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humor

Great White Shark

A great white shark was teaching his son how to hunt for humans: “First, raise your dorsal fin out of the water and start circling. Then close in and eat him.” “Why waste time circling them?” asked his son. The wise, elder shark replied, “They taste way better without their shit inside.” ...
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For Hillary

Bill Clinton stepped off a private plane carrying a small dog. “Great dog, sir,” said his secret service agent appreciatively. “Thanks. I got it for Hillary,” Bill replied. “Good trade, sir.” ...
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So Damn Stupid

Question: Why did God make women so damn stupid? Answer: So they’d like men. ...
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Bagpipers

Question: Why do bagpipers always walk while they play? Answer: To get away from the noise.  ...
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Utah’s Nitty Gritty Titty Committee

Hang on to your magic underwear, people of Utah. Your state government has officially declared pornography a “public health hazard.” State Senator Todd Weiler sponsored the resolution, telling the Salt Lake Tribune, “Seventy years ago people said tobacco’s not addictive and it’s not harmful. That’s what some people are saying about pornography today.” Signed by...
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Detachable Penis

Vandals of Arcachon, a small seaside resort in France, have cut off Heracles’ dick for the last time. Erected in 1948 to honor local heroes of the French Resistance, the ten-foot marble man has been a perpetual victim of genital mutilation, with his prick hacked off several times over the years. Frankly, with a reputation...
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Blond Ambition

Bakersfield, California. Home to those who struck it rich in the oil business, Basque immigrants and descendants of poor Oklahoman farmers who migrated during the Dust Bowl. More West Texas than West Coast. Famous for independent thinkers. Conservative, but with a far-ranging wild streak. In other words, a great location for HUSTLER Hollywood. “We’re delighted...
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Ted’s XXX Adventure

Looking to get off and vomit simultaneously? XHamster has procured porn featuring Ted Cruz doppelganger Searcy Hayes, a 21-year-old from Natchez, Mississippi, discovered on the Maury Show. “She’s no stranger to heartache and pain,” talk show host Maury Povich explained by way of introducing the woman who’d had five miscarriages with fiancé Freddie Green before...
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A Royal Proclamation

This hilarious Queen Elizabeth II gif has been floating around the Internet for months. Seems Her Majesty recently turned 90 and decided she’s finally old enough to tell the world exactly what she thinks of her pet peeves, like babies at dinner, three-piece suits, the word pregnant, men in shorts, fake bow ties and that...
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A Romantic Woman

Lisa, a romantic woman, sent her husband a text: “If you’re sleeping, send me your dreams. If you’re laughing, send me your smile. If you’re eating, send me a bite. If you’re crying, send me your tears. I love you!” The husband replied, “I’m on the toilet. Please advise.”...
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The Ugliest Woman

Following a long night of heavy drinking, Bubba woke up to find possibly the ugliest woman he’d ever seen sleeping beside him. Aghast, he slipped his arm out from under her, got up and dressed as fast and as quietly as he could. Stopping only to leave a $50 bill on the bureau, he began...

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