Bits & Pieces
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“Marriage has agreed with me over the years… all six times.”
“Marriage has agreed with me over the years… all six times.”...
“I just googled ‘raging bitch.’ It’s actually a pretty decent photo of you!”
“I just googled ‘raging bitch.’ It’s actually a pretty decent photo of you!”...
“I keep thinking we should include something in the Constitution in case the people elect a fucking moron.”
“I keep thinking we should include something in the Constitution in case the people elect a fucking moron.”...
“Ladies and gentlemen, we have just been informed that the Russians have hacked and possibly influenced the American Porn Association’s selection of best cum-shot: Sandy Squirt in ‘Cock Cream Sundae’…”
“Ladies and gentlemen, we have just been informed that the Russians have hacked and possibly influenced the American Porn Association’s selection of best cum-shot: Sandy Squirt in ‘Cock Cream Sundae’…”...
“This is my friend Otto. Otto is 87 years old and a German citizen. He survived World War II. After Trump was elected, Otto told me, ‘Pay attention! Germany has been there, done that!'”
“This is my friend Otto. Otto is 87 years old and a German citizen. He survived World War II. After Trump was elected, Otto told me, ‘Pay attention! Germany has been there, done that!'”...
“My team was able to successfully remove the massive dildo from your girlfriend’s colon. I hope in the future you lesbos will be more careful with your toys!”
“My team was able to successfully remove the massive dildo from your girlfriend’s colon. I hope in the future you lesbos will be more careful with your toys!”...
“My testicles? Oh, I lost those in my divorce.”
“My testicles? Oh, I lost those in my divorce.”...
Jumbo Shrimp
One day at the mortuary, an embalmer told his supervisor, “Problem with the new arrival. A jumbo shrimp’s sticking out of her pussy.” “That’s impossible. Show me.” The embalmer went to the draining table and flipped back the sheet. “See?” His boss took a closer look.“You idiot, that’s not a jumbo shrimp. That’s her clit.”...
Kinky vs. Perverted
Question: What’s the difference between kinky and perverted? Answer: Kinky you use a feather. Perverted you use the whole chicken....
At the Doctor
A woman went to the doctor and said, “I’m really worried. Every time I go past a mirror, I feel sick to my stomach. What’s wrong with me?” The doctor examined the woman and replied, “I’m not sure, but your eyesight seems to be just fine.”...
Poor Rottweiler
Big Chuck was walking his 100- pound Rottweiler when he decided to stop at the local tavern. He tied his dog to a parking meter and headed inside. Minutes later a woman ran into the bar screaming, “Whose dog is outside?” Chuck stood and said, “Mine.” “You’d better get out there! My Chihuahua is killing...
Los Angeles Cops
Two Los Angeles cops, Paula and Frank, were on foot, in pursuit of a robbery suspect, when they got separated. Paula finally caught up with her partner just in time to see him poking a stick down a sewage drain. “What are you doing?” she asked. “I dropped my jacket down the hole,” explained Frank....
Harrowing Operation
A man woke up in the hospital after a harrowing operation. Full of dread, he asked the nurse, “Did things go okay?” “They saved your testicles.” The man let out a sigh of relief. Then the nurse handed him a plastic cup. “They’re here if you’d like to see them.”...
The Wildest Party
After a wild office party Bill woke up with a terrible hangover. He rolled over and groaned to his wife, “What happened last night?” “You made an ass of yourself,” she said. “You even told your boss what you really think of him.” “Well, piss on him,” Bill shrugged. “You did,” said the wife. “That’s...
Princess Killjoy
American’s sense of “victory” gets cheaper every day. Take former Gary Hart lap warmer Donna Rice Hughes. The president and CEO of Enough Is Enough (EIE), a nonprofit organization dedicated to making “the internet safer for children and families,” is claiming “huge victories.” Just what does EIE, at it for over two decades now, have...
Grim Business
Yee-haw! If you’re in the funeral business, keep your eyes peeled on a lawsuit under review in the Lone Star State. Last year Texas health officials adopted a draconian statute requiring that “fetal remains” be disposed of by cremation or burial. Abortion providers say the law would force clinics to do business with funeral homes,...
Strip Club Rules
According to Page Six, senior Trump campaign staff advisers Jason Miller and A.J. Delgado invited media from several networks to hang out at the Sapphire Las Vegas strip club the night before the final Presidential debate. No big deal! Trump won the election, and Miller was offered and accepted a White House communications director position....
Trickle-Down Politics
According to an intelligence report released by BuzzFeed, the Russian government “has been cultivating, supporting and assisting Trump for at least five years,” and Trump and “his inner circle have accepted a regular flow of intelligence from the Kremlin, including on his Democratic and other political rivals.” That’s not the only flow Trump is said...
Planet Porn
University students in search of a thesis, rejoice! For the third year Pornhub has gazed deeply into its navel and released analytics that shed XXX light on 2016. To wit: • Collectively, just on Pornhub, humans around the planet spent 4,599,000,000 hours—or 5,246 centuries—watching porn. Oh, the humanity! • Pornhub clocked 23 billion visits for...
