I’m aware young couples…
“I’m aware young couples are writing their own ceremonies, but I refuse to use the terms blowjob and cum face.”...
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I’m leaving you, Vernon…
“I’m leaving you, Vernon—I met some…thing else!”...
Yeah, yeah, kingdom of God…
“Yeah, yeah, kingdom of God. Unfortunately, I’m in the kingdom of Alice right now.”...
Friday Funnies: Laughs in Lockup 4
Are you ready for some captivating humor? We hope so, because we’re about to do some hard, hilarious time behind bars, courtesy of HUSTLER’s vast archive of outrageous cartoons. Enjoy! “I thought lethal injection meant a hypodermic!” “It doesn’t matter to me if you are guilty or not. My job is to defend you, hopefully...
HUSTLER Classic: Humpy Halloween
The spooky season is in full effect, and with Halloween just days away, we have an installment of HUSTLER Classic for you that’s all treat, no trick! For this edition, we’re traveling back to the November ’08 HUSTLER and, in particular, the scarily sexy pictorial This Ain’t the Munsters XXX. Featuring exclusive images from the...
Sunday Funday: Bushy Blondes
Fair-haired beauties who let the locks flow, above and below—prepare yourself, dear reader, because we are about to put you in a delightfully hairy situation. Enjoy this collection of blond HUSTLER Honeys with crotch curls you’ll definitely want to run your fingers—and other appendages—through. Go ahead, dive in! Lilly Bell Jessica Starling Cherry Kiss Natalie...
A newly confirmed nun…
A newly confirmed nun stepped into the confessional booth and told the priest, “Father, I never wear panties underneath my habit.” “That’s not very sinful,” the priest assured her. “Say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers and do five cartwheels on your way to the altar.”...
After the birth of his daughter…
After the birth of his daughter, Morris was brooding in the maternity ward’s waiting room. Noticing the gloomy fellow, an obstetrician went over to him and asked, “Excuse me, but why the long face?” Morris replied, “To be honest, Doc, I didn’t want a daughter. I was hoping for a kid who had, you know,...
Question: What is the ideal breakfast scenario for a married man?
Question: What is the ideal breakfast scenario for a married man? Answer: He’s eating eggs benedict, his mistress is the covergirl of the HUSTLER that just arrived in the mail, his son is the athlete pictured on the Wheaties box, and his wife’s photo is on the back of the milk carton....
Zeke went to a tattoo shop and had the words…
Zeke went to a tattoo shop and had the words yes and no inked onto his pecker. As soon as he got home, he stripped in front of his wife Carrie, proudly showing off the aroused organ and his new tattoos. “What do you think, honey?” “What do I think?!” Carrie hollered. “You tell me...
Jed was riding shotgun…
Jed was riding shotgun in Billy-Bob’s pickup when his buddy suddenly stopped and pointed at a farmer’s field. “That’s where I first had sex,” Billy-Bob recalled, misty-eyed. “How was it?” Jed asked. “Really great,” Billy-Bob replied, “until I saw that her mother was watching.” “Holy shit!” Jed exclaimed. “What did she say?” “Baaaaaa.”...
Ken wanted to make….
Ken wanted to make something very clear to his wife: “When we’re screwing, don’t tell me to go deeper,” he suggested. “If I could, I would. You don’t hear me saying, ‘Be tighter.’”...
Nerdy & Flirty, Geeky & Freaky
From entomology to mathematics, some of our favorite XXX performers share their egghead obsessions. Oftentimes, we only get to see one side of our favorite performers and creators, yet there is so much more bubbling below their sexy online and onscreen identities—and sometimes it’s a geeky and nerdy side! We spoke to a collection of...
Jeff doesn’t do coffee…
“Jeff doesn’t do coffee. He has his own way to wake up in the morning.”...
Why, yes…
“Why, yes—he is in!”...
“I’ll be glad when these union contract talks are over!”
“I’ll be glad when these union contract talks are over!”...
“I’m fired?! Just like that, with no explanation?”
“I’m fired?! Just like that, with no explanation?”...
A teenage girl named Lisa came home…
A teenage girl named Lisa came home from school and asked her mother, “Is it true what Richie told me? That babies come from the same place boys put their penises during sex?” Relieved that she wouldn’t have to explain the birds and the bees to her daughter, Lisa’s mom responded, “Yes, dear, your brother...
Breakup Sex: The Pleasures & Pitfalls
Sure, you might be tempted to get in one last bang with your ex, but beware—there are plenty of reasons why you might want to think twice. It has been said that breaking up is hard to do, but sometimes the break just makes us hard. Yep—after the yelling, the blaming and the shaming, couples...
Ivi Rein
“There are many things I like about this job, but my favorite is that it gives me the opportunity to live by my own schedule without being obliged to work when I don’t want to. I have holidays whenever I want and get to travel for work. My favorite destination...
Foghat: The Slow Ride Continues
Founding member Roger Earl talks about the meaning of “Slow Ride,” what the hell a Foghat is and the band’s new album, Sonic Mojo. Roger Earl is a rock ’n’ roll survivor. At age 77, he has outlived all other original members of his long-running band Foghat, and many of the other bands from his...
Big Dick Blues
Regretting the fact that you’re not hung like King Dong? You shouldn’t; sometimes packing a huge hog is more of a burden than a blessing. There is an unwavering source of consistent misery in almost every man’s life, and that’s his dick. It’s the one bodily feature that he’s destined to live out the rest...
Natalia Cruze
CLASSIC PHOTOGRAPHY FROM THE JUNE 2005 HUSTLER We see a lot of beautiful women here at HUSTLER, but Natalia is truly a goddess. This Mighty Aphrodite has actually traveled to Egypt. “It was great to be there,” Natalia recalls. “My hotel was right on the Nile River, and I could...
Friday Funnies: Old Fucks Vol. 3
As the old saying goes, just because there’s snow on the roof doesn’t mean there isn’t a fire in the furnace. With that in mind, join us on a hilarious celebration of horny geriatrics, courtesy of HUSTLER’s vast archive of uproarious cartoons. Enjoy! “This is my midlife crisis, Marsha! Butt out!” “You should stop while...
HUSTLER Classic: Royal Flesh
It’s good to be the queen—but it might be even better to gaze upon a royally ravishing babe in all her natural glory. Exhibit A: The June 2005 HUSTLER pictorial Natalia Cruze: All Hail the Queen, which featured a beauty of regal proportions. The photo-spread, lensed by photographer Laurent Sky, presented bewitching brunette Natalia Cruze...
Fine, Fingered Femmes Vol. 11
Beautiful HUSTLER Honeys getting in touch with themselves and letting their fingers do the probing? Sign us up! Join us for a very touching tribute to hot babes who take their sexual satisfaction into their own hands. Enjoy! Vinna Reed Lika Star Vicky Harding April O’Neil Cassie Laine McKenzie Sweet Rahyndee James Sophia Knight...
Paranormal XXX-periences
Prepare to be scared stiff, as some of our favorite adult-industry entertainers recall their brushes with the supernatural. We’ve probably all encountered it. An odd noise in a place where you’re alone, the hair on the back of your neck standing up and a dreadful feeling of something not being right. I had the haunting...
