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“We here at KLFP are not going to insult your intelligence! We know you can always tune in to Fox News for that!”

“We here at KLFP are not going to insult your intelligence! We know you can always tune in to Fox News for that!”...

humor

“Hey! Listen up, all you motherfuckers! If you are thinking about fucking my wife, you’d better wear a rubber! I’m getting sick and tired of feeding a bunch of kids that ain’t mine!”

humor

“Now, boy, you’re to treat everybody as equals ‘cept for ya niggers, ya wetbacks and ya homosexuals.”

“Now, boy, you’re to treat everybody as equals ‘cept for ya niggers, ya wetbacks and ya homosexuals.”...

humor

“You’re a pervert, always reading that HUSTLER trash, filled with sluts and tramps doing who knows what. Why do you read that filth?” “The girls are pretty, and the only thing they open are their legs.”

humor

It’s not easy being a McDonald’s franchise owner. Between slumping sales and the imminent transition to a plant-based menu, the brand is struggling to remain relevant in an age where the popularity of colon-clogging death sludge is on the wane. In Japan the chain has taken drastic—some would argue desperate— steps to attract consumers, from...

humor

“Sean Hannity may be the face of Fox News, but he’s the ass of the world.”

“Sean Hannity may be the face of Fox News, but he’s the ass of the world.”...

humor

“I’m sorry, babe! I thought I told you about her! Somehow it must have slipped my mind!”

humor

“So what do we do when we can’t say anything nice about someone?” “Same as the President does…tweet about them!”

humor

“I can murder an Iranian general at the Baghdad airport and not lose any voters!”

humor

“What’s President Trump been doing since he was acquitted?” “Randomly shooting people on 5th Avenue.”

humor

A sexually active woman

A sexually active woman told her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment, she insisted that the procedure be kept a secret, and the surgeon agreed. After the operation the woman awoke from the anesthesia and found three roses carefully placed...

humor

Extreme sexual exhaustion

As Professor Anderson was wrapping up class, he reminded his students about their final exam. “There will be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow,” he sternly warned, “barring a serious medical condition or the death of a family member.” A smartass male student stood up and asked, “What about extreme sexual exhaustion?” The entire...

humor

“Responding today to rumors about his effeminate manner and possible homosexuality, Republican Senator Lindsey Graham stated to reporters, ‘It is nobody else’s business what goes on in the privacy of my own butthole!'”

“Responding today to rumors about his effeminate manner and possible homosexuality, Republican Senator Lindsey Graham stated to reporters, ‘It is nobody else’s business what goes on in the privacy of my own butthole!'”...

humor

First Contact

Secret shame no more! If ever you’ve fantasized about the sweet caress of a Martian digit as it prepares your anal probe, you’re not alone. Like, the opposite of alone…you’re in very good company, so much so that some people are wondering what to make of it all. The truth is out there, and it cums in peace. Purveyors of...

humor

Boobs Save Koala Bears!

One billion animals dead. Over 12 million acres of land up in flames. The Australia wildfires, still burning at press time, have caused untold destruction and suffering. So when the government was slow to step in, sex workers endeavored to teach the world a lesson in compassion and direct action. Models have been leveraging their...

humor

Practice What You Preach

Okay, it’s no bombshell reveal that the South, with all its finger-wagging and moral hooha, is just as horny as the rest of us, but it’s always worth revisiting this factoid with due regularity, if only to remind the hypocrites that they have no fucking business telling people what they can or cannot do with...

humor

When Goat-Napping Goes Wrong

First things first, be assured that this story ends up okay…unless you count one man’s crippling meth addiction. And his even more crippling bad judgment. Or the tattered remains of his friendship with a goat who shall remain nameless. We’ll start at the beginning. While the rest of us were sleeping off our New Year’s...

humor

(Sensitive) Studs For Hire

You don’t hear as much lore and chatter about male escorts because, let’s face it, most women don’t have to try as hard to get laid. That’s not to say that there is anything wrong with women who choose to pay for sex, the benefits of which are numerous (it’s so nice when they don’t...

humor

Pardon me, sir

A man in his 40s and a younger woman were having a romantic dinner in an upscale restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands. While taking an order at another table, the waitress noticed the woman slowly sliding down her chair, but the man didn’t seem to notice. He was staring...

humor

Mental asylum

While being evaluated at a mental asylum, a new patient asked a psychiatrist, “How do you determine if a person needs to be institutionalized?” The shrink responded, “First we fill up a bathtub and offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket. Then we ask the patient to empty the bathtub.” “I guess I won’t...

humor