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November 2025

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Jim’s wife was madder than hell.

Jim’s wife was madder than hell. “I can’t believe you’ve been having sex with prostitutes!” she screamed. “I’m really disappointed.” “You can hardly blame me,” Jim countered. “It’s not like I’ve been getting any from you lately.” “That’s your damn fault!” his wife snapped. “You never told me you were willing to pay for it!”...

Frannie had been the Smiths’ maid for only a few months.

Frannie had been the Smiths’ maid for only a few months. Nevertheless, one morning she went up to Mrs. Smith—a gorgeous blonde in her late 20s—and said, “I’d like a pay raise.” “Why do you think you deserve a raise?” the lady of the house asked. “Three reasons,” Frannie replied. “First, I can cook better...

A state trooper pulled over 87-year-old Agnes for speeding.

A state trooper pulled over 87-year-old Agnes for speeding. As he looked at her driver’s license, he noticed that a concealed-weapon permit was attached to it. Taken aback, the trooper couldn’t help but ask, “Do you have a gun in your possession now, ma’am?” In a crackly voice, Agnes replied, “I have a .45 automatic...

Safe and Sexy

Yes, the world is falling apart at an exponential rate, but goddammit, we’re going to look sexy while it’s happening. No one really wants to wear a face mask all the time, but on the other hand, we’re kind of psyched to stay alive. So we wear our masks, and we make the best of...

Toxic Reality

So here we go again. Another grand electoral battle in the world’s most celebrated democracy decided by largely ignorant voters heeding the power of money to deceive. Effectively befuddling the public with false arguments and insignificant choices, the 2012 Presidential election resolved nothing while leaving the nation in dire straits. The reason is that the...

We’re Not All Criminals and Terrorists

I was shocked and very pleased to see “Police Chiefs Urge Limits on Use of Drones” headlining a USA Today article. As more local police departments acquire—or anticipate “deputizing”— unmanned aircraft to conduct surveillance from our own skies, what could be troubling the mighty International Association of Chiefs of Police, whose members want to ride...

Asshole of the Month: Greg Gutfeld

We weren’t sure Fox News’ late-night laxative had what it takes to be worthy of the world’s most feared award. But once we scratched his smarmy surface, we found enough shit to fill ten assholes. Greg Gutfeld got our attention with his potshots at HUSTLER’s publisher. “Larry Flynt is incapable of hypocrisy because he lacks standards...

Going South

Are old white men genuinely nuts, or are they just throwing a collective tantrum? What is it about the Barack Obama Presidency that pushes so many of them over the edge? In this past election, white codgers—joined by some younger men who are dumb beyond their years—were exposed as the only major demographic group in...

Asshole of the Month: Roy Moore

In America’s race for stupidest state, the results are in. Alabama is home to enough troglodytes to actually reelect Roy Moore as the state’s chief justice. This shit for brains with hair plugs was ousted by Alabama’s own Court of the Judiciary back in 2003 for blowing tons of taxpayer dollars on a hunk of...

Who’s the Criminal?

What is the crime for which Bradley Manning faces life in prison after being tortured by his own government for two years? The Army private first class is charged with having “aided the enemy” in violation of the Espionage Act. But who is the “enemy” he aided, other than his fellow Americans, who were alerted...

Don’t Let Your Face Turn You In

The science fiction I used to read years ago was only mildly adventurous and rather amusing compared to our government’s real-life bag of tricks. Did you know that high-tech wizardry is making us instantly and suspiciously recognizable to Big Brother? Brace yourself for “FBI’s Facial Recognition Is Coming to a State Near You,” a chilling...

Earth First! Strikes Back

In 1990—23 years ago this month—Judi Bari was critically injured by a car bomb, and fellow activist Darryl Cherney was nearly blinded. The FBI and Oakland Police Department immediately accused the two environmentalists of bombing themselves. Who Bombed Judi Bari?—produced by Cherney and directed by Mary Liz Thomson—chronicles the activists’ ongoing investigation into the FBI’s...

Wholesale Charade

Hallelujah! Every four years there’s a Presidential election, and We the People should be excited about this exercise of our Constitutionally guaranteed democratic rights. Wrong! It’s a pathetic charade that has nothing at all to do with the sort of republic of the free stakeholders that the founders of this nation had in mind when...

Education Is Flunking

We know that the No Child Left Behind law—the lingering legacy of the George W. Bush Administration—requires standardized testing to measure elementary-school students’ proficiency in reading and math. But with emphasis placed on those learning tools, with a regimen of tests and more tests, many thousands of youngsters are deficient in history, civics, the arts...

Asshole of the Month: Mike Huckabee

Mike Huckabee sees the world through the lens of a bizarre horror flick. Demons are everywhere, tempting him with buckets of deep-fried sin that only he and his band of white, male Christian warriors have the strength to resist. Some days the demons are whiny liberals who want equal rights for everyone. Other days they’re...

Greedonomics

Let me tell you how screwed we are. Better yet, let me once again quote my favorite economist, the late Beatle John Lennon. I’ve frequently cited the words he sang in “Working Class Hero” because they make the most salient point concerning our devastated economy: “A working class hero is something to be/Keep you doped...

Raping the Bill of Rights

Much to my dismay, I saw little notice, let alone celebrations, around the country on the recent 221st anniversary of the Bill of Rights. Those initial ten amendments to the Constitution guarantee our most essential individual liberties. But on the occasion the Wall Street Journal ran “U.S. Terrorism Agency to Tap a Vast Database of...

Asshole of the Month: Mark R. Levin

This month’s addition to the asinine shitpile has such a twisted idea of patriotism, he’d sue the government if it tried to regulate fireworks that backfired on kids. As president of the notorious Landmark Legal Foundation, Mark R. Levin has positioned himself as the new ideologue behind the conservative push for a new hard-right, antiliberal,...

Outsourcing Torture

If you are the least bit squeamish, don’t read “Globalizing Torture: CIA Secret Detention and Extraordinary Rendition,” an Open Society Justice Initiative report published by the Open Society Foundations. The OSF was established by philanthropist George Soros, one of the handful of the super rich still guided by a moral compass. Soros was a Hungarian...

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