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The people downstairs hate me…
“The people downstairs hate me…”...
How do you get Jehovah’s WItnesses to quickly scram when they come to your door?
Question: How do you get Jehovah’s WItnesses to quickly scram when they come to your door? Answer: Ask them if they came by for the orgy....
Hey, sweetie, we don’t have to social-distance anymore! Isn’t it great?
“Hey, sweetie, we don’t have to social-distance anymore! Isn’t it great?”...
How to Spot a Cheater
We all have a tell: avoiding eye contact, touching our hair, whistling. And if you’re not careful, these unconscious ticks will expose you. In England, one private investigator is blowing the lid off of extramarital affairs by revealing all the little things we do to give ourselves away when we’ve been unfaithful. You may think...
Since the pandemic, my wife has been working from home.
“Since the pandemic, my wife has been working from home.”...
I’m not going back to being a hooker…
“I’m not going back to being a hooker… I’m doing this for fun!”...
Mr. Harris can’t come to the phone right now…
“Mr. Harris can’t come to the phone right now. He’s trying out a new chair design!”...
Yes, dear, the refrigerator is fixed, but you forgot to leave me money for the repairman…
“Yes, dear, the refrigerator is fixed, but you forgot to leave me money for the repairman…”...
Breathe Easier
Between climate change, pollen and pollution, allergy sufferers are really taking it in the nuts these days (yours truly included). A stuffed nose can totally ruin sex. But—and hold on to your hats, folks—what if sex, or orgasms for that matter, were the cure to your congestion? Instead of fluticasone, try a prescription for masturbation...
The SpongeBob Blues
Photo by Nickelodeon Movies / AllStar Picture Library LTD./Alamy Even if you’re sexually adventurous and open-minded, you likely have limits. Such is the case with a Reddit user who wrote that his girlfriend has…needs. Role-play, to be specific. Cartoon-based, to be more specific. Lives in a pineapple under the sea, if you catch our drift....
Dave was recovering from a knee operation when his pal Tony…
Dave was recovering from a knee operation when his pal Tony dropped by. “How are you doing, dude?” he asked. “I’m hanging in there,” Dave replied, “but do me a favor. Run up the stairs and get my slippers. My feet are freezing.” Tony went up and saw Dave’s 19-year-old twin daughters lying on their...
The G-Scale Explained
Some orgasms are better than others—like astral-projecting-into-an-other-dimension better. But every climax is different, with variables such as duration, intensity and stimulation all adding to the mix. For those who sport a vagina and love to touch it, consider the loosely scientific G-scale: a framework for gauging your climaxes and taking them to new heights. As...
Late one night Pete and Vance were having beers at a bar when…
Late one night Pete and Vance were having beers at a bar when a touchy subject came up. “I don’t know what else to do,” Pete grumbled. “Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the drive-way, shut off the engine and coast into the...
While making his rounds, a policeman checked out a used…
While making his rounds, a policeman checked out a used-car lot and spotted two elderly women sitting in one of the vehicles. Since the business was closed for the day, he walked over and muttered, “This looks suspicious. Are you ladies planning to steal this car?” “Heavens no!” Esther shrieked. “We bought it!” “Why didn’t...
Donald Trump may have been born with a silver spoon in his mouth…
“Donald Trump may have been born with a silver spoon in his mouth, but Don Jr., Eric and Ivanka were born with silver spoons up their asses.”...
It was good to see the Republicans in the House teach that…
It was good to see the Republicans in the House teach that…...
Can I call you back, dear? The office is crazy today, and I’ve got 69 things to do!
“Can I call you back, dear? The office is crazy today, and I’ve got 69 things to do!”...
HUSTLER Two-Timers: Mila Azul
Welcome back to HUSTLER Two-Timers, where we celebrate Honeys so nice, we’ve featured them twice! Today we’re focusing our attention and affection on Mila Azul, who hails from the Ukrainian capital of Kiev. As a popular song of yore once enthused, “Well the Ukraine girls really knock me out,” and you’d be hard-pressed to find...
Ed Asner: “My Soul Is Progressive”
Ed Asner has won more Primetime Emmy Awards for performance than any male actor in television history. He earned five for portraying his signature role, the gruff but lovable newsman Lou Grant—first on the sitcom The Mary Tyler Moore Show and then in the spinoff hour-long series Lou Grant—making him the first actor to score...
Fakku, Buddy!
With a massive catalog of titles such as Intimate Days, publisher Fakku is helping the Japanese art form of hentai thrive among English-speaking audiences. Over the past 20-ish years, the Japanese art forms of manga and anime have been increasingly assimilated into Western culture. One of the earliest companies to bring sexually explicit manga—referred to...
Saturday Special: Popping Off
It’s the weekend—time to blow off some steam or, if you prefer, churn out some cream! Whether you like babes who take it on the chin, rumps lovingly glazed with sack sauce or a douse of jizz perfectly adorning a pair of big, beautiful tits, you’ll find something to love about this explosive photo celebration....
Threeways: A Sexual Minefield
Yes, threesomes are the Holy Grail of sexual fantasies. But they are also loaded with potential pitfalls. Here’s what to look out for if you’re planning to add a third party to the mix. Threesomes are the queen mother of all sexual fantasies, the Holy Grail of most people’s fuck-it lists. Why do so many...
Junk in the Trunk
If you’ve ever wondered exactly what your favorite adult entertainers can’t do without when they go to the set, rejoice; they’re about to unload their baggage for you. No doubt you’ve noticed the amazing outfits your favorite XXX stars wear when they grace the screen (at least until they toss off their clothes and get...
Hump-Day Special: Bikini Babe Blowout Vol. IV
Summer’s almost over and, sadly, the ladies will be packing up their skimpy bikinis and swapping them for bulkier, less revealing wardrobes soon. Boo! But don’t worry; as we head toward Labor Day and prepare to bid farewell to summer, we’re going out with a bang—in the form of some of HUSTLER’s hottest Honeys stripping...
Friday Funnies: Checkup Chuckles
Not feeling yourself today? Don’t worry, we have the cure for what ails you—a strong dose of humor! These jokes are just what the doctor ordered, so laugh yourself healthy with some of HUSTLER’s most uproarious cartoons about the medical profession. Open up and say, “A-hahahahaha!” “I’ve performed physicals on 40 Republican senators these past...
“Hey, buddy, mind if I go ahead of you? I only get a 20-minute lunch break.”
“Hey, buddy, mind if I go ahead of you? I only get a 20-minute lunch break.”...
