“I cannot tell a lie. However, I am fluent in alternative facts and bullshit!”
“I cannot tell a lie. However, I am fluent in alternative facts and bullshit!”...
Bits & Pieces
Articles with unfiltered opinions
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“Well, it’s good to know that some things are still made in this country!”
“Well, it’s good to know that some things are still made in this country!”...
“It’s okay, Sister. If we don’t sin, Jesus died for nothing!”
“It’s okay, Sister. If we don’t sin, Jesus died for nothing!”...
Trump sure has a way of having…
“Trump sure has a way of having imaginary people saying absolutely nothing!”...
Your Cheating Heart
Everyone has their own hang-ups and hard lines when it comes to adultery, but at the end of the day cheating isn’t a crime, and this is still a free country, right? Right? And it’s only once we get past our own preconceptions that we can begin to learn and understand one another and the...
“I used to think lying was the only Donald Trump was good at. Well, it turns out he sucks at that too.”
“I used to think lying was the only Donald Trump was good at. Well, it turns out he sucks at that too.”...
“Get rid of the flower…it makes you look like a slut!”
“Get rid of the flower…it makes you look like a slut!”...
“Donald Trump is proof that anybody can be President, and Rudy Giuliani is proof that anybody can be a lawyer.”
“Donald Trump is proof that anybody can be President, and Rudy Giuliani is proof that anybody can be a lawyer.”...
“We always do it doggy-style, honey. How about we try some other positions?”
“We always do it doggy-style, honey. How about we try some other positions?”...
“And now some news I never thought we’d ever report: 87% of Americans think Donald Trump is stupider than Sarah Palin.”
“And now some news I never thought we’d ever report: 87% of Americans think Donald Trump is stupider than Sarah Palin.”...
“Sometimes you just gotta stop and smell the pussies!”
“Sometimes you just gotta stop and smell the pussies!”...
“I blame Obama. If it wasn’t for Obama, there wouldn’t be a Donald Trump!”
“I blame Obama. If it wasn’t for Obama, there wouldn’t be a Donald Trump!”...
“The Consumer Protection Agency has required me to inform you that I have no real ability to help America—I’m here for entertainment purposes only.”
“The Consumer Protection Agency has required me to inform you that I have no real ability to help America—I’m here for entertainment purposes only.”...
“Gee, Lord, we were hoping for a set of rules like ‘She shalt swallow, ‘ ‘She shalt titty-fuck’ and, my personal favorite, ‘She shalt take it up the ass’!”
“Gee, Lord, we were hoping for a set of rules like ‘She shalt swallow, ‘ ‘She shalt titty-fuck’and, my personal favorite, ‘She shalt take it up the ass’!”...
“I don’t care if it is on your bucket list. I’m not letting you pee on me.”
“I don’t care if it is on your bucket list. I’m not letting you pee on me.”...
“Fuck Eden! I’ll take penis over paradise any day of the week.”
“Fuck Eden! I’ll take penis over paradise any day of the week.”...
“I don’t remember his name, Sister—but he’s a heck of a salesman.”
“I don’t remember his name, Sister—but he’s a heck of a salesman.”...
“Hell, yeah, I like it straight, hard and up the ass! I’m a Republican girl who voted for Trump!”
“Hell, yeah, I like it straight, hard and up the ass! I’m a Republican girl who voted for Trump!”...
“Mr. Nordling, your wife has fallen into a coma. You see—completely unresponsive.”
“Mr. Nordling, your wife has fallen into a coma. You see—completely unresponsive.”...
Soaps Get Super Weird
If you’ve never given a shit about soap operas in the past, then prepare to have your world turnedupside-down with this incredible casting news. Remember the publicity campaign in June for the upcoming season of Black Mirror? It was an actual mirror with the caption, “Black Mirror 6th season. Live now, everywhere.” Terrifying, right? Still,...
(Un)faithfully Yours
The fight for human rights is a broad and complicated battle. Basic, inalienable freedoms many of us take for granted are constantly under attack by those who seek to silence and suppress. Democracy, reproductive rights, racial equality—even adultery. Sure, cheating may be ethically dubious, but it’s a choice any consenting adult should be allowed to...
DIY Lube
Olive oil? Yes. Sulphuric acid? No. It’s safe to say that everyone more or less has a grasp on the broad strokes of what can and can’t serve as lube. But there is a whole universe of products out there whose potential has yet to be fully actualized, and it seems we’ve only begun to...
“Hello, Larry Flynt?”
“Hello, Larry Flynt? I just want to thank you. My Albert has jerked off to your magazine every night for 46 years. If you ever stop publishing HUSTLER, I’m fucked!”...
This Shit is Bananas
The following is a sort of footnote to our overview of household products that can safely be used as lube (see “DIY Lube”). To be honest, it’s more of a warning: Despite what you’ve seen on Reddit, do not put your dick anywhere near a banana peel. The New York Post picked up on a...
Apocalypse Orgy
Blink and you missed it. A crudely photocopied, nondescript 8.5- by 11-inch flier, in black and white, with a picture of the Avengers. The accompanying text is so ludicrous, so obviously crazy, that one might find themselves reading it over and over again, caught in a vortex of “Huh?!” The city is Philadelphia, and the...
