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“Oh, I don’t mind starting out at the bottom. I’m sure I’ll be able to fuck my way to the top in no time.”

“Oh, I don’t mind starting out at the bottom. I’m sure I’ll be able to fuck my way to the top in no time.”...

humor

“He asked me out. Sort of. He said, ‘Wanna fuck?’”

“He asked me out. Sort of. He said, ‘Wanna fuck?’”...

humor

“Enough with your finger! I want a big dick!”

“Enough with your finger! I want a big dick!”...

humor

“We think your impotence is job-related. You’re a CEO, and you can’t fuck because there’s no profit in it.”

“We think your impotence is job-related. You’re a CEO, and you can’t fuck because there’s no profit in it.”...

humor

“By the way, all those little boys you fucked…that’ll disappear from your file.”

“By the way, all those little boys you fucked…that’ll disappear from your file.”...

humor

“Is it too late to build a wall?”

“Is it too late to build a wall?”...

humor

“But really what pisses me off is…”

humor

“A man should never touch a woman inappropriately. It’s a lesson I learned the hard way.”

“A man should never touch a woman inappropriately. It’s a lesson I learned the hard way.”...

humor

Celebrating 45 years of fucking fun!

humor

“I love a woman for her mind, as long as she always thinks about sex.”

“I love a woman for her mind, as long as she always thinks about sex.”...

humor

“You can’t remember the date of our anniversary, but you never forget HUSTLER’S Anniversary Issue!”

“You can’t remember the date of our anniversary, but you never forget HUSTLER’S Anniversary Issue!”...

humor

“Senator, there is a call on Line 2 from a Mr. Flynt.”

“Senator, there is a call on Line 2 from a Mr. Flynt.”...

humor

“I can’t believe we’re all in agreement: Larry Flynt has done more to strengthen the First Amendment than John Ashcroft.”

“I can’t believe we’re all in agreement: Larry Flynt has done more to strengthen the First Amendment than John Ashcroft.”...

humor

“Sure, you have a few wires crossed and a couple of screws loose, but other than that, you’re just a plain old pathological liar. ”

humor

“45 years of HUSTLER, Mr. Flynt.”

humor

A sexy speech therapist named Carla was at an impasse with three male stutterers. Deciding it was time for drastic action, she announced, “I’ll give a blowjob to the man who can tell me where he was born without stuttering.” Patrick quickly stood up and said, “B-b-b-boston.” He angrily shook his head and sat down....

humor

Fighting For Peace

HUSTLER WISDOM: Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity. ...

humor

How Do We Know That God Likes Women Better Than Men?

Question: How do we know that God likes women better than men? Answer: Multiple orgasms. ...

humor

Moving to Nevada

A husband walked into the bedroom and found his wife packing a suitcase. “What are you doing?” he asked. “I’m moving to Nevada,” his wife told him. “I heard that prostitutes there get paid $400 for what I’m doing for free! ” Later, before making her getaway, the wife walked back into the bedroom and saw...

humor

Never Laughed at a Patient

The nurse assured Tony, “Of course I won’t laugh. I’m a professional. For 20 years I’ve never laughed at a patient.” “Okay, then,” Tony said as he proceeded to drop his pants and shorts, revealing the tiniest penis the nurse had ever seen. It was the size of a AAA battery. Unable to control herself,...

humor

Judy’s Legs

Judy got married and had 13 children. Her first husband, Ted, died of cancer, and Judy married again. She and Bob raised seven more kids. After Bob was killed in a car accident, Judy wed John and had five more children. By the time Judy died, she’d given birth to 25 children. Standing before Judy’s...

humor

Short-Term Memory Loss

Opponents of laws legalizing the recreational use of marijuana argue that smoking weed causes short-term memory loss. Next they’ll be saying that smoking weed causes short-term memory loss. ...

humor

Three Elderly Women

Three elderly women were sitting on a park bench when a man suddenly jumped out and flashed them. Two of the biddies immediately had a stroke. The other one couldn’t quite reach. ...

humor

Wear An Old Dress

Two middle-aged spinsters were chatting. “George Johnson asked me out for a date,” Dorothy divulged. “I know you went out with him last week, Edna, so I wanted to talk with you about him before I give my answer.” “I’ll tell you everything,” Edna said. “George showed up at my house punctually at 7 p.m.,...

humor

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May 2025

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