Florida, America’s sweaty ball sac (thank you, Patton Oswalt), earned its reputation as the most batshit crazy state in the union. And it continues to defend this dubious title, day after day, racking up insane headlines. There are columns and radio segments dedicated to the daily parade of depravity. In fact, stand-up comics would be waiting tables without it. As a reminder, here is a two-month snapshot of life in the land of eternal sunshine and crystal meth:
Those macadamia nuts can leave a mark. There’s nothing funny about domestic violence. Unless, of course, some burnout with facial tattoos goes to jail for hurling a cookie at his wife’s forehead—hard enough to leave a mark. In the words of Jeff Foxworthy, if the arrest report says, “The defendant admitted to throwing the cookie at the victim without her consent,” then you might be in Florida.