Here at HUSTLER, we dig into shit, in this case Kocktails With Khloé, so you don’t have to. We’re not sure who’s responsible for greenlighting this, the latest spelling-challenged, televised turd to fall out of the Kardashian empire, but we hope that person lives with crippling guilt for the rest of his or her life. Here’s what you’re (not) missing: Once a week Khloé—which one is she again?—puffs out her collagen-inflated lips, crosses her eyes and does a painfully stilted reading from the teleprompter extolling her “exciting” guests, typically equally vacant and booze-bloated “celebrities.” Together these dimwits sit in Khloé’s Kitchen drinking brightly colored, alcoholic drinks from “fun” glassware as they talk over one another about less than nothing for, oh, the next hour.
There is one bright moment in the first (and hopefully last) season, however—the age-defying, gorgeous Carmen Electra, who appears in Episode 6. Stroking her long hair and biting her finger, Carmen confesses, “I do a lot of porn watching myself. It may be a little addiction.” She says she’s given up on trying to hide her smut habit from her maid, who is bound to stumble on it anyway. “I have to just call my shit out,” she shrugs. “I love porn. It’s fun! I like S&M. I like a little hardcore…. Spank that butt!” she enthuses, explaining that she keeps a cane right by her bed. (As long as Carmen’s administering justice, can she please whack the Kardashians a few billion times for us?)