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humor

Pandemic Penis

Apologies for trotting out this old chestnut, but too much of a good thing is not always a good thing. Manhandling your penis should be kind of like how you treat alcohol: in moderation it’s fine, but if you down a bottle of tequila every day, then you are 100% going to die. Granted, death...
humor

A man went into a store…

A man went into a store and asked a salesclerk, “In what aisle can I find Polish sausage?” The clerk replied, “Are you Polish?” Clearly offended, the customer said: “Yes, I am, but let me ask you something. If I had asked about salami, would you have asked me if I was Italian? Or if...
humor

A guy walked into a crowded bar. Waving an uholstered pistol…

A guy walked into a crowded bar. Waving an unholstered pistol, he yelled, “This is a .45-caliber Colt 1911 with a seven-round magazine, plus a slug in the chamber and I wanted to know who’s been sleeping with my wife!” A voice from the back of the bar called out, “You’re gonna need more ammo!”...
humor

Just as a dentist leaned over a female patient…

Just as a dentist leaned over a female patient to begin working on a tooth, he was startled. “Excuse me, miss,” he gasped, “but those are my testicles you’re holding.” “I know,” the gal replied sweetly. “So let’s be careful not to hurt each other, okay?”...
humor

A big-time executive came home and said to his wife…

A big-time executive came home and said to his wife, “I’ve been so busy, I don’t know if I’m coming or going.” The missus told him, “By the look on your face, you’re going. When you’re coming, you look like a stroke victim trying to whistle.”...
humor

Teste Taste Test

Look, we’re all grown-ups here (unless we’re not, in which case, put this magazine back in your dad’s bedside drawer). Our bodies are our own, and you have the right to do whatever youwant with them, societal taboos de damned. We eat our boogers, we taste our sweat, we take joy in popping blackheads—sure, it’s...
humor

Glory, Glory Hallelujah

Hold up: Did the queer community just save sex? We take you now to New York, where this summer health authorities attempted to provide useful information on how to have safe(r) sex as the city continued to battle a pandemic. Specifically, they suggested that New Yorkers explore new sexual avenues, including “physical barriers, like walls,...
humor

Such a Good Girl

A tool is only useful in the hands of someone who knows how to use it. Anyone can post nudes to OnlyFans, but it takes creativity and entrepreneurial instincts to translate sex into revenue. And it’s not about being “hot,” whatever the hell that means. No, knowing your audience and knowing what people want separate...
humor

Google Goes Rogue

Ah, porn, the great equalizer. Maybe your parents stumbled upon your search history or a partner walked in on you climaxing to granny porn—mortifying. In theory, one might feel empathy for someone who finds themselves in this position. But for others it’s unfiltered schadenfreude. Suffer, motherfucker. And so we find ourselves laughing uncontrollably at the...
humor

Double Your Pleasure

Every sport has its impossible move. In figure skating, it’s the quad jump. In diving, it’s a reverse 4½ somersault in the pike position. And in the wide world of bedroom gymnastics: the fabled DP. As to the latter, you need not be an Olympian to achieve this hallowed feat (though strength, flexibility and coordination...

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