Bits & Pieces
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A woman
A woman pregnant with triplets was caught in the crossfire at a bank robbery and shot three times in her belly. Saying it was too risky to operate, the doctor chose not to remove the bullets. Sixteen years later one of the girl triplets went crying to her mother. “What’s wrong?” the mom asked. “I was...
“You know, you’re not doing a hell of a lot for my confidence!”
“You know, you’re not doing a hell of a lot for my confidence!”...
Sub Seeks Master
Kink dating is anything but simple or straightforward. Think of it this way: You love sushi. Like, the good stuff, the really good stuff: razor clams, uni and hamachi so fresh, it was swimming happily only moments before hitting your plate. Now, let’s say you want to meet someone who not only shares your love...
Real Talk: Anal Sex Edition
Like oysters or CrossFit, anal sex isn’t for everyone. Those who love it love it, while others are cool to the concept either by virtue of a bad experience, fear or simple personal preference. All this considered, it’s important to approach butt play with an open mind. For now we’re focused on the female perspective...
“Relax, rookie–it’s just one of the perks of the job!”
“Relax, rookie–it’s just one of the perks of the job!”...
“I’m not responsible for the white supremacists acting up. It was that nigger President before me that got these fine folks all riled up.”
“I’m not responsible for the white supremacists acting up. It was that nigger President before me that got these fine folks all riled up.”...
“You believe in climate change, where everything is theoretically hotter. I believe in spouse change, where everything is definitely hotter!”
“You believe in climate change, where everything is theoretically hotter. I believe in spouse change, where everything is definitely hotter!”...
A man
A man approached a gorgeous woman in a bar with the line, “Do you want to hear a joke about my johnson? Never mind. It’s too long.” “Do you want to hear one about my pussy?” the woman retorted. “Never mind. You’ll never get it.”...
Chew Toys
Face it: Dogs and cats, while intelligent in their own right, are either unable or unwilling to distinguish between a shoe and a dildo. And while animals are by no means inherently naughty (except when the little fuckers shit in your shoe), you may want to err on the side of caution and consider keeping...
“Your father found a porno of you online getting gangbanged by five men, and you were completely naked. Who said you could get a tattoo on your ass, young lady?!”
“Your father found a porno of you online getting gangbanged by five men, and you were completely naked. Who said you could get a tattoo on your ass, young lady?!”...
Late one night
Late one night a police officer was patrolling a desolate area popular with young couples doing more than just sitting in the dark. Catching his attention was a couple in a car with the interior light on. Moving closer, the cop could see a young man behind the steering wheel reading a newspaper. In the backseat...
“You are one sick fucker, Ed!”
“You are one sick fucker, Ed!”...
The Future of Male Contraception
You know what? Let’s forego the pithy setup and puns—you deserve the facts and just the facts. And as moments of reckoning go, it doesn’t get much more “real” than sticking a hypodermic in your dick to prevent an unwanted outbreak of babies. Welcome to the future of birth control, lads. Time to strap in...
“We should hold Russia’s elections in the USA, where we can totally control them.”
“We should hold Russia’s elections in the USA, where we can totally control them.”...
Senior Citizens
Senior citizens Jerry and Frida were engaging in oral sex. “I can’t stay down here much longer,” Jerry muttered. “Your pussy stinks.” “It’s my arthritis,” Frida said. “Arthritis in your pussy?!” Jerry bellowed. “No!” Frida yelled back. “The arthritis is in my shoulder. I can’t wipe my ass.”...
No Meat, More Heat
The baseless belief that eating meat is somehow synonymous with strength and virility is being turned on its ear in a new Netflix documentary that extols the many virtues of a plant-based diet. But as to the latter, can eating vegan really add extra oomph in the bedroom? Or, like a bowl of steamed quinoa,...
“I’m not playing, Toby–let go! Bad dog!”
“I’m not playing, Toby–let go! Bad dog!”...
“Go ahead and leave, Maureen— but the fisting dildo stays!”
“Go ahead and leave, Maureen— but the fisting dildo stays!”...
“Where do babies come from? Well, son, they come from a big, dark, hairy, smelly place.”
“Where do babies come from? Well, son, they come from a big, dark, hairy, smelly place.”...
