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Erection Problem
The husband was a bit embarrassed as he told the young doctor that he had trouble getting an erection with his wife and explained that she was getting frustrated. The doctor checked the man’s blood pressure and other vitals, then said he wanted to consult with the wife. The doctor led the woman to another...
Fap to the Future
Porn lovers, our prayers have finally been answered—no longer must we lay our dignity on the line to masturbate in front of the computer screen. Relax and enjoy your wank without the constant fear of someone walking in on you, because minimeyes has your back. As reported by Mashable, minimeyes is a motion sensor that...
The Real Fake News: Pillory Hillary?
It’s been nearly a year since President Clinton was elected to office by a landslide in both the popular vote and Electoral College. Her victory came easy after the FBI found strong evidence of Russian collusion on the part of Donald Trump last October, leaving Hillary to run against GOP running mate Mike Pence. But...
ISIS Crisis
ISIS was plunged into disarray today after a leading Muslim cleric announced that martyrs dying for Allah will not be rewarded with 72 virgins, but with just one 72- year-old virgin. According to the Akhand of Swat, known widely as “the Sage of Istanbul,” previous Islamic scholars got the Koran wrong, fatally misreading “72- year-old...
Glitch Porn
Is it scrambled pay-per-view sex? Corrupt video? An acid flashback? Introducing glitch porn, a new lo-fi obsession in an HD world. Gritty, grainy and distorted, glitch porn borrows heavily from vaporwave, an internet art form that fetishizes late ’90s web design and a sort of digital surrealism. Adding hardcore to the mix gives porn lovers...
Long Live Sex!
Do you know what telomeres are? They are about to improve your sex life. If at times it seems like getting your lady into bed involves cajoling or bargaining or standing on your fucking head, then this news is for you. Turns out all you need is science. A recent study done by the University...
The Real Fake News: Benedict Arnold Is Innocent
“It was a 20-minute meeting mainly about adoptions and the weather. Nothing came of it.” —General Benedict Arnold WASHINGTON, D.C.—A “treasure trove” of new documents discovered in the National Archives reveals that notorious American traitor Benedict Arnold (1741-1801) did not after all collude with the British during the Revolutionary War. According to Presidential historian Kellyanne...
Dick-ometrics
You’ve heard of biometrics, but one live-cam site is taking identification protocols far beyond retinal scans, into extremely intimate territory. CamSoda requests that its subscribers log in with their dick pic. In an interview with CNET, the website assures users that their dick-ometrics ID procedure is in fact very real—and accurate. They claim that your...
Prison Perks
Rise of the machines? Seems like it was only a matter of time before drones made humans obsolete—specifically the brave men and women who keister drugs and SIM cards into penitentiaries. As reported by The Verge, a USA Today study found that drones have been used successfully to fly contraband into federal prisons over the...
