“Not now! I’m writing my Republican family values speech!”
“Not now! I’m writing my Republican family values speech!”...
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“But, Father, if those type of women are going to hell, won’t that make hell a lot more heavenly?”
“But, Father, if those type of women are going to hell, won’t that make hell a lot more heavenly?”...
“When I told you to get out and find a fucking job, this isn’t the kind of fucking job I was talking about!”
“When I told you to get out and find a fucking job, this isn’t the kind of fucking job I was talking about!”...
“I like the missionary position and the doggy-style position. However, Richard, I do not like the fetal position.”
“I like the missionary position and the doggy-style position. However, Richard, I do not like the fetal position.”...
“Oh, wow! Jesus Christ, my Lord and personal savior, appearing before me in all His glory! Could you come back in ten minutes?”
“Oh, wow! Jesus Christ, my Lord and personal savior, appearing before me in all His glory! Could you come back in ten minutes?”...
Let’s see—no murders, no adultery, no lying or stealing…
“Let’s see—no murders, no adultery, no lying or stealing… Wait! What’s this?You voted for Trump in 2016? You go to hell, asshole!”...
“Barkeep, I’ll have what he’s having!”
“Barkeep, I’ll have what he’s having!”...
“You’re Republican. I’m Democrat. But look—finally we’re doing something bipartisan!”
“You’re Republican. I’m Democrat. But look—finally we’re doing something bipartisan!“...
Glory, Glory Hallelujah
Hold up: Did the queer community just save sex? We take you now to New York, where this summer health authorities attempted to provide useful information on how to have safe(r) sex as the city continued to battle a pandemic. Specifically, they suggested that New Yorkers explore new sexual avenues, including “physical barriers, like walls,...
Such a Good Girl
A tool is only useful in the hands of someone who knows how to use it. Anyone can post nudes to OnlyFans, but it takes creativity and entrepreneurial instincts to translate sex into revenue. And it’s not about being “hot,” whatever the hell that means. No, knowing your audience and knowing what people want separate...
Google Goes Rogue
Ah, porn, the great equalizer. Maybe your parents stumbled upon your search history or a partner walked in on you climaxing to granny porn—mortifying. In theory, one might feel empathy for someone who finds themselves in this position. But for others it’s unfiltered schadenfreude. Suffer, motherfucker. And so we find ourselves laughing uncontrollably at the...
Double Your Pleasure
Every sport has its impossible move. In figure skating, it’s the quad jump. In diving, it’s a reverse 4½ somersault in the pike position. And in the wide world of bedroom gymnastics: the fabled DP. As to the latter, you need not be an Olympian to achieve this hallowed feat (though strength, flexibility and coordination...
A senior citizen took his wife to be tested….
A senior citizen took his wife to be tested. Two days later he got a call from the doctor. “I’m sorry to inform you that your wife’s test results were mixed up with another patient’s,” the doctor said. “We’re not sure if she has COVID-19 or Alzheimer’s disease.” “So what am I supposed to do?”...
Throuples, Rejoice!
Call us crazy, but we here in the HUSTLER newsroom are getting the distinct impression that polyamory is going mainstream. Granted, Will and Jada kind of imploded, but that doesn’t mean that the rest of us aren’t ready to test out the sweet, once-taboo waters of consensual monmonogamy. And one town is stepping up in...
Hey, babe, does this shirt make me look like Melania Trump?
“Hey, babe, does this shirt make me look like Melania Trump?”...
Sex Work Is Work!
This pandemic shit is hard enough as it is without government, law enforcement, landlords and the rest of the oppressors making it even tougher for hardworking people to get through the day. And no one is getting the short end of the COVID stick quite like sex workers, locked in a vicious catch-22 that threatens...
Don’t worry. You’re not suffering from dementia.
“Don’t worry. You’re not suffering from dementia. A lot of people can’t remember what America was like before that stupid fucker Donald Trump was President.”...
Disaster… deaths… depression… injustice…
“Disaster…deaths…depression…injustice…despair…doom. Can’t they talk about something other than my Presidency?!”...
Hey, now this is a great party game!
“Hey, now this is a great party game!”...
Let me call you back. I’m getting ready to play the third hole.
“Let me call you back. I’m getting ready to play the third hole.”...
Sometimes I’m really sorry we got a watchdog.
“Sometimes I’m really sorry we got a watchdog.”...
A married man stepped into a confessional booth…
A married man stepped into a confessional booth one Saturday afternoon. “Father, it has been a month since my last confession,” he admitted, “and I had sex with Nookie Green twice since then.” The priest told the sinner, “You are forgiven. Go and say three Hail Marys.” A few minutes later another married guy entered...
Hey…my wife and my best friend!
“Hey…my wife and my best friend!”...
Chet went to his doctor’s office to get a double dose of Viagra…
Chet went to his doctor’s office to get a double dose of Viagra, but the doc told him that he couldn’t allow a double dose. “Why not?” Chet snarled. “Because it’s not safe,” the doctor cautioned. “But I need it really bad,” Chet insisted. “Why do you need a double dose so badly?” the doctor...
While shooting the shit…
While shooting the shit, a young man told his new friend, “I think my wife is cheating on me.” “What gave you that idea?” the other guy asked. “We moved from New York to L.A. and still have the same deliver boy.”...
