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Latest HUSTLER Magazine cover issue
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June 2024

Misha Cross and Agatha Vega
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Big Dick Blues
Featured Article

Big Dick Blues

Regretting the fact that you’re not hung like King Dong? You shouldn’t; sometimes packing a huge hog is more of a burden than a blessing.

There is an unwavering source of consistent misery in almost every man’s life, and that’s his dick. It’s the one bodily feature that he’s destined to live out the rest of his days wishing he could change in some capacity. He might even scream out to the heavens, “Why, Lord? Why couldn’t you make it longer, thicker, and look less like a malnourished penguin?” Sure, he will lament other physical attributes that have crippled his social life in perpetuity, like the fact that the hair he lost on his head has since started growing thicker…in his ears. Or that he’s so vertically challenged that he’ll never get to ride a roller coaster. But he’ll learn to live with those lesser impairments. As for the dimensions of that diminutive dong, however…well, that will forever haunt his fragile psyche.

“I’m about six inches, soft. My dick hits the water when I’m sitting on some toilets. Using a public bathroom can get pretty gross.”

Maurice

These men with miniscule members have it better than they think, though. Having a massive slab of man meat dangling between your legs ain’t always what it’s cracked up to be. No, really; we’re serious. There’s a wealth of unfortunate situations that those with a mega manhood might suffer. Pants might sometimes fit too snugly in the crotch and an untimely boner at the pool, for instance, puts them at risk of being arrested for indecent exposure. Guys who have been endowed with a beefy bone often complain that it’s more of a disability than a godsend. They argue that packing a real porker comes with a wealth of disadvantages, like making it harder to buy underwear, along with other drawbacks.

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“I’m about six inches, soft,” Maurice of Fayetteville, Arkansas, tells HUSTLERMagazine.com. “My dick hits the water when I’m sitting on some toilets. Using a public bathroom can get pretty gross.”

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