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July 2025

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Audited

An IRS agent went to audit the owner of a delicatessen. The deli owner threw his hands up and exclaimed, “I slave all day carving turkey and pastrami to make a living for me and my family, and you guys gotta question my measly $20 grand a year income?” “It’s not your income we question,...

Kidnapped!

Soon after her wedding a blonde disappeared. Her husband quickly gathered his friends and searched for her without success. Two days later the husband walked into his kitchen, and miraculously, there she was. Overjoyed, he asked where she’d been and what had happened. “Four men kidnapped me and forced me to have wild and kinky...

You Can!

Two drunks came across a meanlooking pitbull licking his balls. “Damn, I sure wish I could do that,” said one of the bums. “You can,” replied his friend. “Just be sure to pet him first.”...

Drug Charges

Bob and Bill went before a judge on drug charges. The judge told them that if they could persuade enough people to give up drugs over the weekend before their next court appearance, he’d forego their sentence. When they returned to court on Monday, Bob told the judge that he’d persuaded 15 people to quit...

How Far They’ll Go

Disney will literally sue anyone over copyright and trademark infringement. Hell, they even filed a complaint in California federal court against some dude in Michigan for selling “unlicensed and counterfeit edible cake frosting sheets and related items, which incorporate unauthorized likenesses of animated or live-action characters or other logos.” (Sorry, kid, no Captain America birthday...

Brace Yourself

Braces hold a certain cringe factor when it comes to blowjobs, but where some imagine metal scraping skin, others see an opportunity for sexual pleasure. Kuang-Yi, a multidisciplinary researcher, earned his degree as a doctor of dental surgery in 2009, but decided to go back to school for master’s degrees in communications design and dental...

Lame Duck Fucks

What the fuck, Ohio? While the rest of the country was sniggering at the need for your state to pass an anti-bestiality bill (it’s not exactly an epidemic), State GOP lawmakers came in under the wire to pad the bill with some fairly anti-democratic shit, none of which has anything even remotely to do with...

Perversion Conversion

If you have enough money, you can get seated at any table. Take, for instance, Donald Trump’s pick for secretary of the Department of Education, Betsy “My Teeth Are Whiter Than Yours” DeVos. She’s never worked in public education, nor does she believe in it. In fact, she’s spent the past two decades siphoning Michigan’s...

Mind Fuck

A Canadian study has found another benefit to penis-in-pussy action. Researchers from McGill University recently published an article—“Frequency of Penile-Vaginal Intercourse is Associated with Verbal Recognition Performance in Adult Women”—which basically concluded that the more dick a chick gets, the better she does on word memory tests. The authors suggest that this may mean that...

Jumbo Shrimp

One day at the mortuary, an embalmer told his supervisor, “Problem with the new arrival. A jumbo shrimp’s sticking out of her pussy.” “That’s impossible. Show me.” The embalmer went to the draining table and flipped back the sheet. “See?” His boss took a closer look.“You idiot, that’s not a jumbo shrimp. That’s her clit.”...

Kinky vs. Perverted

Question: What’s the difference between kinky and perverted? Answer: Kinky you use a feather. Perverted you use the whole chicken....

At the Doctor

A woman went to the doctor and said, “I’m really worried. Every time I go past a mirror, I feel sick to my stomach. What’s wrong with me?” The doctor examined the woman and replied, “I’m not sure, but your eyesight seems to be just fine.”...

Poor Rottweiler

Big Chuck was walking his 100- pound Rottweiler when he decided to stop at the local tavern. He tied his dog to a parking meter and headed inside. Minutes later a woman ran into the bar screaming, “Whose dog is outside?” Chuck stood and said, “Mine.” “You’d better get out there! My Chihuahua is killing...

Los Angeles Cops

Two Los Angeles cops, Paula and Frank, were on foot, in pursuit of a robbery suspect, when they got separated. Paula finally caught up with her partner just in time to see him poking a stick down a sewage drain. “What are you doing?” she asked. “I dropped my jacket down the hole,” explained Frank....

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