Minimum Sentence For Bigamy
Question: What is the minimum sentence for bigamy? Answer: Two mothers-in-law. ...
Bits & Pieces
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Turning Tricks
Trends in film may come and go, but hookers are forever. Some miss the mark (Heather Graham, The Hangover), while others are pure exploitation (Angel, 1984), but recent offerings have injected new life and dimension to this oft-misrepresented archetype. Just look at Maggie Gyllenhaal’s Golden Globe-nominated performance as Candy, the dead-on-the-inside prostitute from HBO’s The...
On Bended Knees
Wedding photos: Is there anything worse? The forced romance, the manufactured moments…pass the gun. If only this worn-out medium had something less tired and predictable to offer, something to offset the mundane treacle of sunsets and longing glances. Dutch photographer Michael Klooster didn’t exactly invent the wedding blowjob, though he certainly helped make it a...
Waterbeds Turn 50
That’s right, swingers—the waterbed has been around for five whole decades, and according to its inventor, Charlie Hall, the time is nigh for a comeback. “My theory is, there’s a whole generation that was spawned on a waterbed…they’re going to swim upstream like salmon and buy another one” (The Canadian Press). As Hall prepares to...
Anal Is on the Menu
What a magical time to be into butt stuff! If you’re a guy who loves anal sex, then you’ll be heartened to know that more women than ever are taking it up the ass on a regular basis. A new survey by Bespoke Surgical reveals that one in four straight women enjoy anal sex on...
The Real Fake News Bannon: Insane in the Membrane
SILICON VALLEY, CA—A more-disheveled-than-usual Steve Bannon, former top aide to President Trump, was seen yesterday pacing furiously by a Taco Bell dumpster, which he bitterly referred to as Trashvanka 2.0. At 12 feet away, onlookers reported the strong stench of stale sweat and burrito grease. “Look at all these wondrous shirts!” he howled, pawing feverishly...
The Real Fake News: Zuckerberg Faces Facts
PALO ALTO, CA—Amid a chorus of growing concern surrounding the spread of fake news stories on Facebook during the 2016 Presidential election, and the potential for similar abuses in the coming 2018 midterms, Facebook cofounder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg has announced plans to fight misinformation on the site. “We’ve formulated a three-prong approach to tackle...
Baby-Birding
Redditor iPiPrince first suspected something was amiss when he tried the scrambled eggs. They looked okay, but for some reason tasted too… mushy. And then there was the smell—it seemed off. His girlfriend attributed it to fancy cheese, but the truth would prove far more disturbing. Turns out our unwitting boyfriend was totally unaware that...
Pot Parties
The tectonic shift toward legal marijuana is bringing people together, with some dispensaries offering more than choice bud to their less inhibited customers. Let’s put it this way: Weed makes everything better—food, music, sex…especially sex. So it is at the Speakeasy Vape Lounge and Cannabis Club in Colorado Springs, where owner Jaymen Johnson recently hosted...
Women on the March
There’s no denying the momentum of change as women worldwide marched again this January. As much a collective “Fuck you!” to Trump’s blithe misogyny as a declaration of war against the status quo, this collective show of strength and solidarity proved inspiring and hopeful. Any lingering concerns over maintaining last year’s momentum proved unfounded. According...
Slope-side in South Korea
Sex and the Olympics go together like skiing and snow. And athletes did not disappoint at the recent Winter Games in Pyeongchang. Magnificent physical specimens with raging libidos long repressed by unrelenting training schedules grabbed at the opportunity to finally cut loose. But safety first: Competitors were provided with around 110,000 condoms. For the 2,925...
Sex Toys For All
In theory the idea of receiving a free butt plug or Hitachi Magic Wand in the mail may seem like a dream come true, but in reality it can be kind of creepy. Such was the case for dozens of people across Canada and the U.S. who received X-rated parcels via online retail giant Amazon—toys...
The Real Fake News: Assault Rifles Have Many Awesome Uses
FAIRFAX, VA—A group of unbiased scientists from the National Rifle Academy has conducted a study finally debunking the nefarious myth that assault rifles’ only use in American life is the wholesale slaughter of concert crowds and schoolchildren. “We surveyed upwards of seven people—who we’ve definitely never met before,” says lead NRA scientist Lane WaDierre, stroking...
The Politics of Porn
Blame porn. That seems to be the response of desperate legislators eager to avoid being held accountable for their states’ problems. Let’s start with Kansas: Last February the state senate passed a resolution declaring pornography a public health crisis that “normalizes violence and abuse against women and children.” Problem is, that’s complete bullshit. According to...
Bra & Order
It’s one thing for adult content to be viewed by your unsuspecting grandma, but you’d think a lawyer would have a pretty high threshold for nipples. Still, even parasites must have their limits. The human tapeworms of the Utah Bar Association feigned shock in March, when every lawyer in the state received a boobilicious image...
Celebrity Sex Stories
In the age of Fake News, Reddit is citizen journalism in its purest form: This happened to me, and now I’m sharing it with you. Believe me or don’t believe me, I don’t care. Fact or fiction, who knows? Still, some threads ring more true than others. Case in point: celebrity sex testimonials. There’s no...
The Real Fake News: 1 in 4 Americans Will Have Worked for Trump by 2020
Researchers at the University of Phoenix have crunched the numbers, and at the current rate, it’s estimated that nearly 75 million Americans will have worked for the Trump Administration by the end of his term. “We knew it would be high, with White House employees being fired or resigning on a daily basis, but were...
You Are Not Alone
There’s no sugarcoating it: The end of 2017/beginning of 2018 was a dark time for the porn industry. It culminated at the AVN Awards in January, where Best Director Greg Lansky said only a brief thank-you before yielding the mic to fellow director Kevin Moore, whose wife, August Ames, took her own life last December....
Fellatio Finesse
When a seemingly new sex trend emerges, its repercussions can be both profound and unsettling (I’m looking at you, Jason Biggs). But where pies failed, fruit now reigns supreme as the edible sex aid of choice. Welcome to the consciousness-expanding phenomenon colloquially known as grapefruiting. The citrus-based sexual kink took center stage after being featured...
The Real Fake News: Haspel Shatters Glass Ceiling With Ice Pick
WASHINGTON, D.C.—After days of perfunctory hearings, and with the help of six key Democratic votes, longtime CIA veteran Gina Haspel was confirmed as the agency’s first female director, reducing that glass ceiling to razor-sharp splinters. Some are hailing Haspel’s confirmation as a victory for women and feminism. “Used to be a time beating, waterboarding and...
Man Rear-ends Car
In what universe can a man mistake the exhaust pipe of a car with a human orifice, male or female? The answer is one where a person is somehow still alive with an off-the-charts 0.35 blood alcohol level. As reported by Oxygen.com, a heroically inebriated Kansas man was tased by police when he would not...
Topless Selfies Trending
It’s in a U.K. tabloid, so you know it must be real. The Sun is confirming that, yes, women are taking to social media with saucy selfies of exposed boobies in very public and populated restaurants. To be accurate, the photos are clearly snapped by a dining partner, but who cares about semantics when women...
