“We should hold Russia’s elections in the USA, where we can totally control them.”
“We should hold Russia’s elections in the USA, where we can totally control them.”...
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Senior Citizens
Senior citizens Jerry and Frida were engaging in oral sex. “I can’t stay down here much longer,” Jerry muttered. “Your pussy stinks.” “It’s my arthritis,” Frida said. “Arthritis in your pussy?!” Jerry bellowed. “No!” Frida yelled back. “The arthritis is in my shoulder. I can’t wipe my ass.”...
No Meat, More Heat
The baseless belief that eating meat is somehow synonymous with strength and virility is being turned on its ear in a new Netflix documentary that extols the many virtues of a plant-based diet. But as to the latter, can eating vegan really add extra oomph in the bedroom? Or, like a bowl of steamed quinoa,...
“I’m not playing, Toby–let go! Bad dog!”
“I’m not playing, Toby–let go! Bad dog!”...
“Go ahead and leave, Maureen— but the fisting dildo stays!”
“Go ahead and leave, Maureen— but the fisting dildo stays!”...
“Where do babies come from? Well, son, they come from a big, dark, hairy, smelly place.”
“Where do babies come from? Well, son, they come from a big, dark, hairy, smelly place.”...
“At first I thought hell was great, but all you get are Trump’s Twitter feeds.”
“At first I thought hell was great, but all you get are Trump’s Twitter feeds.”...
“After the revelation that you were in a porno movie, the school board has no choice but to fire you from your teaching position. But before you go, would you sign our copies?”
“After the revelation that you were in a porno movie, the school board has no choice but to fire you from your teaching position. But before you go, would you sign our copies?”...
“President Trump today says he’s doing the work of two men…”
“President Trump today says he’s doing the work of two men…”...
2019 Was a Good Year for Sex
We live in a golden age of entertainment. Say what you will about the endless barrage of crappy remakes, superhero movie after superhero movie and the living nightmare that is Star Wars fandom, when you look past the noise and the flash, there are no shortage of amazing, challenging and innovative offerings to capture your...
“Goddamn! Who’s a girl got to fuck to get a promotion around this sorry-ass place?!”
“Goddamn! Who’s a girl got to fuck to get a promotion around this sorry-ass place?!”...
Two geezers
Two geezers, lifelong bachelors Sam and Gerard, were sitting on a park bench. As they were shooting the shit, several sexy female joggers passed by. They got Sam’s attention. “So how’s your sex life these days?” he asked. “Nothing special,” Gerard admitted. “I’m having what’s known as Social Security sex.” “Social Security sex?” Sam repeated,...
Make These Words Go Away
Dating is hard enough as it is without having to keep up with the ever-evolving and dignity-crushing lexicon of words that arise out of misguided necessity. Like, did I really need a word to capture the unique humility of someone disappearing from my life without explanation? Do we really need to get any more specific...
“I was a Never-Trumper…until I saw the size of this bank account.”
“I was a Never-Trumper…until I saw the size of this bank account.”...
A married man asked his best friend
A married man asked his best friend, “If I slept with your wife and got her pregnant, would that make the two of us relatives?” “No,” the friend snorted, “but it would make us even.”...
The Secret Language of Women
“Do you know who tells the truth? Drunks and children.” This all-too-true gem, dispensed by Erika Jayne from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (Season 9, Episode 20), is undeniably apt—save for one glaring omission: sex noises. Orgasms are a potent truth serum and a window into the soul. But as to the why and...
Highs and Lows
You know what they say: Where there’s a will, there’s a way. And in pursuit of the almighty orgasm, you better believe that ingenuity has a way of flourishing in the face of obstacles. Obviously great sex is great because everyone is enjoying it, so when confronted by significant differences in height, it behooves us...
“Damn, Ann! Time to either buy a longer skirt or wear a bra-please!”
“Damn, Ann! Time to either buy a longer skirt or wear a bra-please!”...
Question: What do nail polish and panties have in common?
Question: What do nail polish and panties have in common? Answer: They both come off with alcohol....
An old lady had an appointment
An old lady had an appointment with a psychiatrist. She sat down and said, “Doctor, I think I might be a nymphomaniac. Can you help me?” “Yes, I can,” the shrink assured her. “But it will cost you $150 an hour.” The biddy frowned, then asked, “How much for the whole night?”...
Question: So what are blowjobs good for?
Question: So what are blowjobs good for? Answer: Population control....
