Face it: Dogs and cats, while intelligent in their own right, are either unable or unwilling to distinguish between a shoe and a dildo. And while animals are by no means inherently naughty (except when the little fuckers shit in your shoe), you may want to err on the side of caution and consider keeping your precious sex toys under lock and key, because the hunt is on.
As one writer for Elle recently discovered, pets destroying their owners’ sex toys is by no means an isolated or fluke occurrence. In fact, it happens frequently enough that it’s easily searchable on social media—try phrases like “dog ate vibrator,” “cat ate dildo” or “dog ate butt plug,” and you will not be disappointed.
One particularly crestfallen victim actually went so far as to tag the manufacturer on social media in the hopes that “acts of dog” were covered under the return policy. (No such luck.) “So, uhm, a dog ate my vibrator. @lelo_official I’m so sad because I just bought it just shy of a month ago and really loved it. The warranty won’t cover this?”