“Then it’s agreed…to life, liberty and the pursuit of fresh pussy!”
“Then it’s agreed…to life, liberty and the pursuit of fresh pussy!”...
Bits & Pieces
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“Now that the 2016 Presidential election is over, what incredibly flawed, stupid, motherfucking dipshit candidate are you gonna vote for in 2020?”
“Now that the 2016 Presidential election is over, what incredibly flawed, stupid, motherfucking dipshit candidate are you gonna vote for in 2020?”...
Black lies matter.
Black lies matter....
“Hey, Father, how is the Word of God like a stiff dick? Both are forced down your throat by priests!”
“Hey, Father, how is the Word of God like a stiff dick? Both are forced down your throat by priests!”...
“I’d like to take a moment to thank Wayne LaPierre and the NRA for making it possible for a guy like me to exercise my Second Amendment rights by purchasing a gun and murdering cops in cold blood. Thanks, guys!”
“I’d like to take a moment to thank Wayne LaPierre and the NRA for making it possible for a guy like me to exercise my Second Amendment rights by purchasing a gun and murdering cops in cold blood. Thanks, guys!”...
“The gorilla?! Shit, I thought you wanted me to shoot the kid!”
“The gorilla?! Shit, I thought you wanted me to shoot the kid!”...
“I’m sorry, Ann Coulter can’t come to the door right now. She’s busy squeezing out another book.”
“I’m sorry, Ann Coulter can’t come to the door right now. She’s busy squeezing out another book.”...
The Smartest Man on the Plane
When a small airplane got into trouble, the pilot bailed, leaving a lawyer, a priest and a young girl, but only two parachutes. The lawyer insisted that he was the smartest man on the plane and deserved to survive. So he grabbed a chute and jumped. The priest looked at the girl and, reflecting back...
Brick vs. Fat Girl
Question: What do a brick and a fat girl have in common? Answer: Eventually they both get laid by a Mexican....
Didn’t Like It
Joe was standing in a bar when a big man walked up to him and asked, “Is your name Joseph Smith?” “Yes.” “Were you in Chicago last month?” “Just a minute,” said Joe. He took out his cell phone and scrolled through his calendar. “Yeah, I was in Chicago a few weeks ago.” “Did you...
The Lottery
“What would you do if I won the lottery,” a woman asked her husband. “Take half and leave your fat ass.” “Great,” replied his smiling wife. “I won 12 bucks. Here’s six. Now get out!”...
Social Science
Two diplomats were stopped by a social scientist, who asked them to participate in a survey on sexual customs. “You open the door and find a beautiful naked woman. Where would you kiss her?” asked the scientist. “On the cheek,” answered the British diplomat. “She steps into the room and closes the door. Where would...
Town Drunk
Mary the town drunk stumbled onto a baptismal service by the river. The minister called her over. “Miss Mary, are you ready to find Jesus?” “You bet,” she slurred. He pushed her under the water. “Praise the Lord,” he shouted as he pulled her up. “Have you found Jesus?” “No, I sure didn’t,” Mary said,...
Fucking & Football
The word prostitution just doesn’t pack the moral outrage that it used to. So if you’re looking to upset people, try the phrase “sex trafficking.” Along with all the other dubious traditions that go along with Super Bowl Sunday, media annually warn of a huge surge in “sex trafficking” wherever the Super Bowl is being...
The Orgasm Lady
Firliana Purwanti, who also goes by The Orgasm Lady, has worked hard over the past several years, empowering Indonesian women to embrace their sexuality. What’s the big deal? “Womyn” have been celebrating themselves and their goddamn orgasms for decades. Even waspy Gwyneth Paltrow gushes publically about the power of her $15,000 vibrators, herbal pussy steams...
Cornography
Rabbi Shmuley Boteach and Pamela Botox Anderson (collectively, from here on out, Teach ’n’ Tox) recently coauthored an editorial for Murdoch’s Wall Street Journal about the “dangers of pornography.” Where these two moral and intellectual vacuums found the time to pen this garbage between celebrity roasts and paid appearances at award galas—and why the WSJ...
Love Italian-Style
Grazie to Italy’s Supreme Court, which recently ruled that public masturbation is not a crime, so long as it’s not in the presence of minors. The ruling overturned a conviction by a lower court of a 69-year-old man identified as “Pietro L,” who had been sentenced to three months in prison and fined $3,600 after...
Be All You Can Be
Guess what, world? We’re not a bunch of babies who can’t handle it if the soldiers serving in our military don’t all present as John Wayne. The Pentagon recently announced that transgender troops on active duty may qualify for sex-reassignment surgery if their physicians deem it necessary, clarifying a policy decision made by the U.S....
Doll Ball
Maybe he couldn’t face another holiday alone. Perhaps she reminded him of the one who got away. Something inspired 55-year-old Christopher Wade to abduct a curvy brunette mannequin from a HUSTLER Hollywood store in Nashville, Tennessee, in the wee hours of July 4th. The two employees working that night had never seen him before, although...
“Will the real Ann Coulter please stand up?”
“Will the real Ann Coulter please stand up?”...
“No, Charlene…I still love to be dominated and abused, but we’re through. I’ve simply joined the Republican Party.”
“No, Charlene…I still love to be dominated and abused, but we’re through. I’ve simply joined the Republican Party.”...
“How can we trust the accuracy of information delivered with such primitive technology?!”
“How can we trust the accuracy of information delivered with such primitive technology?!”...
“I must be honest with you, Cathy. I’ve been married before, when I still lived in India. But my wife was sexually assaulted, so of course we had to stone her to death!”
“I must be honest with you, Cathy. I’ve been married before, when I still lived in India. But my wife was sexually assaulted, so of course we had to stone her to death!”...
What the fuck went on at Fox?
What the fuck went on at Fox?...
