Bits & Pieces
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Chet was lying on the examination table…
Chet was lying on the examination table when the female doctor asked, “How’s your libido?” “My what?!” Chet exclaimed. “Libido,” the doc repeated. “Do you feel like having sex?” “Okay,” Chet replied, “but we’ll have to be quick. My wife is waiting in the car.”...
Fred and Mary got married, but they couldn’t afford a honeymoon.
Fred and Mary got married, but they couldn’t afford a honeymoon. So they spent their wedding night at Fred’s parents’ home. In the morning the groom’s kid brother Johnny was ready to head to school. Before leaving, he asked his mother if Fred and Mary were up yet. “No,” she replied. “Wanna know what I...
While dining at a ritzy restaurant, Rex noticed a gorgeous young…
While dining at a ritzy restaurant, Rex noticed a gorgeous young woman sitting alone at a nearby table. The dapper businessman summoned a waiter and asked him to send her an expensive bottle of merlot. As the waiter delivered the wine, he pointed to Rex and said, “This is a gift from one of our...
I brought my own book to swear to tell the truth…
“I brought my own book to swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth on.”...
If You Build It, They Will Come
PHOTO BY ANDREY KOBYLKO/ALAMY Science has come a long way in perfecting the condom. Once upon a time the prospect of wearing a rubber was akin to wrapping your cock in a garbage bag: safe, but often seemed like it was more trouble than it was worth. Now we have condoms in every possible color,...
Hidden Agenda
The vagina is a many splendored thing. A thing of beauty. A vessel for miracles. And sometimes just a vessel…like for smuggling. We take you now to Missouri, where one Amy Wilhite, 39, found herself in hot water when it was discovered, 17 days after the fact, that she had smuggled a revolver into Boone...
Porn Matters
Regular readers of Bits & Pieces will know how preoccupied we are with porn. Not just the consumption thereof, but the space that it occupies, in our homes, in our hearts—but mostly in our homes, because sooner or later, one way or the other, it’s gotta go. If you’re strictly a streamer, then great—your experience...
Send in the Clowns
Remember Pennywise from Stephen King’s It? Pure nightmare fuel, right? Clowns can be downright terrifying to some, but for others those chills are more akin to arousal than any sort of fear response. Yes, clown kink is very real, and we have the testimonials to prove it. In a recent column for Cosmo, writer and...
Swipe Right in COVID Fight
PHOTO BY DESIGN PICS INC/ALAMY He may be America’s slightly inappropriate grandpa, but you gotta love Joe Biden sometimes. Not only has dignity been restored to the Oval Office, but the country is well on its way to having a Hot Vax Summer as vaccination rates in the U.S. continue to climb. One of the...
Large and in Charge
The internet is super horny for Lady Dimitrescu. For the non-gamers in the room: Lady D—full name Alcina Dimitrescu—is a character from the 2021 survival horror blockbuster Resident Evil Village. She is a nine-foot-tall vampire mommy, which apparently is a very popular fetish. She was first revealed months ago in a trailer, and the internet...
Liv Wild
“One of my favorite things about this job is that I get to explore new settings and fuck cool people. Maybe the weirdest place I’ve ever done the deed was an abandoned senior home. The vibes were spooky and creepy. I’m pretty open-minded when it comes to sex, so who...
Tiffany Watson
“I was rebellious growing up. I mean, I embraced my inner bitch! I was a cheerleader, and I literally fucked everyone on the team and guys who lived close to me too. Even if those dudes had girlfriends. There was drama, but I still had good friends, so it was...
Shay Laren
Shay Laren burst onto the adult scene in 2006 and to this date remains one of the most gorgeous models this staff has ever seen. Shay’s claims to fame: Back in 2006 she was known as the original GIF girl, with visuals of Shay pulling on her jeans and bouncing...
Jello Biafra
“Just don’t be an asshole” Since crashing onto the music scene with Dead Kennedys, Jello Biafra has made punk and hardcore music smarter, run for public office and was even tried for obscenity. But that’s just scratching the surface. Biafra has lived a roller coaster of a life, one that has seen him become a...
Hotties’ Hobbies
We all know what XXX performers can do onscreen: anal acrobatics, tag-team blowjobs, sizzling scissoring… But what happens when the cameras stop rolling. How do adult performers unwind? What hobbies and skills help to keep them grounded, with such a chaotic and at times stressful job? HUSTLER hangs out with a few of our favorite...
Fat Mike’s Guide to Kinky Sex
“Fat Mike” Burkett is one of punk rock’s truest icons. He has not just survived, but consistently evolved and thrived with his band NOFX since their formation in 1983. With his label, Fat Wreck Chords, he’s mentored and supported both up-and-coming and established groups for 30 years. Fiercely independent, Fat Mike has lived his entire...
I just love what you’ve done with her…
“I just love what you’ve done with her…”...
Saturday Special: Awesome Aussies
G’day, mate! Today we’re heading to the Land Down Under for a wet, warm celebration of some of the sexiest sheilas to ever grace the pages of HUSTLER! Crikey, they’re hot! And if you’re still craving the wonders that Oz has to offer after this, make sure to check out our guide to Australia courtesy...
Alan felt sorry for the psychiatrist he saw performing at a county fair…
Alan felt sorry for the psychiatrist he saw performing at a county fair. The shrink hypnotized seven men, then dropped his mic and yelled, “Fuck me!” What ensued will haunt Alan and hundreds of fairgoers for the rest of their lives....
Oh, My Gush!
Tapping into the myths and realities of squirting. Trends in porn come and go, but the wave of smut that features squirting doesn’t show signs of rolling back anytime soon. Squirting is, however, a contentious issue. Some doubt its legitimacy, claiming that it’s simply rebranded watersports. In search of answers, we turned to some of...
You are the biggest, stupidest motherfucker on the face of the planet!
“You are the biggest, stupidest motherfucker on the face of the planet!”...
Asshole of the Month: Ron DeSantis
Leave it to Florida—home of the “Florida Man” meme and just about every freakish perversion known to humankind—to elect a governor truly representative of the state: the wild, woolly-brained wingnut Ron DeSantis. You would expect a man who graduated from both Yale and Harvard Law School to be more reasonable and better informed than the...
Fight for Your Rights!
Since Donald Trump lost the Presidential election—and America enjoyed its largest turnout of eligible voters in more than a century—Republicans have launched a nationwide campaign to suppress the vote. According to the Brennan Center for Justice, at least 389 new laws have been proposed in 48 states to limit mail-in voting, early in-person voting and...
