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February 2026

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L.A. Riots

During all the commotion of the L.A. riots, an old woman was accosted by a thief. “I don’t have any money!” she insisted, but the mugger wasn’t buying it. He reached between her legs and began to feel her privates to see if she had anything stashed there. “Young man,” she cooed, “ I told...

What’s the Difference?

Question: What’s the difference between Dan Quayle, George W. Bush and Jane Fonda? Answer: Jane went to Vietnam....

Marital Advice

A woman wrote to her local newspaper seeking marital advice: “My husband is a born liar and philanderer. He has cheated on me from the start, and when I confront him, he just denies everything. The humiliation is unbearable because everyone knows he steps out on me. Also, after losing his job, he hasn’t bothered...

The Creation of Man

Question: Why did God create man before he created woman? Answer: He didn’t want advice....

The Birds and the Bees

A boy reached the age where he was growing curious about the birds and the bees, so when he and his father encountered two dogs humping in the park, his dad explained that the mutts were making puppies. One week later, in the middle of the night, the boy was having nightmares, ran into his...

Relatives of Yours?

After a bitter argument, a couple drove several miles in silence, neither one of them wanting to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard full of mules, pigs and goats, the husband asked, “Relatives of yours?” “Yes,” the wife replied. “In-laws.”...

Dog x Cat

Question: What do you get when you cross a dog with a cat? Answer: An animal that humps your leg for a few minutes and then ignores you the rest of the day....

Testosterone Pills

Young Agnes was put on testosterone pills to cure a mild hormone imbalance. Two weeks later she returned to the doctor for a checkup. “I’m a bit concerned,” Agnes told the physician. “Since you’ve put me on these pills, I’ve noticed some extra hair growth.” “Well, that’s to be expected,” smiled the doctor reassuringly. “It’s...

Linoleum Tiles

Question: What do men have in common with linoleum tiles? Answer: Lay them properly and you can walk all over them forever....

Holy Fuck, It’s Christmas!

 This just in: There is joy on earth. It’s on us to spread it around, and this time of year that means gifts. Sometimes it gets hard to figure out what goodies Old Saint Fatty should include in his sack of shit. So whether you’re seeking presents to start relationships or end them, we have...

Rubber Rubbish

So long, jizz facials. If Proposition 60, a ballot measure going before Californians on November 8th, is voted in, your favorite cum queens will have to wear goggles, nose plugs and surgical masks if they don’t want to be exposed to lawsuits. The California Safer Sex in the Adult Film Industry Act put forward by...

“Sorry I’m a Cunt!”

Dani Mathers don’t need no stinking publicist to go from low-ranking media celebrity (56th Playmate of the Year and a recurring role as “waitress” on The Bold and the Beautiful) to high-ranking internet hatebait. The surgically enhanced model made herself a household name the second she took a photo of an unsuspecting woman showering in...

Devil in Disguise

“Are we going to dress up?” asks one Satanic Temple member with the earnest enthusiasm of a Boy Scout marching in his first parade. It’s June 6, 2016—not quite 6.6.6, but close enough. The Los Angeles Chapter of the Satanic Temple is meeting at social activist and comedian Steve Hill’s house in Palmdale in preparation...

You’ve Got Mail

John was mowing his yard when his attractive blond neighbor walked out of her house and over to the mailbox. She opened it, peered in, slammed it shut and stormed back home. Five minutes later the woman came back out and repeated the entire scenario. As John prepared to trim his hedges, the blonde again...

When They Fart

Question: Why do men tend to laugh when they fart? Answer: It tickles their brain on the way out....

Little Old Lady

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day and was greeted by a young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. “Good morning,” said the eager salesman. “If I could have a few minutes of your time, I’d like to demonstrate the latest in high-powered vacuums.” “Beat it,” said the woman. “I don’t...

Too Sheer

Bill went to an expensive lingerie boutique to buy a negligee for his girlfriend. He was shown several and opted for the most expensive, a pink little number that set him back $500. When he got home, he asked his wom an to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him. This is...

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