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November 2025

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Make These Words Go Away

Dating is hard enough as it is without having to keep up with the ever-evolving and dignity-crushing lexicon of words that arise out of misguided necessity. Like, did I really need a word to capture the unique humility of someone disappearing from my life without explanation? Do we really need to get any more specific...

A married man asked his best friend

 A married man asked his best friend, “If I slept with your wife and got her pregnant, would that make the two of us relatives?” “No,” the friend snorted, “but it would make us even.”...

The Secret Language of Women

“Do you know who tells the truth? Drunks and children.” This all-too-true gem, dispensed by Erika Jayne from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (Season 9, Episode 20), is undeniably apt—save for one glaring omission: sex noises. Orgasms are a potent truth serum and a window into the soul. But as to the why and...

Highs and Lows

You know what they say: Where there’s a will, there’s a way. And in pursuit of the almighty orgasm, you better believe that ingenuity has a way of flourishing in the face of obstacles. Obviously great sex is great because everyone is enjoying it, so when confronted by significant differences in height, it behooves us...

An old lady had an appointment

 An old lady had an appointment with a psychiatrist. She sat down and said, “Doctor, I think I might be a nymphomaniac. Can you help me?” “Yes, I can,” the shrink assured her. “But it will cost you $150 an hour.” The biddy frowned, then asked, “How much for the whole night?”...

Girl Meets Porn

It says a lot about the state of the entertainment industrial complex that an actor on a not-unpopular network TV show can leave mainstream behind to make more money and find greater fulfillment working in adult entertainment. Maitland Ward, you are the hero Gotham needs. The former Boy Meets World cast member spent the past...

Sex Doll Protocol

If you pay attention to international news, then you’ll occasionally catch a stark reminder or three of why Canada is not the bucolic Northern paradise you once imagined. Canada can be racist. Canada can be violent. And much like our own law enforcement, Canucks can be just as confused as us about how to properly...

A priest and his chickens

A  priest kept chickens at this village. One evening a cock went missing. At a mass prayer gathering, the priest asked, “Who has a cock?” All the men stood up. “I’m sorry,” the priest said. “I meant who has seen  a cock?” All the women stood up. “No, no, no!” the priest snapped. “Who has...

Bret went into a pharmacy

Bret went into a pharmacy to buy condoms. The pharmacist told the young man, “They come in packs of three, nine or 12. How many will you be needing?” “Well,” Bret replied, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a little while now, and she’s really hot. I think tonight’s the night. We’re having dinner with her...

You Had Me at Cream Pie

It’s not easy being a McDonald’s franchise owner. Between slumping sales and the imminent transition to a plant-based menu, the brand is struggling to remain relevant in an age where the popularity of colon-clogging death sludge is on the wane. In Japan the chain has taken drastic—some would argue desperate— steps to attract consumers, from...

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