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February 2023

Kiara Cole
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Be All You Can Be

Guess what, world? We’re not a bunch of babies who can’t handle it if the soldiers serving in our military don’t all present as John Wayne. The Pentagon recently announced that transgender troops on active duty may qualify for sex-reassignment...

Doll Ball

Maybe he couldn’t face another holiday alone. Perhaps she reminded him of the one who got away. Something inspired 55-year-old Christopher Wade to abduct a curvy brunette mannequin from a HUSTLER Hollywood store in Nashville, Tennessee, in the wee...

Vagina Demagogue

Our apologies—we really can’t wait to stop talking about Trump. But Gabriella Paiella’s piece for New York magazine, “Why Are Trump’s Hands Always Making the Symbol for ‘Vagina,’” posed a question too good to pass on. The piece was...

Olympic Glory

“Am I the only person who thinks the Walk of Nations, from above, looks like a giant vagina? #OpeningCeremony #Rio2016,” tweeted @JasonKorolenko. No, Jason, you were not. Sure, Olympic media coverage of female athletes was embarrassingly shitty...

Tell Us Something We Don’t Know

Having little else to do, journalists across the nation recently reported on a paper published by New York University researchers with this catchy title: “A Qualitative Investigation Comparing Psychosocial and...

Fully Erect

Identical naked Donald Trump statues were recently erected in cities across the United States, shocking and thrilling crowds in Seattle, New York, Cleveland, San Francisco and the City of Angels. Commissioned by the anarchist collective INDECLINE...

Drunk & Disorderly

It’s understandable that macho, dumb shits would find a job with the United States Secret Service (USSS) appealing: You get to carry a gun and wear sunglasses and a wire and shit. You’d think the elite law enforcement agency, under the auspices...

Holy Fuck, It’s Christmas!

 This just in: There is joy on earth. It’s on us to spread it around, and this time of year that means gifts. Sometimes it gets hard to figure out what goodies Old Saint Fatty should include in his sack of shit. So whether...

Rubber Rubbish

So long, jizz facials. If Proposition 60, a ballot measure going before Californians on November 8th, is voted in, your favorite cum queens will have to wear goggles, nose plugs and surgical masks if they don’t want to be exposed to lawsuits. The...

“Sorry I’m a Cunt!”

Dani Mathers don’t need no stinking publicist to go from low-ranking media celebrity (56th Playmate of the Year and a recurring role as “waitress” on The Bold and the Beautiful) to high-ranking internet hatebait. The surgically enhanced model...

Devil in Disguise

“Are we going to dress up?” asks one Satanic Temple member with the earnest enthusiasm of a Boy Scout marching in his first parade. It’s June 6, 2016—not quite 6.6.6, but close enough. The Los Angeles Chapter of the Satanic Temple is meeting...

Publicity! Stupidity!

“Free” porn hub xHamster doesn’t pay for content, but it sure spends on public relations. So far this year xHamster’s gotten widespread media coverage for: 1) announcing it was blocking all IP addresses from North Carolina until...

Less Gas, More Ass

About 450 streakers rode 18 miles through Los Angeles to support World Naked Bike Ride (WNBR), a global grassroots movement held every June in cities around the world to raise awareness about traffic pollution and oil dependency. The Los Angeles...

Cinderella Story

Temperatures in Phoenix, Arizona, hit record highs this summer, but extreme heat did not deter locals from celebrating HUSTLER Hollywood’s grand opening. Beautiful women arrived wearing their hottest lingerie to compete in the Honey Search, but...

Seeds of Sleaze

You know how, when you lose a job, spouse or appendage, well-intentioned people will say that one day, you’ll realize it was the best thing that ever happened to you? Fuck those people. Rick Friday, a fourth-generation farmer and editorial...

“Believe me.”

...

Nancy Reagan: An Oral History

Ronald Reagan called her “Mommy.” White House staffers referred to her as “Mrs. President.” Rat Pack actor Peter Lawford considered her Hollywood’s greatest cocksucker. Those are some of the nicer things people called...

Pussy Power

Monster tentacle rape? Fine. Schoolgirls molested on public transportation? Love it. Women’s faces covered in gobs of random dude semen? Bring it on! But data that could be used to generate a “manko” model? Punishable by law. “Japan’s view...

Club Girl: Sonya Jade

Just 4-11 and weighing under 100 pounds, this 35-year-old Las Vegas native may be petite, but she knows how to throw her weight around, both in the kitchen and on the stripper pole. Before manning the stoves full-time at Larry Flynt’s...

If Trump, Then Canada

Commentator Pat Buchanan (yes, he lives—if you consider writing political screed about how unfair life is for rich white bastards like him, living) may call Donald Trump “The Great White Hope,” but for thousands of U.S. citizens,...

She’ll Take Incredibly Awkward for $200

Jeopardy! has televised its share of uncomfortable moments over its 32- year run, but the game show sunk to new depths when host Trebek turned to journalist/celebrity contestant Lara Logan and said, “Lara Logan, a few...

Utah’s Nitty Gritty Titty Committee

Hang on to your magic underwear, people of Utah. Your state government has officially declared pornography a “public health hazard.” State Senator Todd Weiler sponsored the resolution, telling the Salt Lake Tribune,...

Detachable Penis

Vandals of Arcachon, a small seaside resort in France, have cut off Heracles’ dick for the last time. Erected in 1948 to honor local heroes of the French Resistance, the ten-foot marble man has been a perpetual victim of genital mutilation, with...

Blond Ambition

Bakersfield, California. Home to those who struck it rich in the oil business, Basque immigrants and descendants of poor Oklahoman farmers who migrated during the Dust Bowl. More West Texas than West Coast. Famous for independent thinkers....