“When President Trump is gone, he’s going to leave some big shoes to fill…”
“When President Trump is gone, he’s going to leave some big shoes to fill…”...
Bits & Pieces
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“Sometimes I ask myself, ‘What would Larry Flynt do?’”
“Sometimes I ask myself, ‘What would Larry Flynt do?’”...
“Hey, partner—I just got here, and I have looked everywhere! Where are the hookers?!”
“Hey, partner—I just got here, and I have looked everywhere! Where are the hookers?!”...
“I didn’t forget our anniversary. I’m having sex, aren’t I?”
“I didn’t forget our anniversary. I’m having sex, aren’t I?”...
“Of course you’re depressed. Donald Trump has stolen all of your best material.”
“Of course you’re depressed. Donald Trump has stolen all of your best material.”...
“In my professional opinion, a relationship is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably shit.”
“In my professional opinion, a relationship is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably shit.”...
“Dude, your daughter gets, like, super wet. Can I borrow a couple towels for my van?”
“Dude, your daughter gets, like, super wet. Can I borrow a couple towels for my van?”...
A bartender was getting ready to close for the evening when a man burst in and pulled out a gun.
A bartender was getting ready to close for the evening when a man burst in and pulled out a gun. “This is a robbery!” the intruder yelled. “Put all your money in a bag!” “Don’t shoot me!” the barkeep pleaded. “I’ll do whatever you say.” He stuffed all the money from the cash register into...
“Send that motherfucker Trump in—I’ve been waiting for him.”
“Send that motherfucker Trump in—I’ve been waiting for him.”...
“You know you’re getting old when you start having dry dreams and wet farts.”
“You know you’re getting old when you start having dry dreams and wet farts.”...
“You’re a loyal Republican, Vernon. Just vote how you always do…out of hate, greed, bigotry and intolerance!”
“You’re a loyal Republican, Vernon. Just vote how you always do…out of hate, greed, bigotry and intolerance!”...
“God is an imaginary friend of grown-ups.”
“God is an imaginary friend of grown-ups.”...
A man was talking to his son, who was about to graduate from high school.
A man was talking to his son, who was about to graduate from high school. “Do you want to go to college?” “No,” the boy replied, ‘I want to be a pizza delivery guy or a plumber.” His dad yelped, “Stop watching porn, son!”...
A 93-year-old man met a 79-year-old woman
A 93-year-old man met a 79-year-old woman at the senior center, and they ended up in bed. Three days later he noticed that his dick was developing a drip, so he decided to have a checkup. “Have you recently engaged in sex?” the doctor inquired. “As a matter of fact I have,” the 93-year-old proudly...
“He had money, a beautiful wife and a couple of hot pieces of ass on the side. How can they say he’s in a better place?”
“He had money, a beautiful wife and a couple of hot pieces of ass on the side. How can they say he’s in a better place?”...
“See! I knew I could unify this country!”
“See! I knew I could unify this country!”...
A newly married sailor was informed by the Navy that he’d be stationed on a remote island in the Pacific for a year.
A newly married sailor was informed by the Navy that he’d be stationed on a remote island in the Pacific for a year. Tearfully he and his bride parted. Soon the sailor began to miss the love of his life, so he wrote her a letter: “We are going to be separated for a long...
Beaver Fever Hits HUSTLER Hollywood
Colorado isn’t typically known for its warm winters, but it was plenty hot in Colorado Springs on January 31, as HUSTLER Hollywood opened its new store. The reason behind the unseasonably hot temperature? The presence of Ryan Taylor, HUSTLER’s 2020 Beaver of the Year. Taylor, who resides in Denver, was on hand to meet fans...
China’s Iron Fist Softens
As the world grapples with the prospect of a coronavirus pandemic, we are getting word from deep inside Chinese borders that government officials—in a fit of unbridled benevolence—seem to be easing up restrictions on porn as a way of helping people deal with this very unpleasant situation. Yes, you read that right: China is freeing...
Find Your Funny Bone
Giant dinosaurs, gorgeous architecture and a thriving arts scene are just a few of the perks to visiting Palm Springs, arguably California’s best-kept secret. And while this inland gem is often overshadowed by a certain music festival that shall remain nameless, the city is fastbecoming a hub for solid, all-killer-no-filler comedy and stand-up. Screw the...
The Art of the Nude Selfie
Sex workers are multitalented, especially when it comes to photography. Face it: Your favorite cam model is not flanked by an army of stylists; she’s doing this all on her own and looking drop-dead sexy in the process. For her, taking a perfect selfie is so much more than point, shoot and post—this is her...
Kink-Friendly Digs
The modern sharing economy is…complicated. On the one hand, I should be able to do whatever the hell I want with my car or home. On the other hand, the near complete absence of regulation makes it a legit concern for neighbors and women who don’t want to be sexually harassed by their uber-creepy driver....
Virginia Is for Lovers
Every state has their embarrassing legal relics—you know, those antiquated laws that are still somehow on the books today, leaving police to wonder, Am I really supposed to arrest this guy for cheating on his wife? (a felony in Michigan). This month we focus on Virginia, where legislators took a real lulu off the books....
