Bits & Pieces

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Blond Ambition

Bakersfield, California. Home to those who struck it rich in the oil business, Basque immigrants and descendants of poor Oklahoman farmers who migrated during the Dust Bowl. More West Texas than West Coast. Famous for independent thinkers. Conservative, but with a far-ranging wild streak. In other words, a great location for HUSTLER Hollywood. “We’re delighted...

Ted’s XXX Adventure

Looking to get off and vomit simultaneously? XHamster has procured porn featuring Ted Cruz doppelganger Searcy Hayes, a 21-year-old from Natchez, Mississippi, discovered on the Maury Show. “She’s no stranger to heartache and pain,” talk show host Maury Povich explained by way of introducing the woman who’d had five miscarriages with fiancé Freddie Green before...

A Royal Proclamation

This hilarious Queen Elizabeth II gif has been floating around the Internet for months. Seems Her Majesty recently turned 90 and decided she’s finally old enough to tell the world exactly what she thinks of her pet peeves, like babies at dinner, three-piece suits, the word pregnant, men in shorts, fake bow ties and that...

A Romantic Woman

Lisa, a romantic woman, sent her husband a text: “If you’re sleeping, send me your dreams. If you’re laughing, send me your smile. If you’re eating, send me a bite. If you’re crying, send me your tears. I love you!” The husband replied, “I’m on the toilet. Please advise.”...

The Ugliest Woman

Following a long night of heavy drinking, Bubba woke up to find possibly the ugliest woman he’d ever seen sleeping beside him. Aghast, he slipped his arm out from under her, got up and dressed as fast and as quietly as he could. Stopping only to leave a $50 bill on the bureau, he began...

Heaven

Question: Why are only 30% of women admitted into heaven? Answer: Any more and it’d be pure hell....

Tim the Midget

Tim, a midget from Texas, had a constant pain in his groin area, so finally he went to see a doctor. The sympathetic doctor agreed to take a look. He asked the little dude to drop his pants, hop up on the examination table and stand tall. Then he put one finger under the midget’s...

What’s the Difference…?

Question: What’s the difference between Trump’s hair and a wet raccoon? Answer: A wet raccoon has a soul, a brain and isn’t a racist, sexist pig....

The Priest and the Rabbi

A priest and a rabbi were hearing confessions together. They listened to three women confess to committing adultery three times. The priest told each woman to say ten Hail Marys and to put $10 in the collection plate. Then the rabbi took over so the priest could use the restroom. A Catholic woman came in...

Nancy Reagan: An Oral History

Ronald Reagan called her “Mommy.” White House staffers referred to her as “Mrs. President.” Rat Pack actor Peter Lawford considered her Hollywood’s greatest cocksucker. Those are some of the nicer things people called Former First Lady Nancy Reagan, who died this year at 94. Google “Nancy Reagan Bitch” and the sea of nearly half a...

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