Having little else to do, journalists across the nation recently reported on a paper published by New York University researchers with this catchy title: “A Qualitative Investigation Comparing Psychosocial and Physical Sexual Experiences Related to Alcohol and Marijuana Use Among Adults.” Translation? Some academics interviewed 24 adults who said they toked up before sex and asked them to talk about how good it was—or wasn’t—compared to boozing before balling.
“Beer googles are real,” cried the Washington Post. “Drunk sex can make you sick. Stoned sex can make you distracted. The pleasure is usually better on marijuana.” Not to dampen the mood, but you don’t need to be Woodward or Bernstein to realize that barfing on your fuck buddy is more probable after downing tequila shots than a bong hit. (Dead Kennedys’ Jello Biafra clarified the dilemna sufficiently back in 1981 in his ode “Too Drunk to Fuck,” adding the sorrows of beer-induced diarrhea to the mix.) No mention of the impact of other substances on the sexual experience, though at this very moment, it’s probable that subjects across the nation are conducting their own exhaustive research.