“Do you know who tells the truth? Drunks and children.” This all-too-true gem, dispensed by Erika Jayne from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (Season 9, Episode 20), is undeniably apt—save for one glaring omission: sex noises. Orgasms are a potent truth serum and a window into the soul. But as to the why and how of our groans and moans? Cue tumbleweed GIF.
The sounds we make and words uttered forth during sexual congress are the most honest and unadulterated expressions of our inner selves (unless you’re a faker, which is a whole other can of worms). So-called “sex experts” quoted in a piece for Elite Daily offer a, shall we say, fluffy redux of this complex phenomenon, bandying about throwaway aphorisms like, “Vocal moans, groans and screams are all healthy forms of sexual expression.” They note how “being turned on by a partner being turned on” is much like “an interactive sexual dance.” (Ugh.) Things take a hard left turn into New Age territory with tips on “finding your own erotic voice,” so let’s ditch these guys and instead go straight to the source. Here, in their own words, are true sexperts on the nature of their most intimate—and unfiltered—love language.