“You’re gonna be in big trouble, Bert! You can’t burn leaves without a permit.”
“You’re gonna be in big trouble, Bert! You can’t burn leaves without a permit.”...
Bits & Pieces
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“We’ve nicknamed this cell block the West Wing.”
“We’ve nicknamed this cell block the West Wing.”...
“It’s a dirty, smelly job, but somebody’s gotta do it. Am I right?”
“It’s a dirty, smelly job, but somebody’s gotta do it. Am I right?”...
“When will all the haters and fools out there realize that having a relationship with Russia is a good thing?!”
“When will all the haters and fools out there realize that having a relationship with Russia is a good thing?!”...
“It’s easy being a politician once you let go of your grip on reality.”
“It’s easy being a politician once you let go of your grip on reality.”...
“There, there, sweetheart. We know breaking up with a boyfriend is hard, but you’re such an easy fuck, another boy will come along!”
“There, there, sweetheart. We know breaking up with a boyfriend is hard, but you’re such an easy fuck, another boy will come along!”...
“Personally I’d go with the .22 caliber. It’s just less messy, you know…”
“Personally I’d go with the .22 caliber. It’s just less messy, you know…”...
“We named him Candy. We wanted a name that was consistent with our religious beliefs.”
“We named him Candy. We wanted a name that was consistent with our religious beliefs.”...
“If I could do that, Wanda, you would be history!”
“If I could do that, Wanda, you would be history!”...
This Ain’t [Fill In Blank]
Like Airplane! or The Naked Gun, porn parodies dare to poke fun at the characters and stories we hold sacred. And while some are definitely worth their salt—that Captain Marvel XXX flick with Kenzie Taylor looks bonkers—others are just downright hilarious, if not deeply disturbing in their interpretations. Behold, the best and worst of porn...
Mia Khalifa’s Sexy Specs
Since leaving the adult industry, Mia has been very vocal about her thoughts on porn, and that has ruffled a few feathers. But no matter where you stand on this prickly predicament, there’s one thing we can all agree on: It’s hard to fault a selfless act. As you know, a massive explosion killed at...
Skin Hunger
It’s fair to say that this pandemic blows—or rather, the lack of being blown and blowing really sucks (ouch). It also highlights a phenomenon we’ve only just begun to fully appreciate: skin hunger. In the spirit of anecdotal journalism, Refinery29’s Kirthan Aujlay tells us about an epic threesome experience and how it did her so...
Sex and Car Wrecks
Sexual ambivalence. Car crashes. James Spader fucking Rosanna Arquette’s gaping leg scar. This is cinema that dares to take risks and provoke in ways we seldom see. And 24 years since its theatrical debut, David Cronenberg’s Crash continues to shake us. At the time, the U.K.’s Daily Mail was blunt in its disgust: “Ban This...
While walking behind his wife, Mort muttered
While walking behind his wife, Mort muttered, “Your ass is getting so big, it looks like an old washing machine.” The woman didn’t utter a peep. Bedtime came around, and Mort was hankering to get it on, but his wife wasn’t in the mood. “I’m not starting the old washing machine for such a small...
A lawyer wrote a letter to his wife…
A lawyer wrote a letter to his wife, a college math professor. “My dear Janie,” it began. “I value you as a good wife, but now that you’re 57 years old, you can no longer satisfy certain needs of mine. Therefore, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret why I will be spending this...
Sex Dolls Down Under
As America stares down the barrel of a second wave, pandemic-weary folks are searching for alternatives—scratch that—“acceptable substitutes” for human intimacy. And you know what? Scratch “human.” Right about now intimacy, human or otherwise, would do nicely, thank you. So it should come as no surprise that some retailers are seeing massive spikes in sex...
Hear, Hear! In Praise of Aural Sex
Audio porn has been around for a while. It can be hot as hell and both a welcome diversion and powerful alternative to video. But whereas once there was maybe only a handful of decent audio options, content is now exploding at an exponential rate. Listen closely as we round up the best of aural...
A wife exclaimed, “Honey, the vacuum isn’t sucking!”
A wife exclaimed, “Honey, the vacuum isn’t sucking!” “Frustrating, isn’t it?” her hubby snorted....
HUSTLER Wisdom: If you get an email with the subject “Knock, knock”…
If you get an email with the subject “Knock, knock,” don’t open it. The message is from a Jehovah’s Witness working at home....
If a woman is uncomfortable watching you masturbate…
If a woman is uncomfortable watching you masturbate, she: A—has intimacy issues; B—is frigid; or C—needs to sit somewhere else on the bus....
Did you hear about the guy who gave up smoking, drinking and sex?
Did you hear about the guy who gave up smoking, drinking and sex? He didn’t live longer; time just went by much slower....
