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A newly married sailor was informed by the Navy that he’d be stationed on a remote island in the Pacific for a year.
A newly married sailor was informed by the Navy that he’d be stationed on a remote island in the Pacific for a year. Tearfully he and his bride parted. Soon the sailor began to miss the love of his life, so he wrote her a letter: “We are going to be separated for a long...
Beaver Fever Hits HUSTLER Hollywood
Colorado isn’t typically known for its warm winters, but it was plenty hot in Colorado Springs on January 31, as HUSTLER Hollywood opened its new store. The reason behind the unseasonably hot temperature? The presence of Ryan Taylor, HUSTLER’s 2020 Beaver of the Year. Taylor, who resides in Denver, was on hand to meet fans...
China’s Iron Fist Softens
As the world grapples with the prospect of a coronavirus pandemic, we are getting word from deep inside Chinese borders that government officials—in a fit of unbridled benevolence—seem to be easing up restrictions on porn as a way of helping people deal with this very unpleasant situation. Yes, you read that right: China is freeing...
Find Your Funny Bone
Giant dinosaurs, gorgeous architecture and a thriving arts scene are just a few of the perks to visiting Palm Springs, arguably California’s best-kept secret. And while this inland gem is often overshadowed by a certain music festival that shall remain nameless, the city is fastbecoming a hub for solid, all-killer-no-filler comedy and stand-up. Screw the...
The Art of the Nude Selfie
Sex workers are multitalented, especially when it comes to photography. Face it: Your favorite cam model is not flanked by an army of stylists; she’s doing this all on her own and looking drop-dead sexy in the process. For her, taking a perfect selfie is so much more than point, shoot and post—this is her...
Kink-Friendly Digs
The modern sharing economy is…complicated. On the one hand, I should be able to do whatever the hell I want with my car or home. On the other hand, the near complete absence of regulation makes it a legit concern for neighbors and women who don’t want to be sexually harassed by their uber-creepy driver....
Virginia Is for Lovers
Every state has their embarrassing legal relics—you know, those antiquated laws that are still somehow on the books today, leaving police to wonder, Am I really supposed to arrest this guy for cheating on his wife? (a felony in Michigan). This month we focus on Virginia, where legislators took a real lulu off the books....
“Isn’t it the law that my political opponent has to get equal time?”
“Isn’t it the law that my political opponent has to get equal time?”...
“You stand in stark contrast to everything that is good and decent. When can you start?!”
“You stand in stark contrast to everything that is good and decent. When can you start?!”...
“You weren’t a child of love. You were a child of ‘Bend over, bitch. I’m fucking you from behind!'”
“You weren’t a child of love. You were a child of ‘Bend over, bitch. I’m fucking you from behind!'”...
“The drinks cost the same. We just don’t talk about Trump.”
“The drinks cost the same. We just don’t talk about Trump.”...
“Unfortunately, your arteries are harder than your erections.”
“Unfortunately, your arteries are harder than your erections.”...
“The prick never pays any attention to me anymore cuz he’s always jerkin’ off to computer porn!”
“The prick never pays any attention to me anymore cuz he’s always jerkin’ off to computer porn!”...
“To tell you the truth, I’m more interested in older men.”
“To tell you the truth, I’m more interested in older men.”...
“That’s what he ordered for his last meal.”
“That’s what he ordered for his last meal.”...
“‘Thou shalt not kill’?! ‘Thou shalt not bear false witness’?!! ‘Thou shalt not commit adultery’?! You can’t run a government like that!!!”
“‘Thou shalt not kill’?! ‘Thou shalt not bear false witness’?!! ‘Thou shalt not commit adultery’?! You can’t run a government like that!!!”...
I don’t recognize the legitimacy of this federal government, but…
“I don’t recognize the legitimacy of this federal government, but they better not fuck with my Medicare and Social Security check!”...
Sign O’ the Times
We here at HUSTLER are fascinated by the sex lives of the British. Under the covers, they’re just so unabashed and raunchy, and yet outwardly everything appears so proper, perhaps due to those years of living under the chaste yolk of a strict monarchy. Anyway, a recently revealed scandal was just too cute not to...
Porn Goes Viral
If art is society’s mirror, then that goes double for porn in times of calamity. Like clockwork, we are already seeing the emergence of COVID-19-themed porn, and as you may have already guessed, it’s a bit weird. On the one hand, people are dying and this is a global crisis with no precedent in the...
A Hustler’s Always Prepared
We get it—you’re fed up. All you see and hear is coronavirus this, COVID-19 that, recession, Armageddon, blah blah blah. But this is important, so listen up, because HUSTLER cares about you. To quote the Bard, the readiness is all. But not all the toilet paper and hand sanitizer in the world will save you...
Marriage is all about semantics
“Marriage is all about semantics. Once they say ‘I do,’ it means ‘I don’t.’”...
While lying in bed one evening, a farmer was reading…
While lying in bed one evening, a farmer was reading, and his wife was knitting. The farmer looked up from the page of an animal-husbandry magazine and said, “Did you know that humans are the only species whose females achieve orgasm?” His wife looked at him wistfully, smiled and responded, “Oh, yeah? Prove it.” The...
Big Love, Small Package
In this age of fake news and Russian Twitter bots, one would certainly be forgiven for casting doubt on this totally legitimate news story. So please, try to keep an open mind as we attempt to explain Dinky One, the new dating site for guys with small dicks. Forget for a moment how derogatory the...
Just to lighten things up, I decided to begin…
“Just to lighten things up, I decided to begin tonight’s address with a little joke…”...
