“When you say ‘Fuck you,’ is that my place or yours?”
“When you say ‘Fuck you,’ is that my place or yours?”...
Bits & Pieces
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“There’s no one else, Josh. It’s just that I can’t stand you anymore.”
“There’s no one else, Josh. It’s just that I can’t stand you anymore.”...
“It’s getting to the point in politics that anything goes.”
“It’s getting to the point in politics that anything goes.”...
“In America you can be anything you want. President Trump wanted to be the biggest asshole on the face of the planet. So dreams do come true.”
“In America you can be anything you want. President Trump wanted to be the biggest asshole on the face of the planet. So dreams do come true.”...
“And now the Adult Video Hall of Fame Lifetime Achievement Award.”
“And now the Adult Video Hall of Fame Lifetime Achievement Award.”...
“My ol’ lady has finally gotten over her aversion to swallowing cum! At least that’s what the guys in the neighborhood tell me.”
“My ol’ lady has finally gotten over her aversion to swallowing cum! At least that’s what the guys in the neighborhood tell me.”...
“Can’t you forget that we’re devout Fundamentalists just this once and bone me up the ass?”
“Can’t you forget that we’re devout Fundamentalists just this once and bone me up the ass?”...
“Bob, if you believe size doesn’t matter, why don’t they make three-inch dildos?”
“Bob, if you believe size doesn’t matter, why don’t they make three-inch dildos?”...
“…and finally, dear gracious and all-powerful Lord, if you could pop a cap in that ignorant bitch Sarah Huckabee Sanders, I’d sure appreciate it.”
“…and finally, dear gracious and all-powerful Lord, if you could pop a cap in that ignorant bitch Sarah Huckabee Sanders, I’d sure appreciate it.”...
“Yeah, you think this at home, but then, when you actually come to Washington, D.C., and see it…WOW!”
“Yeah, you think this at home, but then, when you actually come to Washington, D.C., and see it…WOW!”...
A farmer drove to a neighbor’s farmhouse
A farmer drove to a neighbor’s farmhouse and knocked on the door. When a young boy opened it, the farmer asked, “Tim, is your father home?” “No, sir.” Tim replied. “He went to town.” “Well, then, is your mother around?” the farmer inquired. “No, sir,” Tim answered. “She’s with Dad.” “How about your brother “No, sir,” Tim...
“Hello. My name is Janice, and I’m proud to say that with the help of the program, I’ve been totally orgasm-free for 11 years!”
“Hello. My name is Janice, and I’m proud to say that with the help of the program, I’ve been totally orgasm-free for 11 years!”...
Meals 4 Heels
Shift work is a bitch, especially if your hours are completely out of whack with the kind of conveniences us nine-to-fivers take for granted. Things like, oh, I don’t know, eating? It’s a challenge and all-around pain in the ass, especially for sex workers, whose only options after long shifts are fast-food garbage not fit...
“Forty-five years, six babes an issue, 13 issues a year–that’s over 35 hundred pussies I never would have seen. Thank you, Larry Flynt!”
“Forty-five years, six babes an issue, 13 issues a year–that’s over 35 hundred pussies I never would have seen. Thank you, Larry Flynt!”...
“I don’t care what the law says. I will not give you a marriage license! It’s not because of religious reasons. Fags just give me the creeps!”
“I don’t care what the law says. I will not give you a marriage license! It’s not because of religious reasons. Fags just give me the creeps!”...
Emma walked into a tattoo parlor
Emma walked into a tattoo parlor and asked the artist, “Do you do custom work?” “Of course,” the brawny dude replied. “Great!” Emma exclaimed. “I’d like a portrait of Brad Pitt inside my right thigh and a portrait of Matt Damon inside my left thigh.” “No problem,” the tattooist said. “Strip from the waist down...
Question: What’s the difference
Question: What’s the difference between love and herpes? Answer: Love doesn’t last forever....
Cupcake Queens Capture Our Hearts
Is there anything more uplifting, more emblematic of pure joy than a cupcake? But what if the cupcake were more than just a sweet treat—as in a symbol of compassion and support for those who need it most? Like the saying goes, not all heroes wear capes. And The Cupcake Girls (TheCupcakeGirls.org) are here to...
Paging Dr. Butt
Doctors are people too. They have families, hobbies, fears, desires—and just like you, they use social media. So unless you want your humiliating X-ray retweeted to infinity, it’s probably best if you stop sticking crazy stuff up your bumhole. For the rest of us, this trend serves as both bemusement and a cautionary tale. This...
Hardcore Heroism
Hats off to this month’s porn hero, the venerable Bang Bros. Their gifts to the world are many—Bang Bus is an institution— but none have been so appreciated as their purchase of Porn Wikileaks (PWL), a reprehensible doxxing site that “trafficked in sharing personal details of more than 15,000 adult industry performers,” according to Complex.com....
A grandmother telephoned the hospital
A grandmother telephoned the hospital and asked, “May I speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?” “I’ll be glad to help,” the switchboard operator chirped. “What is the patient’s name and room number?” “Norma Lindsay, Room 659,” the granny provided. The operator said, “Let me put you on hold while I...
What’s the difference between a guy
Question: What’s the difference between a guy buying a lottery ticket and arguing with his wife? Answer: He might have a chance of winning the lottery....
“I’m confused, Mr. President. Is this you being you or you being Alec Baldwin being you?”
“I’m confused, Mr. President. Is this you being you or you being Alec Baldwin being you?”...
“Have you read the book I gave you, sweetheart?”
“Have you read the book I gave you, sweetheart?”...
Isn’t it Romantic?
Love is pure. Love is blind. Love is forever. But let’s be real, because love isn’t going to protect your assets when a marriage turns to shit. A prenuptial agreement, while short on romance, has its place and purpose—but like any tool, in the wrong hands it can easily become a weapon of entitlement and...
