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July 2025

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humor

Celebrity Sex Stories

In the age of Fake News, Reddit is citizen journalism in its purest form: This happened to me, and now I’m sharing it with you. Believe me or don’t believe me, I don’t care. Fact or fiction, who knows? Still, some threads ring more true than others. Case in point: celebrity sex testimonials. There’s no...
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The Real Fake News: 1 in 4 Americans Will Have Worked for Trump by 2020

Researchers at the University of Phoenix have crunched the numbers, and at the current rate, it’s estimated that nearly 75 million Americans will have worked for the Trump Administration by the end of his term. “We knew it would be high, with White House employees being fired or resigning on a daily basis, but were...
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You Are Not Alone

There’s no sugarcoating it: The end of 2017/beginning of 2018 was a dark time for the porn industry. It culminated at the AVN Awards in January, where Best Director Greg Lansky said only a brief thank-you before yielding the mic to fellow director Kevin Moore, whose wife, August Ames, took her own life last December....
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Fellatio Finesse

When a seemingly new sex trend emerges, its repercussions can be both profound and unsettling (I’m looking at you, Jason Biggs). But where pies failed, fruit now reigns supreme as the edible sex aid of choice. Welcome to the consciousness-expanding phenomenon colloquially known as grapefruiting. The citrus-based sexual kink took center stage after being featured...
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The Real Fake News: Haspel Shatters Glass Ceiling With Ice Pick

WASHINGTON, D.C.—After days of perfunctory hearings, and with the help of six key Democratic votes, longtime CIA veteran Gina Haspel was confirmed as the agency’s first female director, reducing that glass ceiling to razor-sharp splinters. Some are hailing Haspel’s confirmation as a victory for women and feminism. “Used to be a time beating, waterboarding and...
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Man Rear-ends Car

In what universe can a man mistake the exhaust pipe of a car with a human orifice, male or female? The answer is one where a person is somehow still alive with an off-the-charts 0.35 blood alcohol level. As reported by Oxygen.com, a heroically inebriated Kansas man was tased by police when he would not...
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Topless Selfies Trending

It’s in a U.K. tabloid, so you know it must be real. The Sun is confirming that, yes, women are taking to social media with saucy selfies of exposed boobies in very public and populated restaurants. To be accurate, the photos are clearly snapped by a dining partner, but who cares about semantics when women...
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An archbishop asked a young priest….

An archbishop asked a young priest, “Have you ever entertained lewd thoughts?” The priest confessed, “No, Your Excellency. They usually entertain me.”...
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Condoms Are a Crime?

In the spirit of SESTA/FOSTA and the Trumped up pretext of fighting human trafficking, one Pennsylvania county has discarded sanity and criminalized condoms. I shit you not. That’s right, condoms are now “instruments of crime” according to the Allegheny County police, who are charging sex workers with first-degree misdemeanors. In other words, police are punishing...
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The Real Fake News: Devos Blames School Shootings on Schools

LYNCHBURG, VA—During a speech at Liberty University, Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos ceased speaking in tongues long enough to identify three main obstacles to halting school shootings: the existence of students, teachers and schools. “Gefrannis booj pooch boo jujube; bear-ramage. Jigiji geeji geeja geeble lalala freemee, freemee, ulullalala!” an entranced DeVos advised the rapt evangelical...
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Warm Weenie Water: $38

­People will buy anything. It’s like we’re allergic to money and can’t empty our wallets of it quickly enough. Shameless corporations exploit this, while postmodern artists use it to craft expensive punch lines. So it was for attendees of the Car Free Day Festival in Vancouver, British Columbia, last June. A blogger for The Takeout...
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Stop Right Fucking Now

What does your safe word say about you? A lot, apparently. A new survey (published by Bustle) from adult toy retailer Lovehoney asked 1,280 people about their go-to safe word. The results are in, and there’s a clear distinction between wanting to stop play and killing all traces of sexual desire. As to the latter,...
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Gangbangs for All!

Who knows what secrets lie in the hearts of women? Well, researchers at the University of Montreal apparently. Their study revealed a not-so-vanilla fantasy shared by many of the fairer sex. Published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine and reported by Allure, the research suggests that 28.3% of women have fantasized about having sex with...
humor

Space Dick?

There are some pretty big dicks in Australia—or rather, from Australia, cough, Mel Gibson, cough—but only one you can see from space. And it’s resting comfortably between Hugh Jackman’s legs, dressed slightly to the left. Kidding! What we’re talking about is actually more akin to a crop circle, except way more awesome. The phallus was...
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The Real Fake News: Dems Resist Trump With Biting Interpretive Dance

WASHINGTON, D.C.—It’s a Sunday evening, and the typically calm Capitol is a cacophony of music, choreographed movement and a simmering sense of hope. The junior senator from Illinois, Tammy Duckworth, is spinning haphazardly, flapping the wings of the bird she represents. “The bird is an eagle,” she says, “yearning to be free.” “When Nancy and...
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The Devirginizer

­Face it, sex isn’t a cakewalk for everyone. Disabilities, anxieties—everyone comes to bed with their own baggage, and the pressure can be debilitating. But why go it alone when professional help is available? Say hello to sex surrogacy, a therapeutic approach to squashing those pesky hang-ups once and for all. In an interview with HuffPost,...
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Jizz Facials

If you’re a fan of giving or receiving messy, sticky cum facials, then you’re gonna love what these two bloggers have to say about the health benefits of hot loads. Angela Nwosu, from Nigeria, shares sex tips on Facebook with her 50,000 followers. In a post she describes how she used sperm as a pimple...
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National Emergen-C

HUSTLER PARODY: This is not a real ad. No such product exists. It is a commentary on a President who, as Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer stated, has “just used the backdrop of the Oval Office to manufacture a crisis, stoke fear and divert attention from the turmoil in his administration.” This parody may be...
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Sasquatch Porn

­Has Bigfoot erotica finally cracked the mainstream? This very specific literary genre was at the center of a political firestorm in July as Leslie Cockburn, a Democratic candidate for Virginia’s 5th Congressional District, outed her Republican opponent, Denver Riggleman, for being a “a devotee of Bigfoot erotica.” (She also accused him of consorting with white...
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68 Is the New 69

Mutual oral pleasure is great and all, but is 69ing really the be-all and end-all of sexual positions? Sometimes it’s almost too much, you know? Too hard to focus, too many distractions. So maybe try the 68 on for size—you may fall in love with this slightly selfish yet devilishly delightful position. First, origins and...
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Houston, We Have a Fuck Doll

Pranks, shenanigans, monkeyshines—they are the lifeblood of local news and the bane of cops everywhere. So it was a mixed blessing for media and law enforcement this summer when two Canadian men were arrested for releasing a sex doll into Vancouver airspace. On July 3 the West Vancouver Police Department reported that two men were...
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Recycling Is Bad

You would assume that some things are so basic, so intuitive, so intrinsically linked to our very survival, they need not be explained: Don’t fight a bear, avoid drinking bleach, and never reuse a condom. Of course, some numbskull minority always has to ruin it for everyone else, and now the CDC is in the...

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