Santa Has…
“Santa has Christmas wishes too!”...
Bits & Pieces
Articles with unfiltered opinions
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Santa Checks…
Santa checks his lists....
I’ll Cherish My Time…
“I’ll always cherish my time in Congress, representing Wyoming and working to promote and strengthen America’s standing in the world. Did I mention that Donald Trump is a lying, narcissistic piece of shit and a nuclear-secrets-stealing, fucked-up son of a bitch?!”...
Donald Trump—the guy…
“Donald Trump—the guy couldn’t sell steaks or vodka, couldn’t run a university or casino and couldn’t overthrow the U.S. government. He’s a loser!”...
Well! Ho…
“Well! Ho, ho, ho!”...
It’s Beginning to Look…
“It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas!”...
You Made Both…
“You made both my naughty and nice lists.”...
What Are You Complaining…
“What are you complaining about? You always said there was no such thing as Santa Claus!”...
I Told You…
“I told you I’d be late tonight, dear. It’s our annual holiday orifice party!”...
I Think If There’s…
“I think if there’s one thing we’ve all learned from this, it’s that we haven’t learned a goddamn thing.”...
I’ll Be Home Late…
“I’ll be home late, dear. I’m drilling a new hole, and it might turn into a gusher any second now.”...
Okay, Stevens…
“Okay, Stevens, I’ll get right back to you after this merger.”...
Bill Admitted To His Best Friend…
Bill admitted to his best friend, “All of the thrill is gone from my marriage, Randy.” “So why not add some intrigue to your boring life and have an affair?” Randy suggested.“What if my wife finds out?” Bill asked. “Hell, this is a new age we live in,” Randy replied. “Go ahead and just tell...
On A Visit…
On a visit to the barber, Walt asked if he had any remedies to curehis baldness. “It might sound kinda strange, but the best thing I’ve found is a gal’s Vaginal juices,” the barber confided.“Shit, you’re balder than I am!” Walt yelped. The barber shot back, “But you must admit, I’ve got a great mustache!”...
Jason And Abby From Their Honeymoon…
Jason and Abby returned from their honeymoon, and it was obvious to everyone that the newlyweds weren’t talking to each other. Clint, Jason’s best man, took him aside and asked what was wrong. “Well, Abby and I made love on our wedding night without any problems,” Jason explained. “But as I got up to take...
Democrats Just Changed Everything
With no help from congressional Republicans. And most Americans have yet to notice. It was not normal. In late summer the U.S. West was slammed by a relentless, record heat wave. For two unforgiving weeks, temperatures topped 110 degrees Fahrenheit in scores of cities. California’s capital, Sacramento, hit a mercury-shattering 116 degrees as more than...
Asshole of the Month: Vladimir Putin
British historian Lord Acton wisely observed that “power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.” In modern times, there is no better example of this than Russia’s longtime leader Vladimir Putin, who now threatens to launch a nuclear holocaust with his invasion and annexation of eastern Ukraine. Putin started his career in that notorious...
Tosha Tosh
“Appearing in HUSTLER was a major goal of mine,” says Tosha Tosh, 29, a pharmacy tech from Dayton, Ohio. “I love being naked and showing off. Thank you for the opportunity.” Tattooed on her right arm is the inscription “We all have a story to tell!” and the 5-foot-3 skin-mag...
Kiera Costa
“I figured it was time to put a checkmark next to HUSTLER on my bucket list,” proclaims Kiera Costa, 32, from San Francisco, California. “I regret waiting so long, but I’m honored to be seen in the adult industry’s best magazine.” The 5-foot-7 professional dominatrix and published author has a...
Victoria Bones
“I love decorating my body and standing out a little extra,” declares Victoria Bones, 30, an “adventurous, fun and carefree” pole dancer from Chesapeake, Virginia. “Since I want the world to see the beauty of all kinds of bodies, I thought HUSTLER would be an amazing place to start—a judge-free...
Saturday Special: Girls on Girls
No pecker? No problem! These ladies don’t need a dude to get off—they’re perfectly capable of taking matters (and each other) into their own hands. Speaking of hands, make sure to give these ladies one as they get down to some delightfully dirty girl-on-girl action. Harley Haze & Havana Bleu Ryan Keely & Vina Sky...
After Their First Date…
After their first date, LuEllen and Matt were undressing in her bedroom when she spotted a NIKE tattoo on the dude’s right shoulder. Then, as he took off more clothing and his socks, she saw REEBOK tattooed on an ankle. This guy’s got a sports brand fetish, LuEllen thought. When Matt was stark naked, Lu-Ellen—who...
HUSTLER Two-Timers: Marykate Moss
Welcome to HUSTLER Two-Timers, where we celebrate Honeys so nice, we’ve featured them twice! Today we’re focusing our attention and affection on Marykate Moss, a stunning beauty from New York City, The City That Never Sleeps—and we’d certainly let Marykate keep us up all night anytime. Marykate made her first big impression on HUSTLER readers...
Home for the Holidays
Some of our favorite XXX performers share awkward, sexy and hilarious stories about their family gatherings over the holidays. Ahh, nothing beats going back home and spending time with loved ones and old friends…right? Of course, not everything always goes according to plan, and fights, tension and awkward conversations can ensue. Now, take all of...
Ella Knox
“I was born and raised in California, so I love being active outdoors, wakeboarding or playing soccer. When I want to chill, I read or listen to music. “I grew up in a pretty restrictive household.… so much so that I didn’t even get a chance to watch porn till...
Kendra Spade
“I know how to flirt. It isn’t romantic or sexual. It’s more of a delicate stroke of the person’s ego. You have to know how to appeal to their desires. If it seems like the flirtation is benefiting them more than it is benefiting you, then you’re doing it right....
Zazie Skymm
“Thanks to modeling, I’ve been blessed, traveling to so many places and meeting wonderful people. On my days off I enjoy relaxing with friends or going on dates. “I’ve always been open-minded and adventure-seeking, and I love to have fun. Good sex is the most fun. My favorite thing is...
