Bits & Pieces
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“If conservatives manage to overturn Roe v. Wade, where will all the Republican politicians’ mistresses go for their abortions?”
“If conservatives manage to overturn Roe v. Wade, where will all the Republican politicians’ mistresses go for their abortions?”...
“We here at Fox have a very strict dress code. I trust you own a dress that reveals more leg than the one you’re wearing!”
“We here at Fox have a very strict dress code. I trust you own a dress that reveals more leg than the one you’re wearing!”...
“Sorry, honey! It must be those fucking Russians using my computer to hack into porn sites again!”
“Sorry, honey! It must be those fucking Russians using my computer to hack into porn sites again!”...
“What therefore a ten-inch cock and a humongous set of tits has brought together let no man put asunder.”
“What therefore a ten-inch cock and a humongous set of tits has brought together let no man put asunder.”...
“I’m sorry, ma’am. Your husband wanting to fuck you in the ass in your own house does not constitute a homegrown terrorist threat.”
“I’m sorry, ma’am. Your husband wanting to fuck you in the ass in your own house does not constitute a homegrown terrorist threat.”...
“I will not sit down! I refuse to negotiate with fucking terrorists!”
“I will not sit down! I refuse to negotiate with fucking terrorists!”...
“That’s an oxymoron! Ain’t no Republican alive or dead who’s ever thrown a good party!”
“That’s an oxymoron! Ain’t no Republican alive or dead who’s ever thrown a good party!”...
“Check out this letter, Monica: ‘Dear Teen Time, I am a 14-year-old girl from Mississippi, and I’m still a virgin. Do you think all my brothers are gay?”
“Check out this letter, Monica: ‘Dear Teen Time, I am a 14-year-old girl from Mississippi, and I’m still a virgin. Do you think all my brothers are gay?”...
“I’ve never paid for it in my life, you understand—but my wife won’t put out anymore…she claims it’s because of the brain tumor!”
“I’ve never paid for it in my life, you understand—but my wife won’t put out anymore…she claims it’s because of the brain tumor!”...
Melania Trump
Melania Trump walked into the bedroom with a duck under her arm. Donald looked up in surprise. “Here’s the pig I fuck,” said the First Lady, looking down at the floor in shame. “Your English sucks,” her husband sniped. “That’s not a pig. That’s a duck.” “I wasn’t talking to you,” said Melania....
What’s Worse?
Question: What’s worse than a male chauvinist pig? Answer: A woman who won’t do as she’s told....
Audited
An IRS agent went to audit the owner of a delicatessen. The deli owner threw his hands up and exclaimed, “I slave all day carving turkey and pastrami to make a living for me and my family, and you guys gotta question my measly $20 grand a year income?” “It’s not your income we question,...
Kidnapped!
Soon after her wedding a blonde disappeared. Her husband quickly gathered his friends and searched for her without success. Two days later the husband walked into his kitchen, and miraculously, there she was. Overjoyed, he asked where she’d been and what had happened. “Four men kidnapped me and forced me to have wild and kinky...
You Can!
Two drunks came across a meanlooking pitbull licking his balls. “Damn, I sure wish I could do that,” said one of the bums. “You can,” replied his friend. “Just be sure to pet him first.”...
Drug Charges
Bob and Bill went before a judge on drug charges. The judge told them that if they could persuade enough people to give up drugs over the weekend before their next court appearance, he’d forego their sentence. When they returned to court on Monday, Bob told the judge that he’d persuaded 15 people to quit...
How Far They’ll Go
Disney will literally sue anyone over copyright and trademark infringement. Hell, they even filed a complaint in California federal court against some dude in Michigan for selling “unlicensed and counterfeit edible cake frosting sheets and related items, which incorporate unauthorized likenesses of animated or live-action characters or other logos.” (Sorry, kid, no Captain America birthday...
Brace Yourself
Braces hold a certain cringe factor when it comes to blowjobs, but where some imagine metal scraping skin, others see an opportunity for sexual pleasure. Kuang-Yi, a multidisciplinary researcher, earned his degree as a doctor of dental surgery in 2009, but decided to go back to school for master’s degrees in communications design and dental...
