“I love how we cuddle for hours after making love, don’t you?”
“I love how we cuddle for hours after making love, don’t you?”...
Bits & Pieces
Articles with unfiltered opinions
Search
Toothbrush
Question: How do we know the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky? Answer: If it had been invented anywhere else, it’d be called a teethbrush....
Spring Broken
A schoolboy was asked to tell his class about something exciting that had happened over spring break. “Well, my mommy fell down into our well a couple of weeks ago,” the boy said. “Oh, no!” exclaimed the teacher. “How terrible! Is she okay?” “Well, she must be,” answered the boy. “She stopped screaming for help...
Heaven or Hell?
Jane died and went to heaven. While waiting in line at the pearly gates, she heard terrible screaming and moaning. Alarmed, she tracked down Saint Peter to find out what was going on. “That’s just one of the women in front of you,” he said. “They’re drilling holes in her back to attach her wings.”...
Sex After Marriage
John and his wife were fucking one night. Fifteen minutes passed, then 30, then 45. Sweat poured off of both of them. Finally the wife stopped, looked up at her husband and asked, “What’s the matter, John? Can’t think of anyone else either?”...
Closed Eyes
Question: Why do women close their eyes during sex? Answer: Because they hate to see a man having such a good time....
The Porn Role
A starlet was arguing with her agent. “Of course I wanna be a big star, Lenny, but there are some things I just won’t do. Like the porn role that 75-year-old producer offered me.” “What did you tell him when he suggested the part?” asked Lenny. “I laughed right in his balls.”...
Big Pussies
Leave it to Donald Trump, aka Cheeto Jesus, aka The Face Without a Man, to ruin a perfectly wonderous word: pussy. In case you missed it (if you did, consider yourself blessed): A few weeks before the U.S. Presidential election, the Washington Post released a “hot mic” conversation between Trump and Access Hollywood dweeb Billy...
Mississippi Mud
Three cheers for the five bufuing freedom fighters who recently filed a federal class action lawsuit against Mississippi for its ass-backwards sodomy laws. (What is sodomy? We’re glad you asked! Strictly speaking, sodomy defines certain sex acts, say anal, oral and bestiality, as criminal. Generally speaking, it refers to anal intercourse—if you’re English, buggery, and...
Love Is a Battlefield
Sixty years too late for John F. Kennedy’s Profiles in Courage, we pay homage this month to folks who’ve braved shame and humiliation to get themselves to the emergency room, after an initial failure to exercise what some might call “good judgment.” ONE FOR THE TEAM Some women might be embarrassed about getting a huge...
“Before we get started, I need to know, how do you plan to pay for this?”
“Before we get started, I need to know, how do you plan to pay for this?”...
“Hey, I know how much you hate giving blowjobs, so I decided to bring in somebody from the outside!”
“Hey, I know how much you hate giving blowjobs, so I decided to bring in somebody from the outside!”...
“Masturbating to a picture of Ann Coulter is pretty fucked up, dude. I would’ve jumped a long time ago.”
“Masturbating to a picture of Ann Coulter is pretty fucked up, dude. I would’ve jumped a long time ago.”...
“I know I’m being old-fashioned, Carla, but I don’t care! Would you do me the honor of allowing me to stick my tongue all the way up your asshole?!”
“I know I’m being old-fashioned, Carla, but I don’t care! Would you do me the honor of allowing me to stick my tongue all the way up your asshole?!”...
Louise
Louise got home from work only to discover Henry stalking around the kitchen with a fly swatter. “Killed any yet?” she asked. “Yep,” answered Henry. “Two males and a female.” “How could you tell?” “Two were on a beer can, and one was on the fucking phone.”...
Louise
Louise got home from work only to discover Henry stalking around the kitchen with a fly swatter. “Killed any yet?” she asked. “Yep,” answered Henry. “Two males and a female.” “How could you tell?” “Two were on a beer can, and one was on the fucking phone.”...
Matchmaker, Matchmaker
A matchmaker agreed to find a bride for a young man, but when she brought along the prospective wife, he was horrified. “She’s ugly as sin,” the young man said. “Her hair is falling out, her eyes are crossed, and her teeth are brown!” “Why are you whispering?” asked the matchmaker. “She’s deaf too.”...
The Last Thing Jesus Said
Question: What was the last thing Jesus said to his disciples? Answer: “Everyone get on this side of the table if you want your picture taken.”...
I’d Rather Be the Papa
Governor Chris Christie was sentenced to prison for accepting bribes. He was put into a cell with the biggest, meanest-looking dude he’d ever seen. “We’re gonna fuck all night long,” the big guy said, smiling. “So, you wanna be the mama or the papa?” “Well, if I have to be one or the other, I’d...
Who Changes the Child?
A woman called her mother-in-law in the middle of the night. “Who changes the child if it poops itself? Is it the mom or the dad?” “It’s always the mom, honey,” said the mother-in-law. “Okay. Would you come over, please? Your son got drunk and shit his pants.”...
The HUSTLER Dictionary
The HUSTLER Dictionary defines macho as jogging home from your vasectomy....
