“It’s new—it’s called the Hate Channel.”
“It’s new—it’s called the Hate Channel.”...
Bits & Pieces
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“They say you were a real champ in that delivery room today, babe! So…you fixin’ supper tonight or what?!”
“They say you were a real champ in that delivery room today, babe! So…you fixin’ supper tonight or what?!”...
“I’m concerned, gentlemen! Sure, we’ve subdued unions, bought politicians, kept wages ridiculously low and reduced benefits—but I still believe we can do more to destroy America!”
“I’m concerned, gentlemen! Sure, we’ve subdued unions, bought politicians, kept wages ridiculously low and reduced benefits—but I still believe we can do more to destroy America!”...
“Dear Brenda, thank you for answering my ad at MatureSingles.com. As to your questions—I have a permanent job managing a license plate manufacturing shop, and I live in a gated community in sunny California!”
“Dear Brenda, thank you for answering my ad at MatureSingles.com. As to your questions—I have a permanent job managing a license plate manufacturing shop, and I live in a gated community in sunny California!”...
“Everything’s cool! In my heart I’m a chick!”
“Everything’s cool! In my heart I’m a chick!”...
You’ve Got Mail
John was mowing his yard when his attractive blond neighbor walked out of her house and over to the mailbox. She opened it, peered in, slammed it shut and stormed back home. Five minutes later the woman came back out and repeated the entire scenario. As John prepared to trim his hedges, the blonde again...
When They Fart
Question: Why do men tend to laugh when they fart? Answer: It tickles their brain on the way out....
Little Old Lady
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day and was greeted by a young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. “Good morning,” said the eager salesman. “If I could have a few minutes of your time, I’d like to demonstrate the latest in high-powered vacuums.” “Beat it,” said the woman. “I don’t...
Too Sheer
Bill went to an expensive lingerie boutique to buy a negligee for his girlfriend. He was shown several and opted for the most expensive, a pink little number that set him back $500. When he got home, he asked his wom an to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him. This is...
It’s Amazing
“It’s amazing,” said the blonde, looking up from her newspaper. “The Lord gets it right every time.” “How’s that?” asked her husband. “Folks always die in alphabetical order.”...
Being Amish
An Amish husband, wife and son visited a mall for the first time. While the mother shopped, father and son stood mystified in front of an elevator. An elderly lady entered the strange, silvery closet. They watched in awe as the doors slid shut behind her and the numbers above moved up and back down....
What Has Four Legs And…
Question: What has four legs and one arm? Answer: A pit bull at recess....
Vagina Demagogue
Our apologies—we really can’t wait to stop talking about Trump. But Gabriella Paiella’s piece for New York magazine, “Why Are Trump’s Hands Always Making the Symbol for ‘Vagina,’” posed a question too good to pass on. The piece was accompanied by 20 or so photo illustrations of Trump over the years, in a variety of...
Olympic Glory
“Am I the only person who thinks the Walk of Nations, from above, looks like a giant vagina? #OpeningCeremony #Rio2016,” tweeted @JasonKorolenko. No, Jason, you were not. Sure, Olympic media coverage of female athletes was embarrassingly shitty (e.g., a British reporter congratulated Andy Murray for being “the first person ever to win two Olympic tennis...
Tell Us Something We Don’t Know
Having little else to do, journalists across the nation recently reported on a paper published by New York University researchers with this catchy title: “A Qualitative Investigation Comparing Psychosocial and Physical Sexual Experiences Related to Alcohol and Marijuana Use Among Adults.” Translation? Some academics interviewed 24 adults who said they toked up before sex and...
Fully Erect
Identical naked Donald Trump statues were recently erected in cities across the United States, shocking and thrilling crowds in Seattle, New York, Cleveland, San Francisco and the City of Angels. Commissioned by the anarchist collective INDECLINE and created by Ginger, a Las Vegas artist, the statues featured a thick clump of orange pubes; mottled, veiny...
Drunk & Disorderly
It’s understandable that macho, dumb shits would find a job with the United States Secret Service (USSS) appealing: You get to carry a gun and wear sunglasses and a wire and shit. You’d think the elite law enforcement agency, under the auspices of the U.S. Department of Homeland Security since 2003, would weed out renegade...
“Shit, Donny! Don’t pull out my anal beads like you’re trying to start the goddamn lawn mower!”
“Shit, Donny! Don’t pull out my anal beads like you’re trying to start the goddamn lawn mower!”...
“Son, if you give a man a gun, he can rob a bank! But if you give a man a bank, he can rob an entire country!”
“Son, if you give a man a gun, he can rob a bank! But if you give a man a bank, he can rob an entire country!”...
“I don’t know about you, Sammy, but whenever I see two heterosexuals carrying on like that in public, I wanna throw up!”
“I don’t know about you, Sammy, but whenever I see two heterosexuals carrying on like that in public, I wanna throw up!”...
“Hi, I’m just in the neighborhood, spreading the good word about pussy.”
“Hi, I’m just in the neighborhood, spreading the good word about pussy.”...
