Bits & Pieces
Articles with unfiltered opinions
Latest Politics
In The Line Of Fire
Je suis HUSTLER. Despite being a longtime contributor to this magazine, I have been shocked by its raunchy and occasionally downright disgusting cartoons, some placed dangerously close to my own pristine words. But I had a change of heart in the aftermath of the massacre of those uncontrollably irreverent cartoonists who personified the French satirical...
Judge Dreadful
In June 2007, after sentencing Alabama’s former Governor Don Siegelman to more than seven years behind bars, U.S. District Court Judge Mark E. Fuller ordered the popular Democrat shackled and immediately shuffled off to a federal prison. The appeals process hadn’t even begun, much less ended. Siegelman received no personal enrichment for his supposed “crime,”...
Asshole of the Month: Rafael Cruz
This month’s asshole is the only thing on this planet that could make us feel sorry for Ted Cruz. Sure, a lot of people have fucked up dads. But the Tea Partying U.S. Senator from Texas was cursed with one so deeply twisted, it snuffed out his spirit to rebel much like an abortionist tearing...
Asshole of the Month: Tucker Carlson
Yes, this month’s millionaire turd manufacturer is so blandly semi-idiotic, we had to drink a crate of rubbing alcohol and smoke all granny’s meth before we could work up a rage. Nevertheless, we suspect an examination of this particular sphincter might offer a very valuable lesson, namely: How to become a common whore. Carlson is...
Banking On A Sure Thing
While 49 state treasuries were submerged in red ink after the 2008 financial crisis, one state’s bank outperformed all others. So reports The Wall Street Journal, discussing the Bank of North Dakota (BND) and its striking success in the midst of a national financial collapse led by the major banks. Chester Dawson begins his November...
Probing our Pervos
How did George W. Bush’s war on terror validate the depraved sadism authorized at the highest levels of his administration? That long-overlooked question was raised by the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence, which compiled (and controversially made public) an exhaustive report on the CIA’s post-9/11 torture program. The committee’s findings include sicko instances of rectal...
Affordable or Deplorable?
The Republican Party regained control of the U.S. Senate, but the Affordable Care Act—aka Obamacare—is here to stay. That’s because the GOP always dances to the tune played by big money. President Obama’s healthcare reform has turned out to be a great source of profit for the insurance companies. Soon after the 2014 midterm elections...
Dollar Democracy
The naked truth has been exposed, and it’s not a pretty picture! American Democracy has become Dollar Democracy. Many elected officials are bought by campaign contributions from superrich individuals and big corporations. During the 2012 election season, Presidential and Congressional candidates and their supporters raised and spent over $6.2 billion. The bulk came from the...
Asshole of the Month: Mia Love
If you want to make people think you’re not racist, sexist or anti-immigrant, jump into bed with a black, first-generation piece of ass. That’s what the Republican Party did. Of course, the fact that you’re banging a black chick will gradually wear off, and eventually you’ll have to stop talking and acting like a sexist,...
Asshole of the Month: Andrea Tantaros
This month’s assholette is only 35 years old, which is like puberty for the true shit heel. Assholes get more bitter and twisted over the years, eventually piling up more hemorrhoids of hate than any ointment could ever remedy. This Fox News floozy is well on her way to that fate. But since she’s only...
Marching Down Blunder Road
Was Saddam Hussein a danger because his arsenal included weapons of mass destruction? That was the pretext for the 2003 Iraq invasion, which left thousands of American soldiers dead or maimed while visiting death and destruction upon millions of Iraqi civilians. The region has been in turmoil ever since because the guys chosen by our...
Money For Main Street!
When Foreign Affairs, the mouthpiece of the policy-setting Council on Foreign Relations, runs an article recommending that the Federal Reserve do a money drop directly on the 99%, you know the central bank must be down to its last bullet. The publication’s September/October 2014 issue featured a startling proposal by Mark Blyth and Eric Lonergan...
Asshole of the Month: Brian Kilmeade
Well, isn’t this fucking typical? HUSTLER Magazine—aka Spread Vaginas Monthly—goes after some Fox News creep for being a sexist pig! Point taken. But unlike most of the world that hates this repugnant donkey dropping for his recent wife-beating joke, we’ve been detesting him for a long time and for a lot more than his casual...
2016: Crossroads for Democracy
The 2016 elections may well be the most important in our country’s history. They’ll determine if there’s still time for our individual liberties to be restored before future generations get so accustomed to their disappearance that they won’t miss them at all. It is therefore imperative that a Presidential candidate will assure us that he...
Historical Ignorance
Sometimes you just know that you are in the hands of fools. President Barack Obama almost made it to the end of his second term without repeating George W. Bush’s disastrous errors in redesigning the tortured religious, political and ethnic landscape of the Middle East. But then he dove, headfirst, into that sweltering quagmire—and I...
Asshole of the Month: Dinesh D’Souza
As the current issue went to press, this month’s shit stain was weeping tears of phony contrition in a pathetic attempt to stay out of jail for violating campaign finance laws. Just in case the federal judge wimps out and lets him brainwash kids as “community service” rather than serve the time he deserves, we...
Karl Rove’s FECA Matter
Enjoying all of those endless, anonymously paid for, bullshit political campaign ads this season? You can thank Karl Rove for them. He thinks they’re fucking hilarious. You are his chew toy while he’s taking a dump all over your “democracy.” You may have known that for a while, but did I mention it’s way worse...
Oil, The Almighty
In the spy trade they call it “blowback,” the unintended consequences when, for example, you rearrange the chairs in some other nation’s government, and hijacked airliners start smashing into your valued real estate. Or to get biblical and quote Job 4:8, “As I have observed, those who plow evil and those who sow trouble reap...
2014 Voter’s Guide
Goddamn, there sure are a lot of assholes trying to get elected these days! But the shit-fer-brains candidates already in office are even worse since they tend to be tougher to beat. Here’s our election-year manure pile of top 10 incumbent national threats you should NOT vote for on November 4th. That is, unless you...
How Far Does the 1st Amendment Go?
The rival newspapers were as opinionated as many New Yorkers and suburbanites. On May 17, 2014, the New York Post plastered its front page with “HEIL HAIL: City puts brakes on ‘Nazi’ cabby.” The Daily News came up with a similar pun: “Hail Hitler.” Provoking the furor was taxi driver Gabriel Diaz, 27, a self-described...
