Bits & Pieces
Articles with unfiltered opinions
Bits & Pieces
Articles with unfiltered opinions
If Trump, Then Canada
Commentator Pat Buchanan (yes, he lives—if you consider writing political screed about how unfair life is for rich white bastards like him, living) may call Donald Trump “The Great White Hope,” but for thousands of U.S. citizens,...
She’ll Take Incredibly Awkward for $200
Jeopardy! has televised its share of uncomfortable moments over its 32- year run, but the game show sunk to new depths when host Trebek turned to journalist/celebrity contestant Lara Logan and said, “Lara Logan, a few...
Utah’s Nitty Gritty Titty Committee
Hang on to your magic underwear, people of Utah. Your state government has officially declared pornography a “public health hazard.” State Senator Todd Weiler sponsored the resolution, telling the Salt Lake Tribune,...
Detachable Penis
Vandals of Arcachon, a small seaside resort in France, have cut off Heracles’ dick for the last time. Erected in 1948 to honor local heroes of the French Resistance, the ten-foot marble man has been a perpetual victim of genital mutilation, with...
Blond Ambition
Bakersfield, California. Home to those who struck it rich in the oil business, Basque immigrants and descendants of poor Oklahoman farmers who migrated during the Dust Bowl. More West Texas than West Coast. Famous for independent thinkers....
Ted’s XXX Adventure
Looking to get off and vomit simultaneously? XHamster has procured porn featuring Ted Cruz doppelganger Searcy Hayes, a 21-year-old from Natchez, Mississippi, discovered on the Maury Show. “She’s no stranger to heartache and pain,” talk show...
A Royal Proclamation
This hilarious Queen Elizabeth II gif has been floating around the Internet for months. Seems Her Majesty recently turned 90 and decided she’s finally old enough to tell the world exactly what she thinks of her pet peeves, like babies at dinner,...
Government Boobs
Is there a sale on intolerant boobs in New Hampshire? State Senator Nancy Stiles (Republican, natch!) was mortified when 54-year-old Heidi Lilley and 23-year-old Kia Sinclair went topless at Hampton Beach last year in support of #FreeTheNipple, a...
Hookers for Hillary
Brothel owner (and author! and reality TV star!) Dennis “My business is built on privacy and discretion” Hof likes attention, so his Hookers for Hillary campaign might seem like nothing more than a publicity grab for his Moonlite BunnyRanch....
Caligula Dot Com
The party is winding down at Zenefits, a human-resources tech startup once valued at $4.5 billion. Its CEO Parker Conrad resigned after concerns about the company’s failure to meet legal compliances and its party-down office culture. Translation:...
Porn Is Good for You
Ever since serial killer/knob Ted Bundy blamed hardcore pornography for fueling his horrendous crimes, many a misguided soul has taken it for granted that porn consumption leads to the objectification and devaluation of women. But according to a...
Trump’s Teenie Weenie
You know things are going badly for the GOP when even a Fox News focus group spits out words like “shameful,” “disappointing,” “despicable” and “disgusting” to describe the debate performance of Republican Presidential...
Carmen Electrifies
Here at HUSTLER, we dig into shit, in this case Kocktails With Khloé, so you don’t have to. We’re not sure who’s responsible for greenlighting this, the latest spelling-challenged, televised turd to fall out of the Kardashian empire, but we...
Truly Mortifying
The hundreds gathered at Thornhill Crematorium in Cardiff to mourn a man killed in a car accident were horrified to see hardcore porn projected during the funeral service. The X-rated footage appeared on a large screen and ran for nearly four...
Young John’s Schlong
“I can keep an erection almost indefinitely,” porn legend John Holmes told HUSTLER in 1983. “I can also keep an erection straddling a girl at the edge of a cliff, looking down at 300 feet of nothing, with my knees bleeding from the sandstone...
Club Girl: Shavelle Love
Shavelle declares. “It’s a place where anything goes. I love the heat. Traffic isn’t bad. Everything is open. Parking is never a problem. And there’s always a pool party somewhere!” According to Shavelle, the nightlife in Vegas...
Rooms With a View
Suspecting that she might be her generation’s Don McCullin, 17-year-old Jo Broughton wanted to change the world through photography. Thing is, she sucked at art school. “I was really bad,” she laughs. “Not attending properly, always late. A...
Furry Fury
Hey, furries, Tony the Tiger has had it up to here with your smutty tweets. The Kellogg cereal mascot tried being patient with the furry fans who flooded his official Twitter account with lewd, lascivious comments and requests for nude photos,...
Hap-Penis
The world’s first FDA-cleared penis implant is here. Yeah, yeah—we know, bigger isn’t better, and most women say they don’t care how big a dick is (according to a 2014 report based on a study of 26,437 women ages 18-65, 84% are “very...
Satan Is My Copilot
Even those who avoid the Trinity Broadcasting Network got a nice whiff of bullshit when a segment from Kenneth Copeland’s Believer’s Voice of Victory recently went viral. Copeland, truly one of today’s most repugnant holy rollers, sat down...
Somewhere, An Egret Cried
Pointing a gun at a Federal officer is a crime, but for almost a month, the government response to the antigovernment protest at the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in Oregon was restrained, at least IRL. Sexual tensions at...
Club Girl: Melanie
After spending the last six months traveling back and forth between Minnesota and Las Vegas, our 25-year-old Club Girl decided to plant her high heels squarely in Sin City, where you can find her dancing at Larry Flynt’s HUSTLER Club, Las Vegas....
