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March 2026

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Friday Funnies: Awfully Wedded Vol. 3

Join us for a stroll down the aisle—we’re taking a vow to give you a few good laughs, courtesy of HUSTLER’s vast cartoon archives. These matrimony-themed jokes will be there for you in sickness and in health—though, truth is, most of them are pretty sick! What are you waiting for? Take the plunge! “Stanley, my...

Trust Women: The Fight for Reproductive Rights in America

We knew it was coming. Early last May, a draft of the Supreme Court’s opinion revisiting Roe v. Wade was leaked, signaling that federal protection for abortion, the law of the land since 1973, was in jeopardy. Less than two months later, the most conservative High Court in 90 years stripped the right to reproductive...

Crystal Ball(s)

All right, 2023, let’s get this over with: Tell us to hold your beer so you can go fuck things up even more than they are now. We’ll wait. War in Ukraine, Kanye vs. Jews, Queen kicks the bucket—seriously, where do we go from here? Followers of Nostradamus aren’t feeling too optimistic, with talk of...

Battle of the Biopics

Ladies, gentlemen and nonbinary folk, can I please have your attention. I’ve just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. I need all of you to stop what you’re doing and listen: Rocco Siffredi wants you to know that the upcoming biopic series about his life is not entirely accurate. Granted, is it really...

Dead Sexy

You know what we don’t spend enough time discussing? Celebrities who have sex with ghosts. Last summer Buzzfeed blessed us with a spooky listicle of A-listers who claim to have experienced spectral encounters of a rather intimate nature. Spectrophilia, the very alleged phenomenon of sexual encounters between ghosts and humans, is what the kids call...

Pillow Hacks

If you thought pillows were just for sleep and occasionally smothering your enemies, then boy, do we have some fun news for you about this multifaceted bedroom staple/murder weapon. Doctors at a private medical clinic in New York were able to determine the most effective sex position for female orgasms using ultrasound technology to monitor...

Vibrategate

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark, and it threatens to unravel the very fabric of society. Vibrating anal beads, once a harmless sex toy, are at the epicenter of multiple scandals involving extremely unsportsmanlike conduct. And frankly, we can’t sit idly by as an innocent victim is maliciously, unjustifiably maligned. It all started...

Emojis For Dummies

Full disclosure: The HUSTLER editorial team skews Millennials and older. And as much as we try to stay on top of current trends, we must admit that this latest revelation was a tough pill to swallow: The thumbsup emoji is out! If, like us, you lean on the thumb to indicate approval or agreement, your...

Truth Has Been Politicized

The former President and America’s right wing benefit more than ever from our corporate media pulling punches. In early August 2022, federal law enforcement officials executed a search warrant at Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort. A federal judge, based on a sworn affidavit from the FBI, found “probable cause” to believe that the former President violated...

The Rise of Hate Crimes

Hate crimes in America have soared since 2016, the year Donald Trump was elected. His dog whistling to white supremacists—“There are good people on both sides,” after the Charlottesville Unite the Right rally—propelled bigoted extremists out into the open, and they’ve been rampaging ever since. According to the FBI, the number of hate crimes spiked...

Saturday Special: Pretty in Pink Vol. 4

Pink—it’s the most sensuous color and, in fact, the color that HUSTLER was built on! With that in mind, it’s only right and natural that we should celebrate red-hot Honeys decked out in this most tantalizing of tints—that is, until they strip down and show off the patch of Pink Heaven between their legs. Enjoy!...

HUSTLER Two-Timers: Rihanna Rimes

Welcome to HUSTLER Two-Timers, where we celebrate Honeys so nice, we’ve featured them twice!  Today we’re focusing our attention and affection on Rihanna Rimes, a knockout beauty who hails from Seattle, which is often referred to as the Emerald City—and this babe definitely sparkles brightly in our eyes.  Rihanna certainly has a familiar name, but...

Asshole of the Month: Kanye West (Ye)

One thing history teaches us is that some of the greatest creative geniuses can also be flaming Assholes. The pioneering scientist Sir Isaac Newton was notorious for petty, vicious feuds with rivals, and even professed faith in alchemy. Picasso was a womanizer who used most of the women in his life like cheap doormats. Frank...

A little girl went to the barbershop…

A little girl went to the barbershop with her father. As he was getting his hair cut, she stood right next to the chair, eating a snack cake. Looking down, the barber cautioned, “You’re gonna get hair on your Twinkie.” “I know,” the girl squealed. “I’m gonna get tits too!”...

A little old lady walked into a biker bar…

A little old lady walked into a biker bar and found the meanest-looking hombre in the place. Stepping up to him, she said, “I’d like to ride with your crew.” “You can’t ride with us,” the biker snarled. “Where’s your bike?” The biddy pointed to a Harley parked outside and said, “That’s my bike.” “That’s...

Blake was on a first date…

Blake was on a first date with Denise. Thinking they were a good match, he asked, “How about us spending a romantic weekend in the nicest hotel in town?” Denise looked at him and said, “I’m afraid that my awareness of your proclivities in the esoteric aspects of sexual behavior precludes you from such an...

Just a reminder…

“Just a reminder, for the thousandth time, ‘Go fuck yourself!’ is not a suggestion.”...

Now, did you…

“Now, did you or did you not tell me to have a good day at the office when I left this morning?!”...

Rosie was relaxing on a park…

Rosie was relaxing on a park bench when a young fella plopped down on the other end. Being a friendly sort, she asked, “How do you like to spend your free time?” “I stalk,” the guy replied. “Really?” Rosie chirped. “I enjoy walks in the park and going to movies.” “Yes, I know,” the dude...

So I see…

“So I see your buddies have been here to visit you already…”...

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