“Hey, is that needle sterile?!”
“Hey, is that needle sterile?!”...
Bits & Pieces
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Maneuver this!
Two hillbillies, brothers Rex and Billy Joe, walked into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talked about their moonshine operation. Suddenly a woman, who was eating a sandwich at a nearby table, began to cough. After a minute or two it became apparent that she was in real distress. Rex looked at...
“Did you or did you not scream at me, ‘You need professional help!’ when you stormed out of here?”
“Did you or did you not scream at me, ‘You need professional help!’ when you stormed out of here?”...
Mad Husband
Mad Husband...
Shhhh, We’re Trying to Have Sex
Lists—this is journalism in the 21st century. In the never-ending quest for click-throughs, likes and upvotes, laziness reigns as we all chase after the lowest common denominator. Case in point: Greatist’s lackluster “advice” for having quiet/discreet sex when there are roommates or even parents in close proximity. I mean, really, guys…do it on the floor?...
Texas Farm Boy
A Texas professor teaching a course on the paranormal introduced himself to his new students. He began by saying, “I’m curious. How many of you believe in ghosts?” About 60 hands shot up. “How many of you have seen a ghost?” was his next question, and about 15 hands went up. “How many of you...
“We had to confiscate your HUSTLER Magazine, sir. It could be rolled up and used to threaten a pilot or flight attendant.”
“We had to confiscate your HUSTLER Magazine, sir. It could be rolled up and used to threaten a pilot or flight attendant.”...
“Get Putin on the phone! I want to know where I can get that radioactive poison he uses to kill journalists!”
“Get Putin on the phone! I want to know where I can get that radioactive poison he uses to kill journalists!”...
“There are known knowns, known unknowns, unknown unknowns, and then there’s dumb shit Trump says.”
“There are known knowns, known unknowns, unknown unknowns, and then there’s dumb shit Trump says.”...
“Now look what you’ve taught him! Both of you, stop flicking boogers at Sean Hannity!”
“Now look what you’ve taught him! Both of you, stop flicking boogers at Sean Hannity!”...
“And that’s tonight’s news. Now for tonight’s rebuttal from Trump.”
“And that’s tonight’s news. Now for tonight’s rebuttal from Trump.”...
“After tying me up, he forced me to perform oral sex, ejaculating in my mouth. Then the bastard up and leaves without fucking me!”
“After tying me up, he forced me to perform oral sex, ejaculating in my mouth. Then the bastard up and leaves without fucking me!”...
“Your aptitude tests suggest you could be an exceptional crack whore.”
“Your aptitude tests suggest you could be an exceptional crack whore.”...
“The Republicans decided to actually finish destroying what’s left of the middle class today. Film at 11.”
“The Republicans decided to actually finish destroying what’s left of the middle class today. Film at 11.”...
“Which threatens you the most? Muslims, immigrants, nuclear threats or Elizabeth Warren?”
“Which threatens you the most? Muslims, immigrants, nuclear threats or Elizabeth Warren?”...
The Orgy Dome
For the uninitiated, an event like Burning Man assumes an almost larger-than-life mythology. The costumes, the drugs, the desert, the drugs— every story you hear is crazier and more surreal than the one before, but no legend is more fabled than the goings-on inside the enigma that is Burning Man’s Orgy Dome. Well, enigma might...
Guest Service
Some ideas make so much sense that you wonder how no one thought of it sooner. Like KFC’s paradigm-smashing Double Down sandwich, certain pairings are nothing short of perfection— sodium coma notwithstanding. The innovation in question comes courtesy of the hospitality industry, which as of late has stumbled upon the “peanut butter and chocolate” of...
Don’t miss
Question: What do a wedding anniversary, a toilet and a clitoris have in common? Answer: Men always miss them....
The Best Medicine
Guess what? Heart attacks are no fun. But almost dying is no reason to stop living, especially if the path to better health is paved with sweet sex. We recently discovered some surprising advice for heart attack survivors: More—not less—sex is your key to a successful post-cardiac arrest recovery. Whether or not you can get...
Sex Confession
An elderly man went into the confessional and told the priest, “Father, I’m 80 years old, married and have four kids and 11 grandchildren. I started taking those Viagra pills, and last night I had an affair. I made love to two 18-year-old twins.” Cringing, the cleric asked, “When was the last time you had confession?”...
Fire in her Eyes
A child spit out his food, and his mother yelled, “Hey, we don’t spit! If it’s in your mouth, you swallow!” The father stared at his wife with raised eyebrows. She stared back with fire in her eyes and whispered, “Shut the fuck up!”...
Everything Butt
Fan conventions are everywhere these days. From Japanese anime to The Big Lebowski, just about every niche interest imaginable offers some sort of forum for likeminded people to get together and geek out with total abandon. But what if, instead of Game of Thrones, your passion is asses? You’d be shit out of luck—until this...
Sex Workers Tell All
Reddit: Birthplace of memes and home of the greatest off-the-record confessions on the internet. Last time we dipped into the well, it was celeb sex encounters; this time we’re after the funniest and weirdest client encounters, as told by the service providers/escorts/sex workers— in other words, the folks who make life more bearable. The r/AskReddit...
All we did…
A woman sued the hospital where her husband underwent surgery that left him unable to have sex with her anymore. After the woman lost the case, she addressed reporters outside the courthouse. “My husband and I always had great sex,” she recalled, “until he went into that incompetent hospital and had his operation. Now he’s not...
