Bits & Pieces
Articles with unfiltered opinions
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“We’re moving you from intensive care to intensive billing.”
“We’re moving you from intensive care to intensive billing.”...
“I can’t believe how many idiots think the Earth is flat. Then I remember who’s President and all the fucking morons who voted for him, and it all makes sense.”
“I can’t believe how many idiots think the Earth is flat. Then I remember who’s President and all the fucking morons who voted for him, and it all makes sense.”...
“No, no, Mona Lisa! I want calm, mysterious smile!”
“No, no, Mona Lisa! I want calm, mysterious smile!”...
“WOO-EEE! That’s good white lightnin’!”
“WOO-EEE! That’s good white lightnin’!”...
“Can you teach him to lick my balls?”
“Can you teach him to lick my balls?”...
“We sent our son to a Christian gay conversion camp. When he came home, he promised that he was straight…a week later he hanged himself.”
“We sent out son to a Christian gay conversion camp. When he came home, he promised that he was straight…a week later he hanged himself.”...
Broken Thumb
A young female golfer’s tee shot sliced badly and hit a man about to take his own shot from an adjoining hole. He put his hands together between his legs, fell on the ground and rolled around in agony. Being a doctor, the woman rushed over to the guy and offered to relieve his pain....
“Wow, honey, that tattoo does make your dick look huge!”
“Wow, honey, that tattoo does make your dick look huge!”...
“You know what I like about you, Marty? You’re so easy to entertain!”
“You know what I like about you, Marty? You’re so easy to entertain!”...
“Well, look at you all naked and waiting for me!”
“Well, look at you all naked and waiting for me!”...
“I try to be a proper conservative, but my wife believes only godless Democrats need oral sex.”
“I try to be a proper conservative, but my wife believes only godless Democrats need oral sex.”...
Cliff and the Nurse
During a checkup, Cliff bragged to his doctor and a nurse that despite being 80 years old, he could still have sex three times a night. After the doctor left, the nurse said, “I hope I’m not being too forward, but I’d love to have sex with you, sir. Let’s go back to my place.”...
“Well, Mr. Garcia, your paperwork is all in order, and your visa is up-to-date, but I can’t allow you into the country because you’re still a fucking beaner.”
“Well, Mr. Garcia, your paperwork is all in order, and your visa is up-to-date, but I can’t allow you into the country because you’re still a fucking beaner.”...
If You Talk to God
HUSTLER Wisdom: If you talk to God, they say you’re religious. If God talks to you, they call you insane....
Your typical Democratic congressman
He loves to stick his finger up his ass to see which way the wind is blowing....
“There was a young fella named Mitch, who fell madly in love with a bitch.”
“There was a young fella named Mitch, who fell madly in love with a bitch.”...
“I don’t think I’d mind a female President. We’ve had white guys, a black dude and an ignorant, pussy-grabbing, boorish son of a bitch. It couldn’t be any worse than that.”
“I don’t think I’d mind a female President. We’ve had white guys, a black dude and an ignorant, pussy-grabbing, boorish son of a bitch. It couldn’t be any worse than that.”...
Iris and the Pharmacist
Iris dashed into a drugstore and told the pharmacist that she wanted some arsenic. “What for?” he asked. “I want to kill my husband,” Iris replied. “Sorry, I can’t do that,” the pharmacist informed her. Iris quickly reached into her handbag and pulled out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife....
Swinger Down!
We all like to point fingers, but sex isn’t a one-size-fits-all type of thing. What’s normal in Japan may seem weird to us and vice versa. But can we all just pause and mutually acknowledge that British people are into some next-level kink? Not so much extreme as the national obsession with sex and the...
If It Walks Like A Duck…
In July America’s Racist-in-Chief took aim at “The Squad”: Ilhan Omar of Minnesota, Rashida Tlaib of Michigan, Ayanna Pressley of Massachusetts and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez of New York, a quartet of progressive Democrats in Congress who do not back down or abide by politics as usual. Being nonwhite and female, it wasn’t long before the audacity...
She’s Not Heavy
Welcome to the only sporting event that really matters—not even the Super Bowl comes close to capturing the majesty, grandeur and glory of the North American Wife Carrying Championship. Gentlemen, lift your spouses, and take your marks! The 20th edition of this illustrious competition kicks off October 12, and it’s every bit as ludicrous and...
The First Lady of Lumber
In what can only be described as pure nightmare fuel, well-meaning albeit confused Slovenians commemorated homeland hero and Lizard Queen/First Lady Melania Trump with a statue that makes Celoron’s serial killer Lucille Ball look positively angelic by comparison. What Reuters politely describes as “rustic” is in actuality a monument to pagan terror—or so says this...
