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Livin’ La Vida In Vitro

Science fiction, you win again. As the dark future nightmares of literature and film steadily manifest into reality, it should come as no surprise that another prophecy may come to be sooner than we think: the end of fucking to make babies. Welcome to sexual dystopia. Stanford University’s Henry T. Greely is sounding the death...

humor

“Well, I can’t wait to hear you try to lie your way out of this one!”

“Well, I can’t wait to hear you try to lie your way out of this one!”...

humor

“President Trump is speaking here tonight…”

“President Trump is speaking here tonight…”...

humor

“Yeah, well, you worship your way—I’ll worship my way!”

“Yeah, well, you worship your way—I’ll worship my way!”...

humor

“I’m sorry for your loss, Mrs. Trump. Can you think of anyone who didn’t have a motive to do it?”

“I’m sorry for your loss, Mrs. Trump. Can you think of anyone who didn’t have a motive to do it?”...

humor

“Handle that with care, girlie—it’s a priceless antique!”

“Handle that with care, girlie—it’s a priceless antique!”...

humor

“And this just in…”

humor

Questions are for…

Questions are for…...

humor

Golf Trump

humor

“I feel like titty-fucking, Edna! Toss ’em over here!”

“I feel like titty-fucking, Edna! Toss ’em over here!”...

humor

I didn’t do it!

I didn’t do it!...

humor

Coregasm

There’s so much information coming at us these days that it’s hard to discern what’s worth retaining. But if you’re going to go to bed with one lasting revelation tonight, then let it be this: 1 in 10 women have accidentally orgasmed while exercising. Having a great beach bod is all well and good, but...

humor

Curious Question

One day a boy asked his father, “What’s the difference between confident and confidential?” His dad replied, “Well, you’re my son. I’m confident about that. Your best friend Jimmy is also my son. That’s confidential.”...

humor

DIY Dildos

Have we finally reached peak “craft”? In the age of crocheted menstrual pads and activist needlepoint, it seems only fitting that homemade sex toys are now a thing. And we’re not talking about repurposed kitchenware or locally grown produce—this is art, and Adele Brydges is here to help bring your vision to life. As reported...

humor

“Damn, woman, I paid for pussy, not a room with a view!”

“Damn, woman, I paid for pussy, not a room with a view!”...

humor

In Praise Of Older Women

You know what the worst thing about the music industry is? The music industry. Leave it to some needle-dick executive with too much power to think that anyone cares what he thinks. It’s what makes the small victories feel all the more satisfying and why singers like Bebe Rexha give us hope for the future...

humor

“I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t made it up myself!”

“I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t made it up myself!”...

humor

Love Quizzes Are Dumb – Take Ours

No one is arguing that to love someone, you need to know someone. And over the course of a marriage, people can drift apart as life chips away at the burning passion that once fueled your fairy-tale romance. While communication and compassion are key, it’s also important to remember that you’re not some basic bitch...

humor

Stable Racist

humor

Condom on Demand

Jane and Arlene were outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it started to rain. Jane pulled out a condom, cut off the tip, put it over her cigarette and continued right on smoking. Arlene raised an eyebrow and cackled, “What in the hell is that?” “It’s called a condom,” Jane explained....

humor

“Hey, is that needle sterile?!”

“Hey, is that needle sterile?!”...

humor

I got a tweet…

humor

Maneuver this!

Two hillbillies, brothers Rex and Billy Joe, walked into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talked about their moonshine operation. Suddenly a woman, who was eating a sandwich at a nearby table, began to cough. After a minute or two it became apparent that she was in real distress. Rex looked at...

humor

“Did you or did you not scream at me, ‘You need professional help!’ when you stormed out of here?”

“Did you or did you not scream at me, ‘You need professional help!’ when you stormed out of here?”...

humor

Mad Husband

Mad Husband...

humor

Shhhh, We’re Trying to Have Sex

Lists—this is journalism in the 21st century. In the never-ending quest for click-throughs, likes and upvotes, laziness reigns as we all chase after the lowest common denominator. Case in point: Greatist’s lackluster “advice” for having quiet/discreet sex when there are roommates or even parents in close proximity. I mean, really, guys…do it on the floor?...

humor

Texas Farm Boy

A Texas professor teaching a course on the paranormal introduced himself to his new students. He began by saying, “I’m curious. How many of you believe in ghosts?” About 60 hands shot up. “How many of you have seen a ghost?” was his next question, and about 15 hands went up. “How many of you...