually knows something about uteruses and how they work since, unlike David Green, I actually have one. Brace yourself, David, to feel the righteous...

politics

Asshole of the Month: Rick Perry

At first glance you might think that Rick Perry, the Republican governor of Texas, is good-looking. A kind of Marlboro Man—the quintessential American cowboy. That probably explains why he’s been able to stay in office so long—since 2000, when he replaced George W. Bush. In fact, both men share that cowboy mystique. But if you...

politics

Zeroing In on the Truth

Finally, the U.S. Senate Select Committee on Intelligence has been allowed to tell us the truth about torture: It doesn’t work. The CIA-endorsed lie that evidence obtained by waterboarding led U.S. Navy Seals to al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden was strategically planted by the agency in the script for the film Zero Dark Thirty. The ineffectiveness...

politics

How Far Does the 1st Amendment Go?

The rival newspapers were as opinionated as many New Yorkers and suburbanites. On May 17, 2014, the New York Post plastered its front page with “HEIL HAIL: City puts brakes on ‘Nazi’ cabby.” The Daily News came up with a similar pun: “Hail Hitler.” Provoking the furor was taxi driver Gabriel Diaz, 27, a self-described...

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