Bits & Pieces

Articles with unfiltered opinions

Cartoons

Illustrated monthly funnies

Jokes

Dirty jokes for your dirty mind

Parodies

Unapologetic political satire

close slideout
Latest HUSTLER Magazine cover issue
Magazine new arrow

November 2025

Join HUSTLER Magazine trial promo image

Intro Offer:
3 days for only $0.99!

Search

Government Boobs

Is there a sale on intolerant boobs in New Hampshire? State Senator Nancy Stiles (Republican, natch!) was mortified when 54-year-old Heidi Lilley and 23-year-old Kia Sinclair went topless at Hampton Beach last year in support of #FreeTheNipple, a nationwide campaign intended to promote gender equality. “I think there is a time and a place for...

Hookers for Hillary

Brothel owner (and author! and reality TV star!) Dennis “My business is built on privacy and discretion” Hof likes attention, so his Hookers for Hillary campaign might seem like nothing more than a publicity grab for his Moonlite BunnyRanch. Still, you’d be hard-pressed to find a more sincere Hillary Clinton for President supporter than sex...

Caligula Dot Com

The party is winding down at Zenefits, a human-resources tech startup once valued at $4.5 billion. Its CEO Parker Conrad resigned after concerns about the company’s failure to meet legal compliances and its party-down office culture. Translation: Eight times out of ten, Zenefits employees didn’t possess required state licenses to sell insurance, but that didn’t...

Porn Is Good for You

Ever since serial killer/knob Ted Bundy blamed hardcore pornography for fueling his horrendous crimes, many a misguided soul has taken it for granted that porn consumption leads to the objectification and devaluation of women. But according to a recent study published in The Journal of Sex Research, people who look at porn actually have healthier,...

Trump’s Teenie Weenie

You know things are going badly for the GOP when even a Fox News focus group spits out words like “shameful,” “disappointing,” “despicable” and “disgusting” to describe the debate performance of Republican Presidential candidates. Asked to raise their hands if they thought the March 3rd debate helped their party, the entire all-white panel sat grimly,...

Carmen Electrifies

Here at HUSTLER, we dig into shit, in this case Kocktails With Khloé, so you don’t have to. We’re not sure who’s responsible for greenlighting this, the latest spelling-challenged, televised turd to fall out of the Kardashian empire, but we hope that person lives with crippling guilt for the rest of his or her life....

Not My Type

John approached a woman in a nightclub and said, “Would you like to dance?” “No, thanks,” the woman replied. “I don’t like this song. And even if I did, I still wouldn’t dance with you. I don’t mean to be rude, but you really aren’t my type.” “Huh?” John cleared his throat. “I think you...

Much Prettier

A married couple was at a restaurant when a beautiful woman walked up to their table, leaned over and warmly kissed the husband. “Who was that?” the wife demanded angrily as the woman sauntered off. “That was my mistress,” her husband admitted candidly. “Your mistress? I want a divorce!” “Do you really want to give...

Little Billy

Little Billy walked into a pharmacy and asked the lady behind the counter for a box of tampons. “Did your mom tell you what kind of tampons she wants?” the clerk asked. Billy shook his head. “They aren’t for my mother.” “Your sister?” “Nope. They’re for me,” he replied, smiling proudly. “Why on earth do...

Great White Shark

A great white shark was teaching his son how to hunt for humans: “First, raise your dorsal fin out of the water and start circling. Then close in and eat him.” “Why waste time circling them?” asked his son. The wise, elder shark replied, “They taste way better without their shit inside.” ...

For Hillary

Bill Clinton stepped off a private plane carrying a small dog. “Great dog, sir,” said his secret service agent appreciatively. “Thanks. I got it for Hillary,” Bill replied. “Good trade, sir.” ...

So Damn Stupid

Question: Why did God make women so damn stupid? Answer: So they’d like men. ...

Bagpipers

Question: Why do bagpipers always walk while they play? Answer: To get away from the noise.  ...

Utah’s Nitty Gritty Titty Committee

Hang on to your magic underwear, people of Utah. Your state government has officially declared pornography a “public health hazard.” State Senator Todd Weiler sponsored the resolution, telling the Salt Lake Tribune, “Seventy years ago people said tobacco’s not addictive and it’s not harmful. That’s what some people are saying about pornography today.” Signed by...

Detachable Penis

Vandals of Arcachon, a small seaside resort in France, have cut off Heracles’ dick for the last time. Erected in 1948 to honor local heroes of the French Resistance, the ten-foot marble man has been a perpetual victim of genital mutilation, with his prick hacked off several times over the years. Frankly, with a reputation...

HUSTLER Picks

  • Brushing Up on Going Down: The Pros’ Guide to Eating Pussy
  • The Business of Pleasure: How to Succeed in Sex Work (by Really Trying)
  • Three Is a Magic Number