Bits & Pieces
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“I’m not responsible for the white supremacists acting up. It was that nigger President before me that got these fine folks all riled up.”
“I’m not responsible for the white supremacists acting up. It was that nigger President before me that got these fine folks all riled up.”...
“You believe in climate change, where everything is theoretically hotter. I believe in spouse change, where everything is definitely hotter!”
“You believe in climate change, where everything is theoretically hotter. I believe in spouse change, where everything is definitely hotter!”...
A man
A man approached a gorgeous woman in a bar with the line, “Do you want to hear a joke about my johnson? Never mind. It’s too long.” “Do you want to hear one about my pussy?” the woman retorted. “Never mind. You’ll never get it.”...
Chew Toys
Face it: Dogs and cats, while intelligent in their own right, are either unable or unwilling to distinguish between a shoe and a dildo. And while animals are by no means inherently naughty (except when the little fuckers shit in your shoe), you may want to err on the side of caution and consider keeping...
“Your father found a porno of you online getting gangbanged by five men, and you were completely naked. Who said you could get a tattoo on your ass, young lady?!”
“Your father found a porno of you online getting gangbanged by five men, and you were completely naked. Who said you could get a tattoo on your ass, young lady?!”...
Late one night
Late one night a police officer was patrolling a desolate area popular with young couples doing more than just sitting in the dark. Catching his attention was a couple in a car with the interior light on. Moving closer, the cop could see a young man behind the steering wheel reading a newspaper. In the backseat...
“You are one sick fucker, Ed!”
“You are one sick fucker, Ed!”...
The Future of Male Contraception
You know what? Let’s forego the pithy setup and puns—you deserve the facts and just the facts. And as moments of reckoning go, it doesn’t get much more “real” than sticking a hypodermic in your dick to prevent an unwanted outbreak of babies. Welcome to the future of birth control, lads. Time to strap in...
“We should hold Russia’s elections in the USA, where we can totally control them.”
“We should hold Russia’s elections in the USA, where we can totally control them.”...
Senior Citizens
Senior citizens Jerry and Frida were engaging in oral sex. “I can’t stay down here much longer,” Jerry muttered. “Your pussy stinks.” “It’s my arthritis,” Frida said. “Arthritis in your pussy?!” Jerry bellowed. “No!” Frida yelled back. “The arthritis is in my shoulder. I can’t wipe my ass.”...
No Meat, More Heat
The baseless belief that eating meat is somehow synonymous with strength and virility is being turned on its ear in a new Netflix documentary that extols the many virtues of a plant-based diet. But as to the latter, can eating vegan really add extra oomph in the bedroom? Or, like a bowl of steamed quinoa,...
“I’m not playing, Toby–let go! Bad dog!”
“I’m not playing, Toby–let go! Bad dog!”...
“Go ahead and leave, Maureen— but the fisting dildo stays!”
“Go ahead and leave, Maureen— but the fisting dildo stays!”...
“Where do babies come from? Well, son, they come from a big, dark, hairy, smelly place.”
“Where do babies come from? Well, son, they come from a big, dark, hairy, smelly place.”...
“At first I thought hell was great, but all you get are Trump’s Twitter feeds.”
“At first I thought hell was great, but all you get are Trump’s Twitter feeds.”...
“After the revelation that you were in a porno movie, the school board has no choice but to fire you from your teaching position. But before you go, would you sign our copies?”
“After the revelation that you were in a porno movie, the school board has no choice but to fire you from your teaching position. But before you go, would you sign our copies?”...
“President Trump today says he’s doing the work of two men…”
“President Trump today says he’s doing the work of two men…”...
2019 Was a Good Year for Sex
We live in a golden age of entertainment. Say what you will about the endless barrage of crappy remakes, superhero movie after superhero movie and the living nightmare that is Star Wars fandom, when you look past the noise and the flash, there are no shortage of amazing, challenging and innovative offerings to capture your...
“Goddamn! Who’s a girl got to fuck to get a promotion around this sorry-ass place?!”
“Goddamn! Who’s a girl got to fuck to get a promotion around this sorry-ass place?!”...
Two geezers
Two geezers, lifelong bachelors Sam and Gerard, were sitting on a park bench. As they were shooting the shit, several sexy female joggers passed by. They got Sam’s attention. “So how’s your sex life these days?” he asked. “Nothing special,” Gerard admitted. “I’m having what’s known as Social Security sex.” “Social Security sex?” Sam repeated,...
