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February 2023

Kiara Cole
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Anal Is on the Menu

What a magical time to be into butt stuff! If you’re a guy who loves anal sex, then you’ll be heartened to know that more women than ever are taking it up the ass on a regular basis. A new survey by Bespoke Surgical reveals that one in four...

Waterbeds Turn 50

That’s right, swingers—the waterbed has been around for five whole decades, and according to its inventor, Charlie Hall, the time is nigh for a comeback. “My theory is, there’s a whole generation that was spawned on a...

Turning Tricks

Trends in film may come and go, but hookers are forever. Some miss the mark (Heather Graham, The Hangover), while others are pure exploitation (Angel, 1984), but recent offerings have injected new life and dimension to this oft-misrepresented...

On Bended Knees

Wedding photos: Is there anything worse? The forced romance, the manufactured moments…pass the gun. If only this worn-out medium had something less tired and predictable to offer, something to offset the mundane treacle of sunsets and longing...

Let Porn Be My Armor

Resolving neighborly tensions is no fun. Some people choose mediation, while others leave passive-aggressive letters in the mailbox. Then there’s Donald Gene Gaither of Oklahoma, whose epic rampage makes Michael Douglas’s turn in Falling Down...

Pan Pan, the Banging Panda

Unless you’ve been living under a rock in a cave on Mars, you’d know that March 16 is National Panda Day. And as you celebrate the majesty of nature’s bamboo-loving clowns, take a somber moment this year to remember an...

Is Your Sex Toy Secure?

Before you invest in that vibrating Bluetooth butt plug, a word of warning: Use password protection, and don’t choose an idiot configuration like 0000 or 1234. Because the future is now, and anyone can hack into anything. See where this...

7-Inches for Planned Parenthood

When evil forces collude to oppress the innocent and vulnerable, we must resist and push back. This can be in the form of protest, civil disobedience, boycott and, in extreme cases, vinyl. Politicians and lawmakers...

Celeb Fetish Files

Celebrities are people too. They laugh; they cry; they love and feel loss…and sometimes indulge in the sweet stank of a woman’s foot. U.K. heartthrob and all-around genius actor Idris Elba can speak to the latter, though perhaps not without...

The Real Fake News: EPA to Crack Down on Environment

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Amid concern surrounding his recent appointment of a smoldering raccoon carcass to the EPA’s Science Advisory Board, EPA head Scott Pruitt has doubled down on his controversial leadership,...

Stoners & Boners

If you worry that too much pot is hindering your sex life, fret no more, because science has stepped up with some sweet vindication to offset your chronic paranoia. “Doctor, is marijuana responsible for my lackluster sexual performance?” The...

Boob Goggles

Like flying cars or teleportation, virtual reality technology had yet to align with our expectations of life in 2018. But then a Swiss-based tech firm went and changed everything by developing the first ever boob goggles. According to The Mirror,...

The Real Fake News: Prayer Eliminates Gun Violence

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The obligatory outpouring of thoughts and prayers in the wake the largest mass-shooting in modern American history has achieved what many thought impossible: “Since the recent horrors we...

The Greatest Show On Earth

 Is there anything scarier than a clown? Pennywise, the shape-shifting nightmare monster from Stephen King’s It, is terror personified, but add kink to the mix and suddenly the big top becomes a completely different kind...

Blow, Baby, Blow

Hurricane relief just got a whole lot sexier. File under, “Only in Florida”: Hurricane victims left frustrated in the wake of Irma’s destruction were offered the sweet sexual relief they so desperately needed when FEMA “accidentally”...

The Titty Committee

Millennials, the most coveted marketing demographic on the block, are much maligned and oft misunderstood. What we do know is that they’re underemployed, overeducated and wizards at social media. And now another revelation: They’re just not that...

Man Down: Dick Drama

An erect penis can get into a lot of trouble under the wrong circumstances. No, you cannot break your dick, but there’s still a whole lot of horrible, cringe-worthy stuff that can happen to it with or without your help. A vacuum cleaner is not a...

Panties For Profit

A former cleaner from London, England, is raking in the pounds. What’s her secret? Good old-fashioned grit, know-how and a knack for turning dirty laundry into cash money. Financial domination is well-worn territory, but the woman who goes by...

Royals Talk Dirty

Princess Diana was a living saint adored by millions. Then she was assassinated as part of an Illuminati conspiracy to assure Charles’ ascension to the throne. Or not. We may never know for sure. Until then we’ll just have to be satisfied with...

The Real Fake News: Donald Trump Cancels 2020 Election

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In shocking early morning tweets yesterday, President Trump announced that he was canceling the 2020 elections because “No useful purpose is served by going ahead with them,...

Glitch Porn

Is it scrambled pay-per-view sex? Corrupt video? An acid flashback? Introducing glitch porn, a new lo-fi obsession in an HD world. Gritty, grainy and distorted, glitch porn borrows heavily from vaporwave, an internet art form that fetishizes late...

Long Live Sex!

Do you know what telomeres are? They are about to improve your sex life. If at times it seems like getting your lady into bed involves cajoling or bargaining or standing on your fucking head, then this news is for you. Turns out all you need is...

The Real Fake News: Benedict Arnold Is Innocent

“It was a 20-minute meeting mainly about adoptions and the weather. Nothing came of it.” —General Benedict Arnold WASHINGTON, D.C.—A “treasure trove” of new documents discovered in the National...

Dick-ometrics

You’ve heard of biometrics, but one live-cam site is taking identification protocols far beyond retinal scans, into extremely intimate territory. CamSoda requests that its subscribers log in with their dick pic. In an interview with CNET, the...