Bits & Pieces
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“Hahaha…and those assholes thought it was Russia I colluded with!”
“Hahaha…and those assholes thought it was Russia I colluded with!”...
“You’re sitting on his water bowl.”
“You’re sitting on his water bowl.”...
“Just one more question, sir. Would you like a dollar of your taxes to go to neutering Ivanka Trump?”
“Just one more question, sir. Would you like a dollar of your taxes to go to neutering Ivanka Trump?”...
“My wife says I’m a lousy lover. I’d like a second opinion.”
“My wife says I’m a lousy lover. I’d like a second opinion.”...
“Abraham Lincoln predicted my Presidency when he said, ‘You can fool some of the people all of the time!’ God bless you, Republican base.”
“Abraham Lincoln predicted my Presidency when he said, ‘You can fool some of the people all of the time!’ God bless you, Republican base.”...
“Good evening, Senator! Yes, sir, you’ll find porn on channels 34 through 46!”
“Good evening, Senator! Yes, sir, you’ll find porn on channels 34 through 46!”...
Simon was almost 70 and unable to perform sexually.
Simon was almost 70 and unable to perform sexually. For several months he went to his doctor, who tried a few things, but none worked. As a last resort, the M.D. referred Simon to an African witch doctor. “I can cure your problem,” the witch doctor assured him. He threw some white powder into a flame,...
Kim and her blond friend Rhonda
Kim and her blond friend Rhonda were having lunch when Kim said, “You don’t look very well today.” “I’ve got a bit of a sore throat,” Rhonda disclosed, “and it hurts like hell.” “I know a brilliant remedy!” Kim exclaimed. “Every time I get a sore throat, I give my husband a really good blowjob, and...
“Don’t you love rolling in mud and garbage?! I’m as happy as a Republican!”
“Don’t you love rolling in mud and garbage?! I’m as happy as a Republican!”...
“Wait a minute–I know her! She’ll fuck both of us!”
“Wait a minute–I know her! She’ll fuck both of us!”...
A nurse, worn out after her night shift at a hospital emergency room
A nurse, worn out after her night shift at a hospital emergency room, walked into a bank. Needing some cash, she pulled a rectal thermometer out of her purse and began to write a check with it. When she realized what was in her hand, she looked at the flabbergasted teller. Without missing a beat, the...
“I’ve been away on business for two weeks, and I miss my wife. Could you bitch at me and then lie still like you’re dead while we have sex?”
“I’ve been away on business for two weeks, and I miss my wife. Could you bitch at me and then lie still like you’re dead while we have sex?”...
A very old woman named Agnes was walking through the park
A very old woman named Agnes was walking through the park one afternoon when she heard a voice croak, “Pick me up. Pick me up.” She looked around and saw a frog squatting near her feet. “Why should I pick you up?” Agnes asked. “You’re a frog.” “That’s true,” the frog admitted, “but if you...
Question: What do you call a teenage boy who says he doesn’t masturbate?
Question: What do you call a teenage boy who says he doesn’t masturbate? Answer: A liar....
“Hey, watch it, cowboy! You’re riding up the wrong canyon, partner!”
“Hey, watch it, cowboy! You’re riding up the wrong canyon, partner!”...
“Here, son—I’m doubling your allowance so you can afford better pussy.”
“Here, son—I’m doubling your allowance so you can afford better pussy.”...
Group Masturbation: The Healing Touch?
In this age of steamed vaginas and Goop, no manner of new age hoo-ha should come as a surprise anymore. Rejuvenating beluga placenta facial mask? Here’s my credit card number! But it’s not fair to generalize; yes, Gwyneth Paltrow is a dangerous charlatan, but sometimes a lady needs to rub her bean in a roomful...
“The pharmacy won’t deliver unless we order a case of butt lube.”
“The pharmacy won’t deliver unless we order a case of butt lube.”...
Celeb Skin: Stars Who Stripped
Move over J.Lo and company. We’re not interested in celebrities doing impressions of strippers—we want the real thing. And none of that Hollywood burlesque nonsense either. It’s pole or nothing as HUSTLER recaps the famous faces and bodies you mayor may not have known to dabble in the erotic arts. Let’s get the obvious stuff...
Angela White Does HUSTLER Hollywood
How better to spend your Friday night than in the presence of porn royalty? HUSTLER Hollywood’s Sunset Boulevard location was recently packed with eager fans as XXX superstar Angela White dropped in to press the flesh and sign autographs for her loving followers. The event brought White devotees to HUSTLER Hollywood en masse. The first...
The Kominsky Method Loves Amber Lynn
Fans of the Netflix comedy The Kominsky Method, which returned for its second season on October 25, received an extra-special treat as they caught up with Sandy Kominsky, Norman Newlander—and a classic HUSTLER pictorial. Eagle-eyed enthusiasts of the series—and America’s Magazine—likely felt their jaws drop (and their dicks rise) as Episode 5 unfolded and offered...
In Praise of Streaking
Remember the Instagram model who flashed her breasts at Houston Astros pitcher Gerrit Cole during Game 5 of the World Series? Say what you will about this cheap publicity stunt, those boobs are now forever enshrined in history, her perky nipples now part of our collective consciousness/spank bank. But Julia Rose, 25, is hardly the...
