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humor

Grandpa and Grandma

Grandpa and Grandma were spending the night at the home of their grandson Robert and his family. When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in the medicine cabinet, he asked Robert about using one of the blue pills. “I don’t think you should take one, Grandpa,” Robert warned. “They’re very strong and very expensive.” “How...

humor

The Baby’s Aunt

A woman holding a baby girl was waiting for the pediatrician to come into the examining room for the infant’s first checkup. The doctor arrived and did a thorough exam. Concerned about the infant’s low weight, he asked the woman, “Is she being bottle-fed or breastfed?” “Breastfed,” she replied. “Please strip down to your waist,”...

humor

The Elephant and the Naked Man

Question: What did the elephant say to the naked man? Answer: How do you breathe through that thing? ...

humor

“Doris was pretty dumb when I met her. That’s why I have her watch Fox News—to keep her dumb, just the way I like her.”

“Doris was pretty dumb when I met her. That’s why I have her watch Fox News—to keep her dumb, just the way I like her.”...

humor

“I wish I had more friends like Lindsey Graham.”

humor

“He came home last night smelling like cheap perfume!”

humor

“Do you, Anita, promise to suck Tony off till death do you part?”

“Do you, Anita, promise to suck Tony off till death do you part?”...

humor

“A braggart named Don once wrote a song hailing the sizable girth of his schlong.”

humor

“Believe it or not, there are a lot of crazy motherfuckers like him out here!”

humor

“Son, I like to think of us flies as responders, because when the shit hits the fan, we’re the first on the scene.”

humor

“Witch hunt? We’re sorry, Miss Coulter. We were told this was a bitch hunt!”

“Witch hunt? We’re sorry, Miss Coulter. We were told this was a bitch hunt!”...

humor

“We can’t let any of them in—none of them would ever vote for Trump.”

“We can’t let any of them in—none of them would ever vote for Trump.”...

humor

“These used to belong to Mitch McConnell. That little pair over there used to belong to Lindsey Graham. Ole Lindsey has never had a lot of balls.”

“These used to belong to Mitch McConnell. That little pair over there used to belong to Lindsey Graham. Ole Lindsey has never had a lot of balls.”...

humor

“The end is near! (The world, not the Robert Mueller investigation.)”

humor

An American touring Spain

An American touring Spain stopped at a bistro following a day of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling platter being served at a neighboring table. Not only did it look scrumptious, but the aroma was also wonderful. He asked the waiter, “What is that dish you just served?” “Ah, señor, you have excellent...

humor

Texas

Question: What state has the biggest assholes? Answer: Texas. Everything’s bigger in Texas!...

humor

Can’t Do Both

You know you’re getting old when your wife invites you to run upstairs for hot sex, and you tell her she’ll have to choose because you can’t do both....

humor

Steven and Gwen

Steven and Gwen had been dating for a month without any sex. When Steven asked Gwen if she was finally ready to put out, she responded, “No, honey. I told you I don’t believe in premarital sex.” Steven exclaimed, “Who said anything about getting married?!”...

humor

Priest’s Ass

A priest entered his donkey in a race, and it won. Pleased with the result, he entered his donkey in the next race. It won again. The local newspaper’s headline read, “Priest’s ass out front.” The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the priest not to enter the donkey...

humor

Happy, Healthy…Kinky

Admit it, you’re curious about kink. Maybe you saw Fifty Shades of Grey, or someone bought you Shibari rope as a wedding gift that now sits in a drawer, sad and unused. Well, dust that shit off and get busy learning knots, because science has stepped up once again, this time correlating the virtues of BDSM...

humor

Lisa Simpson for President

Now that a reality-TV star has proven that anyone can be elected President in America, The Donald is facing a formidable foe. A Fort Lauderdale-born woman has adopted the identity of Lisa Simpson (from The Simpsons of course) and tossed her saxophone into the ring, running for the White House as a write-in candidate for the United Human Race...

humor

The Real Fake News: Nation Shocked to Learn Wealthy Buy Advantages

SANTA MONICA, CA—In the wake of the college admissions scandal, in which 50 people were charged on multiple counts of bribery and fraud, many Americans have found themselves wondering, Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh. You gonna eat that? “‘You gonna eat that?’ indeed,” says Dr. Tilma Soil, renowned Hot Pocket researcher at the University of Phoenix online. “Many idiots are...

humor

Brooklyn Is for Lovers

There’s something kind of magical happening in Brooklyn right now—well, Bushwick to be specific, a neighborhood located in the north end of this beloved NYC borough. There a community is emerging rooted in shared values like love, communication and respect. If it sounds utopic, perhaps that’s because it kind of is—at least to anyone who...