Bits & Pieces
Articles with unfiltered opinions
Latest Politics
Asshole of the Month: Jeb Bush
After the embarrassing debacle of George W. Bush’s presidency, you’d think the Republican Party would be wary of offering up one of his siblings for another stint in the White House. But the Bush pedigree is ever popular in conservative circles, guaranteed to haul in record boatloads of campaign cash from the oligarchs who virtually...
Asshole of the Month: Tom Cotton
Tom Cotton, the freshman senator from Arkansas, has stormed Capitol Hill like a fire-breathing Godzilla, determined to demolish any moves toward diplomacy, peace and non violent resolution of world conflicts. The whole Neocon nutball chorus is swooning over him, having finally found somebody besides a craven chickenhawk to beat their war drums. After graduating from...
Mainstream Media Strikes It Rich
When the U.S. Supreme Court, in the now-infamous Citizens United case, ruled that corporations, associations and labor unions may spend as much as they’d like to influence (buy!) elections, it helped blow the wheels off of whatever was left of our democracy. CQ Roll Call’s Eliza Newlin Carney, one of the few journalists focusing on...
Useless Spying
They are such liars! Since September 2001 the government’s secrecy spooks have insisted that their indiscriminate monitoring of our phone calls, emails, financial transactions and reading habits is necessary to protect us from terrorists. But evidence is mounting that the NSA, CIA and FBI are full of it. There is not a single provable instance...
Asshole of the Century: George W. Bush
As democracy is perfected, the office of President represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron,” wrote H.L. Mencken, the Sage of...
What a Friggin’ Meese!
The 41st anniversary of HUSTLER as a controversial pornographic magazine is a fit occasion to evoke the memory of Edwin Meese III. As President Ronald Reagan’s attorney general, Meese failed spectacularly in his effort to shut down the publication and others like it. But that setback wouldn’t dampen his usefulness to reactionary causes. From the...
Asshole of the Century: George W. Bush
As democracy is perfected, the office of President represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron,” wrote H.L. Mencken, the Sage of...
Why Isn’t He In The Slammer?
No one is ever prosecuted for revealing secrets that make the government look good. The book is only thrown at whistleblowers, like Edward Snowden, who expose government officials for betraying the public trust. Unless sex is involved! Then, as former CIA Director David Petraeus learned, puritanism trumps even the claims of patriotism, and passing highly...
Indefensible Waste Of Money
In his January 17, 1961, farewell address, President Dwight D. Eisenhower warned that “in the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex” and “the disastrous rise of misplaced power.” Most American leaders have ignored his warning and have allowed the military-industrial juggernaut...
Asshole of the Month: James Inhofe
We ridicule Iran as a country dominated by backward-minded religious zealots, clinging to the ancient Quran as the supreme authority for governing life in the modern world. But those who live in glass greenhouses shouldn’t cast stones: America has its own tribe of embarrassing Bible-belt baboons making idiotic statements and self-destructive policies. Chief among them,...
Friend Or Foe?
What we don’t know about Saudi Arabia is killing us. That’s the insane subtext of the so-called War on Terror, a decades-long travesty during which six U.S. presidents have been hustled by the religious fanatics of a brutal theocracy. Saudis are the sworn enemies of all our basic democratic values; yet we have embraced them...
Tortured Accountability
Now that Republicans control both chambers of Congress, you’ll hear more and more talk about “accountability” for a “lawless President.” Don’t worry. They’re totally kidding. Sure, they’ll put on show trials (otherwise known as oversight hearings) pretending to get to the bottom of phony “scandals” they claim to be “serious violations of the law and...
Asshole of the Month: Louie Gohmert
If you think George W. Bush is the most backward buffoon ever to come out of Texas, think again. Dubya’s reign may soon be upstaged by another inbred spawn of the Loon Star state— Republican Representative Louie Gohmert. A blunt-speaking darling of the Tea Party crowd, Gohmert’s reactionary philosophy is summed up in this statement:...
In The Line Of Fire
Je suis HUSTLER. Despite being a longtime contributor to this magazine, I have been shocked by its raunchy and occasionally downright disgusting cartoons, some placed dangerously close to my own pristine words. But I had a change of heart in the aftermath of the massacre of those uncontrollably irreverent cartoonists who personified the French satirical...
Judge Dreadful
In June 2007, after sentencing Alabama’s former Governor Don Siegelman to more than seven years behind bars, U.S. District Court Judge Mark E. Fuller ordered the popular Democrat shackled and immediately shuffled off to a federal prison. The appeals process hadn’t even begun, much less ended. Siegelman received no personal enrichment for his supposed “crime,”...
Asshole of the Month: Rafael Cruz
This month’s asshole is the only thing on this planet that could make us feel sorry for Ted Cruz. Sure, a lot of people have fucked up dads. But the Tea Partying U.S. Senator from Texas was cursed with one so deeply twisted, it snuffed out his spirit to rebel much like an abortionist tearing...
Asshole of the Month: Tucker Carlson
Yes, this month’s millionaire turd manufacturer is so blandly semi-idiotic, we had to drink a crate of rubbing alcohol and smoke all granny’s meth before we could work up a rage. Nevertheless, we suspect an examination of this particular sphincter might offer a very valuable lesson, namely: How to become a common whore. Carlson is...
Banking On A Sure Thing
While 49 state treasuries were submerged in red ink after the 2008 financial crisis, one state’s bank outperformed all others. So reports The Wall Street Journal, discussing the Bank of North Dakota (BND) and its striking success in the midst of a national financial collapse led by the major banks. Chester Dawson begins his November...
Probing our Pervos
How did George W. Bush’s war on terror validate the depraved sadism authorized at the highest levels of his administration? That long-overlooked question was raised by the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence, which compiled (and controversially made public) an exhaustive report on the CIA’s post-9/11 torture program. The committee’s findings include sicko instances of rectal...
Affordable or Deplorable?
The Republican Party regained control of the U.S. Senate, but the Affordable Care Act—aka Obamacare—is here to stay. That’s because the GOP always dances to the tune played by big money. President Obama’s healthcare reform has turned out to be a great source of profit for the insurance companies. Soon after the 2014 midterm elections...
