Bits & Pieces
Articles with unfiltered opinions
Search
“A blowjob when you’re sick is like chicken soup. It doesn’t help, but it couldn’t hurt.”
“A blowjob when you’re sick is like chicken soup. It doesn’t help, but it couldn’t hurt.”...
“Of course the water is okay for YOU to drink! You’re black, poor and probably won’t vote Republican.”
“Of course the water is okay for YOU to drink! You’re black, poor and probably won’t vote Republican.”...
“I’m going to put a fence around our property, and I’m going to have those Mexicans next door pay for it!”
“I’m going to put a fence around our property, and I’m going to have those Mexicans next door pay for it!”...
“Yeah, America is an equal opportunity country, son. Black, white, Spanish, Asian…we all get fucked by the Republicans.”
“Yeah, America is an equal opportunity country, son. Black, white, Spanish, Asian…we all get fucked by the Republicans.”...
“The front door was open. Do you have a moment to talk about Jesus Christ?”
“The front door was open. Do you have a moment to talk about Jesus Christ?”...
“I’m back from the store, Todd! You better not be watchin’ that NAILIN’ PALIN shit again!”
“I’m back from the store, Todd! You better not be watchin’ that NAILIN’ PALIN shit again!”...
“I believe our committee has discovered why you were using a private email server, Mrs. Clinton.”
“I believe our committee has discovered why you were using a private email server, Mrs. Clinton.”...
“This is our most popular model among husbands who just can’t take the ol’ lady for one more fucking day!”
“This is our most popular model among husbands who just can’t take the ol’ lady for one more fucking day!”...
“If we humans are the highest species, then how come dogs can pinch off a perfect turd and never have to wipe?”
“If we humans are the highest species, then how come dogs can pinch off a perfect turd and never have to wipe?”...
“Fox News. We know that we’re full of shit. How come YOU don’t?!”
“Fox News. We know that we’re full of shit. How come YOU don’t?!”...
“Whoa!—wait a minute! In the bar, when you said that you loved anal, I naturally thought…”
“Whoa!—wait a minute! In the bar, when you said that you loved anal, I naturally thought…”...
“You want MORE money?! What the fuck did you do with all the damn money I gave you last year?”
“You want MORE money?! What the fuck did you do with all the damn money I gave you last year?”...
“Why can’t you just moan in ecstasy when you come like everyone else?!”
“Why can’t you just moan in ecstasy when you come like everyone else?!”...
“Thanks! This is fantastic! You are a great speech writer!”
“Thanks! This is fantastic! You are a great speech writer!”...
“Mister, there is a good chance you won’t live through this, so where do you want me to send your clothes?”
“Mister, there is a good chance you won’t live through this, so where do you want me to send your clothes?”...
“You’ll never be able to achieve inner peace, Donald. You’re a fucking Republican!”
“You’ll never be able to achieve inner peace, Donald. You’re a fucking Republican!”...
Sitting in My Seat
George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton and Hillary Rodham Clinton were on a plane together when it began to go down. The plane crashed, and the victims found themselves at the gates of Heaven. “Who are you?” boomed God to George Bush Senior. “I’m George Bush. I used to be President of the United States.” “Good,...
George W. Bush on Roe v. Wade
Question: What was President George W. Bush’s position on Roe v. Wade? Answer: He didn’t care how the people got out of New Orleans....
The Worst Part
A man finally decided to have a sex-change operation. Months later she was greeted by two of her friends. Both men congratulated her on her appearance and began questioning her about the most painful aspect of the grueling operation. “Lopping off your dick must have been the worst part,” one said, wincing. “Um,” she pondered,...
There Is a God, And…
God became so fed up with the state of international affairs that He decided to destroy the world. So He gathered George Bush, Mikhail Gorbachev and Yitzhak Shamir and commanded each of them to tell their people in their own way. President Bush went on prime-time TV. “My fellow Americans, I have good news and...
Mitt Romney
As a Mormon running for President of the United States, Republican candidate Mitt Romney decided to give a speech to allay fears that his religious beliefs would influence his decision-making as President. “I believe in my Mormon faith,” Romney began, “and endeavor to live by it. My faith is the faith of my father and...
John Wayne Bobbit
Question: What’s worse than being married to John Wayne Bobbitt? Answer: Being divorced from O.J. “The Juice” Simpson....
Jigsaw Puzzle
Vice President Dan Quayle excitedly told his wife, “Can you believe this, dear? I finished this jigsaw puzzle in only four months!” “Is that some kind of record, honey?” Marilyn asked. “It must be,” said the Vice President. “It says three to five years on the box.”...
